Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To advise my daughter to marry rich.

308 replies

miyty · 02/03/2019 14:25

Ok hear me out.

I will be advising my daughters to look at a person's job and prospects and to really think about what life will look like with someone in a poorly paid career/ job.

Im not saying that this is the main focus- not at all. Merely it is something to definitely think strong and hard about.

Looking at all my friends and family. The ones that are financially well off and have a lot more life choices for themselves and a better quality of life for their kids too have married men who have very good jobs. They themselves are mostly in mediocre jobs and a few of them have never even worked.

OP posts:
Lavenderdays · 02/03/2019 22:12

Not millionnaire rich but tbh agree, especially if she wants to be a sahm

I agree women should focus on their own careers primarily but if you manage to marry someone both kind and relatively well off, this is the winning combination. The cost of living is high. Bringing up kids is expensive. Two people having to work (not wanting to) is probably not great. It might be a bit draconian but I really do think it is something to consider. Happiness is of course a combination of things but money can ease situations and enable choice.

However,, it's good advice to find someone with the qualities that people who are often financially successful likely have. They tend to include but are not limited to diligence, intelligence, conscientiousness, kindness and courtesy, skill in a particular field, being prepared to work hard and stick at something.

This also.

MorganKitten · 02/03/2019 22:13

Erm no, advise her to aim high and get a well paid job she enjoys, learn how to take care of herself, save money and do things she enjoys. Marry for love. Not money.

ketchupormayo · 02/03/2019 22:13

I'm a dental nurse- I married a dentist who gave me a life I could never dream off. My mums happy because I'm happy. I'd still love him if he had a crap job but it is amazing that I've married someone who can support me and who supports all my shopping habits!

Fiveredbricks · 02/03/2019 22:15

I'd advise her to work hard and get as far as she wants to, but to marry someone with equal ambition and prospects. Nothing less sexy than a partner that doesn't want to better themselves imo.

derxa · 02/03/2019 22:16

Go for inherited wealth only, darling. Absolutely Grin

Titsywoo · 02/03/2019 22:27

My DH earned very little when we met. I earned more than him. I married him because he is the best man I know. Kindness, generosity, humour, intelligence - some of the many qualities I think a person should look for in a partner. We worked hard and he now earns a lot of money and I earn well still (although a lot less than him). We have a good life but we worked hard for it together - that journey made us the strong couple we are now. So no I would tell my daughter to marry the person who makes her feel safe and loved and who always supports her and works hard with her to create a good life. Money really isn't everything.

ReaganSomerset · 02/03/2019 22:42

Go for inherited wealth only, darling

Agreed. Never trust new money - easy come, easy go.

TheFaerieQueene · 02/03/2019 22:49

This is a weird thread. Do I smell a journalist? 🤔

SuziQ10 · 02/03/2019 22:53

I don't think you're being U.
Of course teach them to work hard, aim high in their own careers and become self sufficient. But if they are going to settle down eventually with a partner then yes, it's sensible that the partner is likeminded and in a similar, stable position with a promising career. That's what I'd want for my DD. Along with lots of other things like mutual trust, respect and love.

Hammondisback · 02/03/2019 22:54

I’ve advised my daughter to work hard and (try to) have a brilliant career of her own, yet I’ve also advised her to marry rich and intelligent. I married a kind and decent man, who hasn’t always had good jobs and doesn’t stimulate me at all intellectually. I regret not holding out for someone cleverer and higher earning, although I certainly don’t regret our DD.

SpeedyBojangles · 02/03/2019 23:08

Will you be advising your sons (if you have any), the same thing or is it just girls that should marry for money? Hmm

hickerydickerydockmouse · 02/03/2019 23:23

I would advice her to be financially independent herself and also find a man who is kind, gentle, treats her well, has a good heart and a good job. You cannot disregard personality just for money. But we will advise her to find someone who is well educated and settled. Financial problems are no joke. Yes both should shoulder the financial burden but if she decides to have children then she will have to take time off for a while and would be good if her partner is able to support the family.

wafflyversatile · 02/03/2019 23:27

Maybe you should encourage them to campaign for a more just and equal society where everyone has their needs met.

Lizzie48 · 02/03/2019 23:40

I don't think the OP has been back at all, has she? Very goady title.

It's certainly not something I'll be saying to my DDs. I don't want them to grow up believing they have to be dependent on a man.

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 03/03/2019 00:22

I have two DDs.

We discuss their likes and dislikes in regards to school subjects and potential careers and when they mention things they enjoy doing, I tell them about jobs which involve that. I keep it realistic and explain some jobs earn you more money but that if they organise themselves, get the relevant training after a levels or uni or college, that they should do something they enjoy which earns them at least enough to live.

Ive told them they dont have to have a partner or get married or feel pressured ro have kids. Ive also said that having them when i was younger has worked out better for me thanks to how ill ive gotten, but that we all would have been more secure years ago if I had studied, qualified, worked and saved, bought a property and THEN had kids.

Ive done everything backwards and i totally screwed myself over.

Also, when i was with an ex who was also the single resident parent of his three kids, thats the only time i somehow saved for my first ever trip to disneyland. If he hadnt been a bit rapey and us been in such a tiny house and his middle child being potentially dangerous, that could have been the happiest and most secure we had ever been.

Tell your daughter what you like, but its down to what you make happen, not what some person you marry has.

HappyDinosaur · 03/03/2019 00:24

Marry happy.

sourdoh · 03/03/2019 00:32

WineIsMyCarb and Shellery I like your posts. You've articulated my thoughts exactly.
My previous eloquence is escaping me...another one for the to do list!

Weirdlookingbricks · 03/03/2019 00:34

I would advise her to earn her own keep, marry a person she loves deeply and who feels the same about her.
My experience is that it's better to be happy than not. A gilded cage is still a cage. Money is nice but love is essential.

sourdoh · 03/03/2019 00:35

Speedy, my boys are being told exactly the same message as my daughters.
Personal accountability, every time.

Experience has been a great teacher for me though.

Jenny70 · 03/03/2019 00:37

Friends were talking about this, I think it is far more important for your daughter to marry a good, kind man than anything else.

Rich men/poor men can be bastards, they can lie, cheat, manipulate, leave when the going gets tough.

A good man will put her needs above his own, he will support her if she wants to work, be a stay at home mum, go back to study etc. He will be by her side if the kids get sick, she gets sick etc. Money doesn't buy that.

She can judge the finances herself for what she wants from life, but to really know the person she marries, and know their character is far more important.

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 03/03/2019 00:43

My friend did exactly this when she got married. She hasn't worked a day in her life since she did. 35 years later, shes divorced, on the bones of her arse, and not one qualification or job history. Yeah...advise your DC to marry for money OP. Hmm

SweetButaPsycho · 03/03/2019 01:00

Not read all pp but omg...
It's this mentality that's set back woman rights for decades! Your daughter does not need a rich man she needs the support and encouragement to believe in herself and her own abilities in order to earn a good wage in a career she enjoys. If she chooses to get married it should be for love, mutual respect and forging a solid partnership!

sighrollseyes · 03/03/2019 01:07

Advise her to get herself a good job and earn a good salary and be comfortable in herself to know she can stand on her own two feet.
Even if she did marry someone rich, one in three marriages end in divorce so she would be best placed being able to stand on her own two feet anyway!

MaybeitsMaybelline · 03/03/2019 07:27

When I met DH he was a lowly paid very young man with no qualifications and a manual job. He is now an operations director and last year earned £172k. We have no mortgage, three cars between two of us and went abroad five times last year.

I dare say my parents thought the same when I brought him home 35 years ago.

Who knows where hard work takes you and I can say we have been —mostly— happily married for over 25 years.

I guess DH would have been rejected by your family on this basis.

Incidentally I have encouraged my DD to never be financially dependent on a man. As I am not.

LaMarschallin · 03/03/2019 07:31

Rename her Marigold.
And hope she will.