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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my friend has lied to me for money?

333 replies

AppleCrisps · 02/03/2019 15:23

A month ago, my friend decided that it'd be a good idea for us two to go on an overseas trip in April for "old time's sake" (we were very close during our uni years). I agreed, and sent £500 to her bank account to cover for my share of the lodging (payment was all supposed to be done online).

Fast forward to today, trip is cancelled since she "doesn't feel like going anymore". Okay, no problem. Asked her to transfer me the money, and she can't because she's "only got cash at the moment" and she wondered if I could "wait till Friday".

AIBU to be suspicious about this? If she was planning to book everything as per our agreement, why would she even withdraw the money in the first place? I don't want to sound like the paranoid/untrusting friend so haven't said anything to her beyond an "Oh, okay thanks".

OP posts:
Ruru8thestars · 07/03/2019 06:54

Hope you get it back

captainpantbeard · 07/03/2019 06:56

I think you’re right to give her the benefit of the doubt until Friday but if she starts stalling then stand your ground, and if she starts turning it around onto you (eg guilt trips) stay calm and clear.

SparkiePolastri · 07/03/2019 07:01

I find this OP and all the responses just bizarre.

If I received that text from a friend, I'd just respond with 'cool, thanks' and go about my day.

Confused
Powernaps · 07/03/2019 07:24

Sparkie The responses are not bizarre. Hmm What's bizarre is that the £500 should still be sat in the friend's account as it shouldn't have been touched/used - it's not her money, and the trip it was sent for hasn't been booked. This means that at some point the friend has spent the money in the account, as the trip booking was meant to be online so it's not like she has the excuse of withdrawing it to pay for the trip in cash somewhere.

All OP can do is sit tight and wait until Friday when (hopefully, possibly) friend can "put the cash back in the bank" (i.e. gets paid so she has something to give back to OP more likely) and can then transfer OP's money back to her.

It seems likely the friend has used OP's money to pay for something else. That's not bizarre reasoning, it's 99% likely the case. Otherwise friend would have replied "OK sure" and transferred the OP's money back and OP would not be writing a post about it!

Nothinglefttochoose · 07/03/2019 07:26

She’s sending you bitchy messages with eye roll emojis?? She owed you 500 pounds!! She’s got a bloody nerve. Call her out and then go no contact. She a selfish, hard arse bitch.

Kintan · 07/03/2019 07:34

I would have given her the benefit of the doubt, albeit suspiciously - but her last message makes me think she is definitely up to something dodgy. Whether that is lying to you to solve a temporary cash flow problem, or actively trying to steal from you, only time will tell!

SparkiePolastri · 07/03/2019 07:45

If a friend said they'd cancelled something and would get my payment back to me on or by X date, I'd say 'fine, thank you'.

Until they did an actual runner with my money, why would I be suspicious?

Sorry, I do find the OP's position, and the responses odd.

The friend hasn't stolen the money. She is planning to pay it back in a matter of mere days. I don't get the big deal and the insistence that it should be returned RIGHT NOW.

It wouldn't occur to me to get het up about this, or leap to some conclusion that I was being ripped off, or taken advantage of.

Montagu90 · 07/03/2019 07:57

I think the issue is that the trip was never booked so the money should not have been used. They planned a trip and OP sent over the amount it was likely to be but then the friend decided she didn't fancy it.

So no payment was ever made to a company nor any kind of deposit (if I understand correctly). The friend should still have the money in her account as it wasn't used and OP now needs it back since no trip is happening

The friend is saying she can't return it is she withdrew it and has it in cash. No reason given and wouldn't have been necessary to have it in cash. When OP then suggested she just pop round and pick it up, she received a slightly bitchy reply. This has what has triggered alarm bells that it's actually been spent and friend is waiting to be paid.

I think the OP is now waiting til Friday to see if the money return and isn't pushing for it as doesn't want to disrupt the friendship further...but is disappointed as feels the trip potentially wasn't going to happen and the friend perhaps just needed some short term cash. My summary of the thread anyway!! 😆

WarCat · 07/03/2019 08:23

I agree with @SparkiePolastri . I would only care if she didn't pay tomorrow. Until then, just calm down and put away the pitchforks. Hmm

Daisypie · 07/03/2019 08:37

From the money the holiday was cancelled there was no need for the money to be in friend's account. Looking forward to hearing Friday's excuse.

Nowthenforever2019 · 07/03/2019 08:55

It is odd the money has been withdrawn and spent. It indicates she was never really planning on booking the holiday as how would she have afforded it? If she doesn't have £500 to pay back the op until she gets paid, how would she have paid her half?

SparkiePolastri · 07/03/2019 09:07

Glad I'm not the only one @WarCat .

What a waste of energy.

MachineBee · 07/03/2019 09:19

I hope you get the money back OP but I fear you may have to write it off along with the friendship.

TinselAndKnickers · 07/03/2019 09:36

Fingers crossed you get your money blatant placemark!

Motoko · 07/03/2019 10:30

It really is quite simple, Sparkle and Warcat.

She's had the money for a month, but hadn't booked anything. Why did OP need to transfer the money a month ago, if friend wasn't going to book it yet?

Now, she's decided she just doesn't fancy going, but for some reason, she's taken the money out and has it in cash. When asked why she has it in cash, she's avoided answering, by asking OP if she's skint.

She has no legitimate reason to be stalling paying OP the money back. £500 is a lot of money. And yet she was able to buy an expensive pair of trainers last week.

GreigLaidlawsbarofsoap · 07/03/2019 10:37

The "is everything ok?" text from a PP above is very good OP, although I would miss out the bit about being more concerned for her than the money - don't give ANY hint at all that you don't want/need it back or she will grab on to it like a life belt. "You said you weren't bothered about getting it back!" I can hear it now ... people in situations twist words to suit what they want to hear, believe me.

WeirdCatLady · 07/03/2019 13:14

I hope she coughs up the money tomorrow OP, though I suspect you will never see it again.

Ikanon · 07/03/2019 13:21

The money should just be sitting in her account unused if the holiday wasn't booked. THAT'S what's weird about the whole thing.

LunafortJest · 07/03/2019 14:22

@SparkiePolastri What you don't seem to get is that there is no reason for the friend to not have the money. OP bank transferred the money. It therefore, should still be untouched in the friend's account. Therefore, it should just be a matter of transferring it back within minutes.

Babynut1 · 07/03/2019 14:30

Sounds to me like the friend is using you as a cheap payday loan!

SparkiePolastri · 07/03/2019 16:59

I do get that. But as long as I got the cash back within a matter of days, I wouldn't care.

Obviously others would, and would insist on getting it back right that second.

pictish · 07/03/2019 17:18

Sounds dodgy to me too. Might be innocent but my beepers would be...err beeping.
You’re being too nice. “I was wondering if you’d be home?”
“Sorry I won’t be in tomorrow, I’ve got some bullshit fictitious prior arrangement to declare, in the interests of stalling you.”

“No problem. I could do with having it immediately as it happens so I’ll pop round for it tonight. What time will you be home?” would have been better.

Anyway, that’s no help now I don’t suppose.
My advice...be firmer. It’s £500. Don’t fuck about. Cheerful but resolute. Friendly but direct.

pictish · 07/03/2019 17:27

Sorry, please disregard that last post. I didn’t realise there were 5 pages. I’m way behind.

OP that reply was rude AF. Very arrogant. I would be bristling.
She pulled out of the trip rather dismissively as well.
Obviously she has her good points, otherwise she wouldn’t be your friend...but she’s not coming across well to me at all.

ashtrayheart · 07/03/2019 17:49

Those people saying they wouldn’t be bothered - so a blatant lie rather than an honest ‘look I was really short and spent some, is it ok if I pay you back on Friday when I get paid’ was acceptable and not annoying at all?

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon · 07/03/2019 19:32

Fingers crossed for tomorrow op.
Suspect they will be an excuse as to why you can't have it tbh.
Cat needed to see a vet.
Car needs a new xy+z.
Relative has died and she needs an outfit for the funeral.
Top 20 excuses will be coming your way.
You need to have a comeback.
Though I doubt your friendship will come back from this regardless.