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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my friend has lied to me for money?

333 replies

AppleCrisps · 02/03/2019 15:23

A month ago, my friend decided that it'd be a good idea for us two to go on an overseas trip in April for "old time's sake" (we were very close during our uni years). I agreed, and sent £500 to her bank account to cover for my share of the lodging (payment was all supposed to be done online).

Fast forward to today, trip is cancelled since she "doesn't feel like going anymore". Okay, no problem. Asked her to transfer me the money, and she can't because she's "only got cash at the moment" and she wondered if I could "wait till Friday".

AIBU to be suspicious about this? If she was planning to book everything as per our agreement, why would she even withdraw the money in the first place? I don't want to sound like the paranoid/untrusting friend so haven't said anything to her beyond an "Oh, okay thanks".

OP posts:
Vynalbob · 03/03/2019 19:13

Bad friend = it was a scam from the beginning
If good friend = something embarrassing has happened and she has fibbed until she can pay you back

Vynalbob · 03/03/2019 19:17

If you want to cover yourself. Email a detailed question which would mean she had to answer in such a way as to confirm your money transfer.

Rockmysocks · 03/03/2019 19:18

If she won't respond to texts, etc, go to small claims. Sounds like you have plenty of evidence from text messages to prove you sent her the money and that she hasn't returned it.

BasinHaircut · 03/03/2019 19:20

I genuinely don’t understand why everyone (including OP) is so quick to badge this mate as a scheming con artist. She doesn’t seem to have any previous form for it from the information shared.

Her going off the idea of a holiday seems a bit off I grant you, and if it were my usually trustworthy friend I’d be more worried that everything was OK than having to wait a week for my money back.

losingfaith · 03/03/2019 19:38

Friends don't do this. Fingers crossed you get your money back on Friday. Either way I'd cull the relationship after that - no explanation needed, she will know why.

RescueRemedy21 · 03/03/2019 19:39

I would message her back:
"Is everything ok? I'm genuinely shocked at your last message, I wasn't meaning to cause you to be so defensive: I paid you money for a holiday, we're no longer going so I would like the money back, and I'm unsure why me needing it is a problem? Is that unreasonable somehow? I was surprised you had it in cash after I transferred it, I assumed it was just sitting in your account so could easily be transferred back? But honestly I'm not interested in arguing and following your response am more concerned for you than I am the money. Happy to wait til Friday if that gives you time to sort whatever it is, but I do need it back so would rather know if there is a problem."

zzzzz · 03/03/2019 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Foxylass · 03/03/2019 19:49

Goodness, I wonder if she took it out of her account to 'keep it safe' from direct debits etc??? However it is YOUR money and you should get it back ASAP.
Send a message that clarifies that she has got YOUR money and that she WILL send it to you on Friday. Put dates etc...

Good luck.

Original poster
AppleCrisps · 03/03/2019 19:52

I genuinely don’t understand why everyone (including OP) is so quick to badge this mate as a scheming con artist.

I'm not writing her off as a "scheming con artist". I'm just annoyed that she won't give me a straight answer ("Why do you have it in cash though lol" went unanswered). Surely if something was wrong she could tell me instead of avoiding the topic entirely? She's also got new adidas NMDs 4 days ago according to Instagram which is normal spending for her so I didn't consider that anything would be wrong.

Of course, I may be completely off and come off as an utter twat for doubting her. But we'll see.

OP posts:
BornInAThunderstorm · 03/03/2019 19:55

She says she’s too busy but personally I’d rather have a friend pop round for 5 minutes to pickup cash than have to find time to get to my nearest bank and deposit cash outside of working hours.

Original poster
AppleCrisps · 03/03/2019 19:55

BasinHaircut, read back and my response to your reply sounded harsher than I intended it to be. Sorry.

OP posts:
BasinHaircut · 03/03/2019 19:58

But you were suspicious for her before you send your ‘lol’ message OP? It is the entire point of your thread.

She did give you a straight answer to your original request. All the money she has is in cash and she will send it back on Friday.

You don’t need it immediately so no harm no foul? You have started questioning her motives and have probably annoyed her, as she has you.

BasinHaircut · 03/03/2019 20:00

No worries Apple!

Is there more to why you are suspicious of her though? We don’t know her but you do.

I can think of one ex friend who would pull a stunt if she needed money rather than ask, even though she would have intended to pay it back. And it would be the deceit not the money that annoyed me. Is that it?

ZforZack · 03/03/2019 20:01

Good luck for Friday Op !

GeeksCanBeMumsToo · 03/03/2019 20:09

Hope you get it Friday! Even if you do, I wouldn’t be transferring any money to her again. Bit of a cow bag response!

Original poster
AppleCrisps · 03/03/2019 20:20

But you were suspicious for her before you send your ‘lol’ message OP? It is the entire point of your thread.

Initially it was the cash-only part that sparked my suspicions. At the time it made no sense at all, so I jumped to the worst possible scenario due to what I know about her attitude towards money (which I know, kind of makes me a shite friend but it's not a topic we think about normally if at all).

Of course having read some of the replies she might be saving it from being deducted. The lack of a straight answer to the 'lol question' though is why I got even more annoyed because that explanation is one I'd fully understand!

OP posts:
ashtrayheart · 03/03/2019 20:29

I think you will get it back, but that she doesn’t currently have it! I would be backing off from her after this though once you have it back.

alliwantisagoodnightssleep · 03/03/2019 20:29

Maybe she bought the new Adidas with your money... If you get the money back, I would probably draw a line under it but it would affect my friendship.

expat101 · 03/03/2019 20:34

As we have just rolled into a new month, is it possible her bank fees are high (maybe she even incurred an overdraft fee and interest) and its all come out of the principal, but she is too proud to tell you she was so skint?

Teacher22 · 03/03/2019 20:47

Well, try to get the money back but I think you have just bought £500 worth of experience of human nature. In the long run it will save you much more than £500 but only as long as you have thoroughly learnt the lesson.

achapman · 03/03/2019 22:29

She's also said Friday, knowing you can't check whether the money's there until the following Monday. I'd say definitely stalling you ...

TurtleyAwesome · 03/03/2019 22:52

Do let us know on Friday if it turns up! Fingers crossed for you

Rubies12345 · 03/03/2019 23:25

This actually happened to my friend at Uni.

A girl in her friendship group said she was organising a villa holiday, my friend and her boyfriend paid £400 fr their room and others did as well. Eventually the girl said some people had dropped out so the villa holiday could not go ahead. When friend asked for her money back she said she didn't have it anymore Shock . It's not clear whether there ever really was going to be a holiday. Maybe it's a well known scam.

Ireallywantmylifeback · 03/03/2019 23:45

Good luck for Friday op. I really hope that you'll get your money back 🤞🤞🤞
That reply was very off tho 🤷‍♀️

Dalamane · 04/03/2019 00:21

You know this 'friend' better than any of us so - based on past experience, have you been on holiday with her before under similar circumstances? Did you suspect anything untoward about how she broached the subject around paying for it? Does she blow hot and cold normally, one minute it's a great idea & the next it's not? Has she asked you for money before and paid it back when agreed?

Have you rung her workplace to see if she's actually there? Depending on her job, is she often busy outside work or usually at home after work?

To be fair, you transferred the money to her for a holiday and as soon as she got it she changed her mind and put obstacles in the way of you getting it back. Knowing that you'd only lend her money for reasons you've specified earlier, she's come up with the joint holiday plans to get money off you basically by deception and has trashed your good nature all over the floor. Doesn't sound like she has 1 ounce of respect for your friendship or your trust. I'm assuming she's a lying, scheming ratbag and once you get your money back i'd end the friendship. You don't treat people like that x