AIBU - Weird subconscious behaviour when women are out for dinner together - AIBU?

[Mazes]

I was out for dinner yesterday evening with four female friends (were all early 40s). No problem whatsoever with ordering the cocktails, but when it came to ordering from the food menu, one friend chimed in first with the, “I’m just going to go for a salad” and, as always happens, everyone else followed suit with the salads. Does anyone else find this or is it just me? One friend did ask for some fries “for the table” but then everybody just looked at them until they got taken away. I’m not on a diet and nor is anyone else as far as I can tell so why does this happen? Then when it came to dessert orders, there was an uncomfortable silence before everyone declined, of course. Then we had a pot of mint tea. Nobody ate the bread either. It was my turn to pay and I felt like the actual “food” part of the menu was there for decoration only.
AIBU to think this kind of behaviour goes on a lot without women even realising they’re doing it? It’s as if it’s fine to knock back 3 cocktails, but nobody eats a chip!

What's the point of going out for food then, just make it cocktails. They seem to be on a 'look at me, I don't eat food' trip.

You said it was your turn to pay - does one person always cover the whole bill? Part of it might be wanting to keep costs down. Although I don't understand looking at the fries and not eating them.

You lost me when the chips went back to the kitchen! I don't drink so if I didn't eat much either that would be an issue! Seriously - it hasnever happened to me!

What is the point in them going out to eat?
The thing is, I feel that it's the ones who say and do these type of things who are usually overweight or have health issues and therefore don't want to show in public how they stuff their faces in private.
They'd rather people believed that they get fat on thin air. People like this need to grow up a bit and face the fact that they have health issues.

God my friends and I could eat for Britain and have no issue demolishing biscuits.

I hate when people bring in doughnuts or cakes etc as a so called treat.

The last time was a couple of weeks ago and I was treated as odd because I didn't want a pastry, and they were pushed on me several times.

I'm diabetic so don't want the sugary treats. I roughly calorie count to keep my weight under control so on an average day don't want 2-300 extra cals and I don't even like pastry anyway! Another guy (small group, so known to everyone else) is doing keto so no carbs at all, I think those type of group foods should have an option for him too. A recent buffet was all the usual carby stuff with some fruit, knowing someone is keto would it have hurt to bring something suitable for him.

When I go out I do have a good meal though, I would think it a waste to spend money on a restaurant salad. I do order from kids dessert menu if possible because I find a lot of adult portions ridiculous.

Sounds very odd...

I have definitely observed this at gatherings of women. It's some weird form of diet-competitiveness. So conditioned are we to believe that nothgin is more important than getting or keeping weight down, and that being thin is a character virtue that we are embarrassed to display any desire to eat. I gpo out with friends and am often the only one who orders solid food. I can't remember the last time any woman out with other women dared to order dessert. I think it's weird and sad too, OP.

Sounds like you have weird friends OP, going out to eat shoud be a thing of joy, were all involved eat what they bloody like before consuming a well deserved dessert! 😀

I have one friend who will wait to see what everyone else wants and then order something with fewer calories. It's bloody infuriating. What's more, if she, for example, wants chips, she'll try to nag me into having chips so that I'm eating as much as she is. Another friend orders the 'healthiest' thing on the menu and then sits there gazing longingly at whatever I've got that she would have liked. It's fucking infuriating.

Nope i would still go with the burger or pasta or what ever is on the menu i fancy. Mind you so would my friends

I'll be your friend! Never been one to follow the crowd... especially a female one 😁

I've never known this to happen. Is there some kind of diet thing going on here...competitive subconscious thing as I remember me and my best friend were both dieting in our 20s and we might have been competing with each other subconsciously but not intentionally. This sounds weird to me, the only thing I've ever done when out is we all order different food then put it in the middle of the table and have a bit of each but that's been rare.
This is some weird diet thing to me.

The people who eat barely anything when they're out then stuff themselves at home there are some who eat well when out then diet like crazy behind closed doors which is the other extreme so it looks like they eat well and they haven't a problem so people wouldn't know there's any diet issues.

Not experienced this, but I do have a friend who orders a ton of food, like 2 starters, main, and dessert, but eats a bite or two of each and talks about how full she is. A few times the waiter has asked if there was a problem with the food, and she gets really annoyed. Weird and wasteful!

I’ve experienced this. It’s women being controlling.

I have never experienced this. I'd happily order a huge pizza and enjoy watching them eat their salad if I were you.

No way... We might choose starter or dessert but usually because portions can. quite big. But we have proper mains and plenty of wine

Meant to say skip starter or dessert

One of my friends would do this. Ask for a meal but with half the elements missing (no gluten or dairy; preference not allergy). Would make a big point of it before and during dinner, avoid dessert and again at the tea/coffee stage make a point of mentioning why she had stopped drinking caffeine and request an obscure herbal tea. It was tedious! Like the whole conversation had to revert back to the meal and her choices.

Mind you, now my friends will eat the three courses but moan about how bad they’re being and how they’ll need to rein it in the next day/for the rest of the week. It really puts a downer on things - if we’re going out for a nice meal (which doesn’t happen that often!) I choose beforehand not to feel guilty about what I’m going to eat but that I’m going to enjoy it. But it’s bloody hard when it’s all seen as a guilty extravagance or nuisance!!

Not in my circle, we’re more likely to all be on diets and then one person will order something “naughty” and the rest of us say sos it and follow suit 😂

Can.Not.Relate 😂😂😂😂

Fuck that. Sounds miserable.
Are you all uncomfortable with each other and feel like you’re going to be judged?
Next time why dont you just go for it and see if they follow.

I've been choosing the salad for about a year now due to being on a diet (lost 4st so far and I save my calories for the gin on nights out), and I can't say I've noticed anyone following suit - I'm always eyeing up their food, so I have been keeping score!