To not was any sex from DH

[beardsturnmeoff]

NC for this.

Have been with DH for about 15 years, married for about 10 years. 2 DC.

He keeps going through phases of growing a beard.

I HATE it. Can't climax in the bedroom because of the big itchy annoying beard rubbing all over me.

He won't shave it because I 'shouldn't be shallow' and he loves it.

Now, if he was ill and had something change appearance wise for reasons beyond his control it would be different.

But I fucking hate his ugly itchy arse beard, and it makes me so mad I'm just refusing to have Sex at all now. He is actually keeping it though. It's now gone on so long I actually wonder if I will have to LTB.

It looks shit too by the way. I haven't found anyone who disagrees with me.

You have the right to walk away and leave him OP if you are no longer attracted to him, no one disputes this. But he has the right to stay as he is

You don't know how beard oil works - it doesn't make the beard oily when used properly. You massage it in and it softens the hairs. My husband uses it and his beard is lovely and soft. No more scratching on my skin and it doesn't feel oily

Thanks @PregnantSea. I didn't know that. I'm not sure if that would solve my beard fear but it's worth a go.

@Justagirlwholovesaboy you're not wrong. Xx

Well, I think part of being a man with a beard is looking after it properly. Sounds like your DH doesn't do that so I'm not sure he'd even use the beard balm but it's worth a shot!

The one DH got is called "The gentleman beard balm". There's a grapefruit scented one that is really nice

He sounds inconsiderate and the beard is just one more symptom of that (when you say you're the one to get DC ready etc). You sound fed up. He needs to realise how badly.

The question is why is he keeping his beard when he knows you hate it?

It's not the beard so much, is it, as the fact that he knows you absolutely detest it, but he still insists on keeping it

On the other hand

It's not the beard so much, is it, as the fact that you know he absolutely loves it, but you still insists on him shaving it?

Of course this is MN where women are always right and men are dicks for the most banal reasons.

@PregnantSea “Well, I think part of being a man with a beard is looking after it properly. Sounds like your DH doesn't do that so I'm not sure he'd even use the beard balm but it's worth a shot!”

Is your pubic hair well maintained so your other half is satisfied with its appearance? Would be you shamed and change it if not? or maybe your eyebrows if he objected?

Justagirlwholovesaboy if you're really so keen to know... Yes, it is well maintained. My husband and I like to look nice for each other. Sorry if that's upsetting for some people to hear.

And for the record the pubes analogy doesn't work - pubes aren't on your face. Having an ukempt beard is considered unprofessional in a lot of environments and some people won't like it. It doesn't mean that they have to change it but it is true that some people will judge them for it. It's just life.

This beard is causing her physical
discomfort though...it isn’t only aesthetics.
So sex and intimacy is becoming a chore.

I can’t remember who my point was to - sorry.

And for the record the pubes analogy doesn't work

Yes it does. The post is about sex. The pubes analogy fits perfectly. Imagine if the up was like this:

"My DH won't go down in me because he doesn't like my pubes" He'd still be a cock wouldn't he.

It's about conceit and arrogance as well.
Well it was with my ex anyway imho. And when he did shave it off to try to get me back it made things worse.
Like I said upthread I couldn't get passed it. In hindsight I guess I perceived him as vain.
I couldn't be doing with that.

Why is it ok for women to dictate how/when a man removes his body/facial hair but if a man were on here saying my wife's arm pit hair disgusts me so I've told her won't have sex with her until she removes it, he'd be seen as a controlling bastard??

I also see the reverse side of this.
If a woman came on and said my DH is refusing to sleep or cuddle with me because I haven't shaved my legs there would be an uproar. That the hair is uncomfortable and that he didn't find her attractive with it, and that he had a more stressful job so she should just agree with his demands.
He clearly likes the beard, enough to be willing to go without sex to keep it.
There doesn't seem to be much compromise here and I don't see why one persons needs should trump the others, but especially as it's part of his body.

I can't stand beards on men, I think it really ages them

My husband's barber convinced him to let him trim his eyebrows, now the sharp ends stab at me when he's trying to kiss me/is all over me and it's instantly a passion kills. He gets all mopey when I jerk away from his stabby eyebrow face.

With you all the way, op.
Divorce caused by beard looming in my house too

Team DH sorry. If a man was disgusted with his wife’s body hair I’d tell him to suck it up.

I had this. I just wouldn't kiss DH or anything. Not at all.

It looked shit!

Am I the only one thinking the beard is not really the real issue?

OP I think you both could do with couples therapy. Or leave him over some facial hair and see if your life gets easier.

I agree with the others posters about double standards btw. If a bloke said this he'd be flamed.

I would never date a guy with a beard. Nor one who showed neanderthal tendencies. So it wouldn't be an issue for me.

I think OP might have a preference. Everyone is entitled to that.
It's not gender specific.
It's personal preference