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Original poster

To advise my daughter to marry rich.

308 replies

miyty · 02/03/2019 14:25

Ok hear me out.

I will be advising my daughters to look at a person's job and prospects and to really think about what life will look like with someone in a poorly paid career/ job.

Im not saying that this is the main focus- not at all. Merely it is something to definitely think strong and hard about.

Looking at all my friends and family. The ones that are financially well off and have a lot more life choices for themselves and a better quality of life for their kids too have married men who have very good jobs. They themselves are mostly in mediocre jobs and a few of them have never even worked.

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 03/03/2019 10:19

"They themselves are mostly in mediocre jobs and a few of them have never even worked.

Advise them not to be these people. That'd be better."

Oh yes, I'll quite my normal job tomorrow and get a great by next month.
It doesn't work like that.

MsTSwift · 03/03/2019 10:20

Also it’s a dangerous message have known women with ridiculous expectations of men they themselves quite ordinary but they won’t settle for anything less than rich handsome and adoring. Most remain single.

Espressomartin · 03/03/2019 10:42

What you say about carers/childminders is correct Gwen however working hard but earning a low wage isn’t going to make that person an attractive proposition for a hard working high earner. As you say, there could be a skills or talent gap between them which will promote incompatiblity.

Oliversmumsarmy · 03/03/2019 10:47

G5000 from what Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername said it looked like her friend married for money

beanaseireann · 03/03/2019 10:48

Is this a journalist planting a thread to use in an article ?

KateyFi · 03/03/2019 10:50

I married a man 12 years older and wealthy. I loved him but have to admit financial security was part of the attraction. It was awful and I am damaged as a result. I understand wanting ambition and equality if your daughter is clever and likely to have good prospects independently but otherwise stay well away from money = happiness. It doesn't.

Parker231 · 03/03/2019 10:55

Wow - what a dreadful suggestion to make to your daughter. Are you recommending that your son also looks for a rich partner. We have DT’s (b/g) - they have both had an excellent education and are now at Uni. I will be really disappointed if they aren’t both able to financially support themselves regardless of their future partner.

Uptheapplesandpears · 03/03/2019 10:57

It's also necessary to take into account the reality of increasingly assortative mating. That is, if your daughter is to marry rich, she is likely to need to be at least one of rich and successful herself, or to be very attractive instead.

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 03/03/2019 11:26

Oliver...shes still in the house, but has to be sold when youngesr is 21. Shes still got 2 years in there, so 2 years to still fund her extremely extravagant lifestyle, on bear minimum income. .. point being, if she had any kind of experience behind her, she could get a job, but refuses to anyway, because she was taught to "marry rich". We're the same ages....middle 50s....Everything I have is because i work for it.....everything she has is because someone else worked for it, and the rug is about to be pulled from under her

Oliversmumsarmy · 03/03/2019 11:40

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername

I don’t understand why the rug is going to be pulled from under her if she married rich.

Surely she will get half the proceeds from the house, the furniture and she has jewellery that was given as gifts over the years

Hardly going to be on her bones.

I think she either had a crap lawyer. They must have been really crap as I did a lot of friends statements and I haven’t even got a qualification to my name (although friend said I should hire myself out as a quasi divorce lawyer). It looks like the split will be 60/40 to friend. Friend gets ownership of the marital home and a large chunk of money

Or

She is acting the martyr

Or

She didn’t marry for money in the first place because there wasn’t money there

Uptheapplesandpears · 03/03/2019 12:20

I imagine the half of everything wont be enough to fund a smaller home in the area she wants to live in etc? So the rug will literally be pulled from under her in that she wont be able to stay, but hardly penniless either.

CinammonPorridge · 03/03/2019 13:12

I would also add they have to be financially stable.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 03/03/2019 13:19

I got told by DM to never marry for money but to always marry where money is (ie marry someone solvent and good with their money). More importantly though, she also taught me how to be good with my own.

kenandbarbie · 03/03/2019 13:31

I'd advise my daughter and sons to marry someone kind and hardworking with prospects. This is a very goady thread.

tablelegs · 03/03/2019 13:56

Could you not advise her to earn her own money?

cupofteaandcake · 03/03/2019 13:58

I have told both mine to be independent and have their own careers and money not to rely on someone else. I would also add that I am telling both of them, but especially my daughter, to be very careful who you create a life with. It's fine having a career and money but 'having it all' doesn't mean 'doing it all', she needs to find someone who has a sense of understanding, fairness and support when it comes to children.

For those who have said surely someone will be ok if they marry money because they will get half, I would think again. There is now a massive wealth divide and many mc parents who want to help their children will be ensuring that this money is protected.

malificent7 · 03/03/2019 14:02

Who said feminism was dead?! Confused

RabbityMcRabbit · 03/03/2019 14:11

They themselves are mostly in mediocre jobs and a few of them have never even worked.
They'll be screwed if the marriage breaks down then

HeavensNoHellYeah · 03/03/2019 14:14

Not necessarily marry rich, but I will be advising my daughter to take seriously how hard a potential partner works.

My boyfriend and I are far from rich. In fact we are pretty much just scraping out of living like students after our previous relationships broke down and left us both homeless and broke.

He was earning 600 a month this time past year and I was too severely underweight to work. I don't care about the money whether it's 600 or 6k a month. The fact he still went out to work and how hard he works at his new job now despite not being great pay still is what I respect.

My daughter's dad is also very hard working. I want her to be with someone like that.

joyfullittlehippo · 03/03/2019 14:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gwenhwyfar · 03/03/2019 14:19

"They themselves are mostly in mediocre jobs and a few of them have never even worked.
They'll be screwed if the marriage breaks down then"

Well they'll have less because it's more expensive to run two households, but I don't see why they'd be left with nothing if they were married and not cohabiting. The one divorced with a mediocre job would probably be better off than if she'd never married the rich man.

windygallows · 03/03/2019 16:55

Most posters will say their daughters should ensure they have a career and to marry someone kind and ambitious, not necessarily rich.

The thing is at my age when you look around (age 50) the women who are living comfortably seem to be the ones who don't work, who have married well and/or relying on the salary of a well paid man. Go figure!

cobalt90 · 03/03/2019 17:00

The thing is at my age when you look around (age 50) the women who are living comfortably seem to be the ones who don't work, who have married well and/or relying on the salary of a well paid man. Go figure!

Perhaps that's because women in those days had less opportunities to do well for themselves than women do today?

Amibeingnaive · 03/03/2019 17:06

I met my DH at work (city jobs). He is a very high earner. I also earn a very decent wage, but a fraction of his.

I often get asked why I don't just stop working, because I don't need to work.

It never seems to occur to people that I enjoy my job, like to use my brain and the qualifications I work hard to achieve and value my financial independence.

This explains why.

windygallows · 03/03/2019 17:07

Perhaps that's because women in those days had less opportunities to do well for themselves than women do today?

Well it wasn't the 1950s. I went to University in the late 80s/early 90s and there was definitely a push for women to have careers. Things are probably easier for women now with more awareness of discrimination in the workplace, legislation, and more women in traditional 'men's jobs' but I don't think it was radically different back then.

Frankly I think the message we need to give our (heterosexual) daughters is just to get married if only because single women are screwed financially. Seriously do you know how tough it is buying a house or making a life with one income? Having a household income that includes a man's income makes life loads easier and you only need to look around to see that. For the 20% of women who don't marry/get a partner, life is much tougher financially.