WIBU?- Roadside shrines

[Arnoldthecat]

This is more of a ..would i be unreasonable....to not want a roadside shrine directly outside my house/garden gate/in close proximity..?

@PrawnOfCreation fair do's! I have toddlers and have unfortunately felt grief. But you answered it yourself, if they're too young to understand then you just agree with them that the flowers are lovely. You don't need to avoid seeing the flowers to avoid awkward questions!

Being "showy" with grief does not mean your grief is more than the quiet griever.

I totally agree with this comment.

my post was quite clearly sarcastic, aimed at all the snobby comments on this thread. You don't think that's actually what I think, do you?

It's hard to tell on these threads WatcherintheRye. So you agree with me that it's wrong for people to pile in with accusations that people like me are uptight arseholes concerned about property prices rather than being concerned about respect for grieving in our particular way?

Being "showy" with grief does not mean your grief is more than the quiet griever

I totally agree with this comment

I absolutely agree. That said, I don’t think people who want to deal with their grief in the manner of roadside tributes etc are wrong either.

I'm not desperate to challenge your opinion NunoGoncalves; we have a different point of view

I don't hate them because of any class reasons but cultivate the bloody chips on your shoulders if you want. It doesn't make any difference to me if it's a champagne glass and a bunch of peonies or a teddy and a football shirt, it's distracting for drivers and I wouldn't want it outside my house because it looks bloody awful.

There are c600k deaths in UK every year. If we all decided to put plastic coated flowers on a tree to mark their deaths they'd be no bark left in sight within a few years. Where do you draw the line: is it road deaths, or someone who has died while threatening a householder in their own home? Why shouldn't we all make a mess in the street? Which is why we need to stop it altogether. There's one near me and the flowers are dead for far more of the time than their alive. I just don't see why dead flowers are a tribute to anyone. Just put a bunch of dead flowers on your own wall if you want to, not mine.

Don't like them. There's one near my gran's house that's been there over 5 years now, commemorating a nasty piece of shit who got shot because he was a nasty piece of shit, admittedly by another nasty piece of shit. I wish the council would remove it.

No limited, I am suggesting that the snobbery on this thread is appalling and that family shrines to fallen policeman or nice middle class shrines would somehow be exempt.

Grief is a personal thing one person might think someone is cold for not grieving in a public way; while they might think the other person is showy; neither is right or wrong. As demonstrated by how funeral traditions vary so much. Consideration of both points of views has to be made. Piggy's post is good guidance.

Again Piggy you're polishing the chip on your shoulder. I don't care whether it's to fallen policemen or not, to middle class people or not, I don't want it cluttering up the highway. And certainly not on my fence/wall. Put them on their own property to their heart's content. Just not on mine or on the public roads/parks etc for our bloody taxes to have to pay to clear up because as evidenced here the people who put the tributes out don't tend to clear them away when they rot.

I hate them, think they're attention-seeking in the extreme and, when placed at an accident blackspot, dangerously distracting for other road users.

They're a relatively new phenomenon for the entitled. Do people think that if a shrine isn't erected that people are not grieving? Haven't experienced loss? Pathetic. It's an epidemic of the 'look at me, I'm grieeeeving' culture.

We will all lose people we care about at some point, it's sadly inevitable, but your right to express your grief ends at the point where it physically impacts and intrudes on other people.

I am suggesting that the snobbery on this thread is appalling and that family shrines to fallen policeman or nice middle class shrines would somehow be exempt

That makes no sense at all Piggywaspushed

there's some absolute snobby twatty comments on this thread

Can anyone point to these?

I can't get worked up about them but I don't find them pleasant either. I have 2 near me. An elderly man who was an alcoholic died on a stretch of road and the nearest lamppost is his designated shrine. Beer bottles, plastic flowers, sodden muddy football scarves are all taped on and it does look a bit hideous. The second sends shivers down my spine; a 'wellbeing' cycle/walk route has a gravestone erected with 'here lies the spot where Jane Doe* took her own life on X date'. There is something so sinister about it that I can't even go there.

*nit real name obviously.

What is my chip on my shoulder about twixy . Not sure what you ar implying on me. I am more than entitled to point out snobbery, lack of compassion and nastiness.

Or would you like to accuse the road death charites, such as the one I linked before, of having chips on their shoulders?

limited I do not have time to copy and paste the numerous snobbish comments on the thread. I cannot help you if you cannot read subtext (in fact, in many cases , it isn't even subtext). My comment makes perfect sense in the context of all the comments about tat and various posters who are selective in choosing to report the 'types of people' who set up memorials.

Anyway, as it goes the PC in question has balloons and teddies at his memorial.

I am astonished how many posters don't seem to know that many shrines and memorials at cemeteries attract negative comments, are summarily tided away, or even banned, even when on the graves of infants. So, it doesn't help to state that this is what graveyards are for

Let people grieve as they say fit. If their memorial is a road safety issue, report it to the council, who will liaise with the police and the families.

Let people grieve as they say fit. If their memorial is a road safety issue, report it to the council, who will liaise with the police and the families.

Even if that grieving is touching another's persons home and they don't like it?

Piggy, no that's not what happens, not everywhere. Councillors are very sensitive to the voting public and quite often, even though everybody else wants dangerous/unsightly shrines removed, the councillors fear that this will affect votes and therefore wash their hands of the problem.

Grieve where you like and however you like - just don't impinge on other people to do that and all will be well.

Don't see the point of shrines. Yes, it's sad someone died there, but do you have to mark it out? Distraction to other motorists.

As I said how, one could report that to the council who would liaise.

lying I have honestly never seen one on someone house unless it is the house of the dead person : which, very sadly, I have : all the neighbours added to that one. OP says she has but I haven't. Have you honestly seen a memorial on someone's house?

Lampposts, yes. Verges, yes. Town squares and , sadly, playparks, yes.

Sorry lying that was for how....

Limited, it's 10 pages and I'm on a shite tablet. But the ones about underclass, this wouldn't happen in the Cotswolds, rough, it's a class thing......thread is peppered with them.

I’m not necessarily buying the “distraction to motorists” point.

There’s any number of things on any one day that could catch your eye on the pavement, part of being a decent driver is ignoring that. Of course situations such as a PP mentioned above with dangerous reflections etc are different and much more of a concern.

@Piggywaspushed but the council won't will they? The shrine builders are bound to be much more vocal than the homeowner. The vocal grievers will throw up arms of outrage and the shrine will attract more attention and be even bigger.

My father died in the local doctors surgery, he had a heart attack and they couldn't save him. I can't have a shrine in the doctors room, but it's not had any affect on my grieving, I don't see how placing flowers in the surgery would take away even a milli second of grief. I also use the same surgery as does my mum.

The surgery were kind enough for six months after his death to not let my mum have to sit for ages in the waiting room, she would be taken into the doctor as soon as he was free. She was with him when he died.

@Piggywaspushed as one of my posts states m, a young woman was murdered whilst pushing her small child. The flowers are against the wall of a house where she died. She was not connected in any way with the house. If those people "want to do something" then gift to the fund raising page to help her 4 children, who have been left essentially with no parents (age was murdered by their father).