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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my friend has lied to me for money?

333 replies

AppleCrisps · 02/03/2019 15:23

A month ago, my friend decided that it'd be a good idea for us two to go on an overseas trip in April for "old time's sake" (we were very close during our uni years). I agreed, and sent £500 to her bank account to cover for my share of the lodging (payment was all supposed to be done online).

Fast forward to today, trip is cancelled since she "doesn't feel like going anymore". Okay, no problem. Asked her to transfer me the money, and she can't because she's "only got cash at the moment" and she wondered if I could "wait till Friday".

AIBU to be suspicious about this? If she was planning to book everything as per our agreement, why would she even withdraw the money in the first place? I don't want to sound like the paranoid/untrusting friend so haven't said anything to her beyond an "Oh, okay thanks".

OP posts:
whodidapoopoointhebath · 04/03/2019 07:54

I think the fact that she just decided she didn’t want to go anymore shows what sort of friend she is, i’d be gutted if that was the reason a friend pulled out.

Re the money she should just be honest with you, if she’s said to you she’s sorry but she used it for something else but she’ll defo pay it back Friday then I’m sure you’d be annoyed but would deal with it. The issue is her evading you and trying to make out that you are the unreasonable one.

I think you might want to consider how friendly you want to be after this is resolved

LouJJersey · 04/03/2019 09:45

I think she’s got herself into some £ trouble. It isn’t fair if this is the case at all but people do desperate things when they’re desperate. I’d have trusted her. Hope you get it back x

hastingsmua1 · 04/03/2019 09:52

To be fair reading the updates, she might not be trying to scam you at all, but just being a bit slow and careless.

I don’t think she values your friendship very much. The fact that she pulled out of the holiday simply because she wasn’t feeling it anymore is a bit sad. Unless there were other reasons like work, personal issues etc of course.

I also find it off that she asked you to transfer the money for lodging etc, but didn’t actually book anything for a month. Makes me wonder when she decided not to go because if she was serious, she would have booked it sooner. Also I think the decent thing to do would have been to transfer the money back at the same time that she informed you about this. But hey ho, hopefully she pays you back on Friday

hastingsmua1 · 04/03/2019 09:56

Also for what it’s worth bank transfers can credit the same day, you won’t necessarily have to wait until Monday. Most in-app bank transfers are done using the faster payment service by default, even when the receiving bank is a different company. This means that if she transfers it back on Friday, you should really see it instantly or within a few hours.

Bignosenobum · 04/03/2019 10:06

£500 is a lot of money. I never give anyone money except immediate family and only as a gift. I think she is making up excuses. Probably needed the money. Also, why suggest a holiday costing her £500 as well if she is broke. So she is broke and scamming or genuine. Tell her you need the money back due to unexpected bill

dontgobaconmyheart · 04/03/2019 10:13

I think it sounds obvious she's spent the money, the rest sounds like an ill thought out lie (maybe she's embarrassed) to cover that up until payday/some money comes in. I'd have done the same OP, waiting a few days to see hardly matters. If I'd not heard by Friday afternoon I would message and ask if there was an issue, and request honesty. Financial trouble can strike any of us ultimately and people do out of character things.

Obviously don't give this person money again though, if the situation repeats re: the holiday, have her pay you first.

As an aside if you really think this person would and could scam you, surely the friendship is over anyway? I'd not want to have an awful lot to do with someone I thought so low of.

Wejustdontknow · 04/03/2019 10:54

it is very strange, I agree with others that she has spent the money but if she is planning on paying it back Friday why say anything at all now, why not just wait till Friday then say she has changed her mind and send you your money back as it’s obvious to anyone that as soon as she says she isn’t going anymore that you would ask for your money back.
If you do get it back Friday please ask her why she had it in cash as if she was paying by debit card the cash wouldn’t be any use and please keep us updated

Bugbabe1970 · 04/03/2019 12:12

Just give her a chance
If she’s a friend then just say not to worry you’ll have the money Friday. Or just ask her if she’s spent it and if she has then ask her when is the earliest she can pay you back.
Very harsh comments on her

JustGettingStarted · 04/03/2019 12:22

I do think you'll have to wait until Friday to find out what is going to happen. I hope she pays you.

NWQM · 04/03/2019 13:25

*I would message her back:
"Is everything ok? I'm genuinely shocked at your last message, I wasn't meaning to cause you to be so defensive: I paid you money for a holiday, we're no longer going so I would like the money back, and I'm unsure why me needing it is a problem? Is that unreasonable somehow? I was surprised you had it in cash after I transferred it, I assumed it was just sitting in your account so could easily be transferred back? But honestly I'm not interested in arguing and following your response am more concerned for you than I am the money. Happy to wait til Friday if that gives you time to sort whatever it is, but I do need it back so would rather know if there is a problem."”

This sounds like a perfect text to me. I wouldn’t just wait & see what Friday brings

Pinkyyy · 04/03/2019 13:36

OP please get some sort of written agreement for this money. You need a text or email with her confirming that she received the money, and stating that she will pay it back in full. Sometimes it's best to assume the worst so that you're prepared in any scenario.

Jaxinthebox · 04/03/2019 13:55

"Is everything ok? I'm genuinely shocked at your last message, I wasn't meaning to cause you to be so defensive: I paid you money for a holiday, we're no longer going so I would like the money back, and I'm unsure why me needing it is a problem? Is that unreasonable somehow? I was surprised you had it in cash after I transferred it, I assumed it was just sitting in your account so could easily be transferred back? But honestly I'm not interested in arguing and following your response am more concerned for you than I am the money. Happy to wait til Friday if that gives you time to sort whatever it is, but I do need it back so would rather know if there is a problem."

^^^ . this response I think is perfect - although I would miss out the concern re money V her.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 04/03/2019 14:20

I jumped to the worst possible scenario due to what I know about her attitude towards money

I wouldn't call that being a "shite friend"; it's surely more like using common sense based on experience

Anyway, now you know she's been buying expensive trainers at least there's no question of her being desperate for money. Hopefully that'll translate to you being repaid come Friday ...

Tattletale · 04/03/2019 15:05

Feel for you OP. It's going to be a long wait until Friday.

Dillydallyer · 04/03/2019 19:33

Her reply was a bit shitty! Hope you get it back on Friday

IndieTara · 04/03/2019 20:27

Really hope you get it back op

fuckthisshite · 04/03/2019 21:11

What a nasty piece of work. I hope you get your money back OP and then tell her how shitty she has been towards you and this situation. I'd be cutting her off completely.

Or I hope she uses MN and reads this for herself.

AnnieCat84 · 04/03/2019 21:27

I hope you get your money back!
All sounds a bit off to me...

Pollyhops · 06/03/2019 06:17

Another one hoping you get your money back on Friday.

justilou1 · 07/03/2019 04:06

Did you get it???

justilou1 · 07/03/2019 04:07

Oh... Friday... My week’s all messed up. Shift work. Sorry!

WhiteDust · 07/03/2019 06:29

She sounds vile.
She's spent your money.

WhiteDust · 07/03/2019 06:34

I genuinely don’t understand why everyone (including OP) is so quick to badge this mate as a scheming con artist.
Because she says she has OP's money in cash but can't seem to figure out a way to give it back?

  1. Go to the bank
  2. Pay it in to the OP's bank account.
She can't do that though can she? Because she hasn't got the money anymore.
ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 07/03/2019 06:38

I hope you get it back op, but do suspect you'll get a text tonight/tomorrow with excuses or the offer of 'instalments'. If the latter, please do emphasise that you need it back and don't be guilted!

PersonaNonGarter · 07/03/2019 06:47

I think you will get the money back but as everyone else has said - screen shot everything.