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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teachers said my DD didn't have enough to eat

395 replies

StoppinBy · 01/03/2019 23:18

First off I think I am BU at how much I let this upset me for personal reasons but I am seeking clarification on whether I actually do send her enough.

When I picked up DD6 the teacher in charge at the time said to me that one of DD's teachers had said that I wasn't sending enough for her to eat, yesterday she had :

A vegemite sandwich, two cherry tomatoes, an apple, a chunk of cheese cut off the block and a big handful of nuts, she brought home a cherry tomato, some of her crust and some of her nuts .

The reasoning behind saying she didn't have enough food was that she had eaten her sandwich and a tomato and her cheese at 'snack time' - 11am and then had her nuts and apple at lunch - 1pm. Apparently she often does this.

We usually have lunch at 11:30 - 12 at home to fit around DS's naps so personally I can't see the issue with how she ate and I feel that if she was actually hungry that she would eat everything in her lunch box but she regularly brings stuff home.

AIBU to think that she does have enough food and that the teachers are actually wrong or do most kids eat more than that?

OP posts:
OwlBeThere · 02/03/2019 02:43

She prefers to eat her lunch earlier. simple as that, they're getting their knickers in a knot about nothing!

flumpybear · 02/03/2019 03:04

Sounds like a healthy lunch, but is your child hungry or playing up/not concentrating because she's hungry but she's t want what's left over?

I had to send DS with an afternoon snack whilst he was about 5-6 years old as he was visibly 'hangry' and upsetting the class in afternoons (our kids have school lunches, cooked including pudding) so would send in something he would eat like cheese and crackers for pm snack

Margot33 · 02/03/2019 03:21

Ask her if she needs an extra sandwich or something else (soup/crackers) at dinner time. She will tell you.

SnagAndChips · 02/03/2019 03:39

We are also in Aus and my kids always tell me that the eat most of their food at at snack. They have 10 mins to eat at lunchtime before the bell goes to go out and play, so most kids eat everything.

Our school sometimes make a jam sandwich if a kid has forgotten lunch, but otherwise assume kids have enough food.
I'm surprised a teacher is that bothered.

mathanxiety · 02/03/2019 03:40

Teachers in primary school used to comment that I was thin, and I was. My mum had bulimia/ weight dysmorphia issues and took it as a compliment.

I used to have a sandwich made mostly from home made brown bread with either Marmite or cheese plus butter, a piece of fruit from the garden in season, and either a Clubmilk, a rice krispie bun, or a small packet of crisps to do for lunch and snack, plus a drink of water. I had a flask and sometimes brought tomato soup. Even though I insisted on a breakfast of a toast sandwich with four fish fingers, butter and lemon juice I was ravenous a lot of the time.

We ate in our classrooms as we had no communal eating area, and no cooking or heating facilities so no school food. This is still the case in primary schools in Ireland afaik.

What you pack is nutritious as far as it goes, but not very substantial. Would your DD eat an individual pot of hummus with carrot sticks and bread sticks for snack, or rolled up deli meats and cheese with bread sticks? Or a pot of Greek yogurt and some fruit?
There is very little protein in the breakfast, snack and lunch foods you described. Protein tends to be quite filling.

Ignore if this doesn't apply!
If the issues you hint at are anything to do with an eating disorder, please try to err on the side of sending too much rather than letting an ED get in the way of feeding your DD enough.

Decormad38 · 02/03/2019 03:42

That sounds like a nice healthy well balanced lunch.

IAmNotAWitch · 02/03/2019 03:45

It is more than both of mine take DS1 (15) has vegemite and cheese sandwich plus banana. DS2 (8) has same (but no cheese) and also pot cherry tomatoes.

They both have breakfast and and something when they get in followed by dinner at around 6ish.

Both big strapping boys so I can't imagine a 6 year old girl needs more.

Shove a muesli bar in there if it will shut them up. She doesn't have to eat it if she doesn't want to.

Patienceisvirtuous · 02/03/2019 03:50

I’d stick in a banana too. Or a pressed fruit/nut bar.

masktaster · 02/03/2019 04:04

There is very little protein in the breakfast, snack and lunch foods you described. Protein tends to be quite filling

Nuts and cheese are great sources of protein, as is porridge if made with milk...

Nothinglefttochoose · 02/03/2019 04:12

I think she needs more. My daughter would be starving with just that. But it’s great healthy food so maybe just give her more?

ElliotBoy · 02/03/2019 04:15

Sounds like a school of immense privilege. I'm in New Zealand and this would be so trivial as to be laughable as around 20per cent of children have very little or no lunch.

IAmNotAWitch · 02/03/2019 04:17

Not to mention the fat/protein in butter and if the bread is wholemeal there will be some in there are well.

I would caution against an additional banana if she isn't likely to eat it. A banana that has been sitting in an enclosed plastic container for 6 hours in 30+ degrees is not nice for the Mum who opens that box. Grin

It is even worse if said lunchbox slips your mind at the start of Christmas school holidays...Envy

cherrryontop · 02/03/2019 04:18

It is enough for one meal but if she's eating some at snack time then I would put a couple more things in.

Maybe A yoghurt, crackers to go with the cheese, banana, mini malt loaf?

IAmNotAWitch · 02/03/2019 04:18

Wholegrain rather than wholemeal before the protein obsessives lose their minds.

TwoShades1 · 02/03/2019 04:19

It sounds fine to me. Maybe try sending something extra and see if it gets eaten? Veg sticks with hummus? Crackers to go with the cheese? Cereal bar? I do hate the dictating of what time people eat and what they have to eat. Personally I try to follow an intuitive style of eating, so I eat when hungry regardless of the “time” and what meal I’m “expected” to have.

mathanxiety · 02/03/2019 05:23

Nuts and cheese are great sources of protein, as is porridge if made with milk...

There's not much in what the OP describes even though she does include sources of protein. You would have to eat a lot more than she says she gives her DD in the environment she describes to fill her up. More protein = less hunger.

grinningcheshirecat · 02/03/2019 05:44

Op, did you explain that snack time is closer to your lunch time at home? What did the teacher say when you explained that?

SwimmingJustKeepSwimming · 02/03/2019 05:47

Ah the "little lunch" comments are making sense. My kids watch an imported Aus programme called "little lunch" and it took a while for us to work out it was what we called break..... simply as quite a few seem to have their lunch !

Kneehigim · 02/03/2019 05:54

I find little ones won't eat an apple unless it's chopped up for them. Cutted up pear if you will Grin.
Grapes/strawberries/banana/peeled orange/satsuma/plum etc. might be more likely to be eaten.
I would send an extra sandwich going forward. When they're active, they can really need carbs.
Fwiw, something similar happened to me, though the teacher didn't tell me about it. Dd came home (she would have had 1 slice of bread made into a sandwich, a cheese string and a yoghurt and some grapes) and told me that she had been so hungry at school that teacher had to give her some of her lunch! Shock I was absolutely mortified and from then on she got two slices of bread made into a sandwich along with everything else.
It was really kind of the teacher to have shared her lunch bless her. I'd have been beside myself if she had mentioned it to me though!

nanny3 · 02/03/2019 06:08

I give mine a small sandwich for snack as well as fruit sometimes he eats it other times not

IAmNotAWitch · 02/03/2019 06:12

Apples take too long according to my two. Time that could be spent doing better things.

ukgift2016 · 02/03/2019 06:25

I have a 6 year old DD. It doesn't sound a lot of food and my DD would be hungry with that lunch...my DD is a healthy weight but is very active.

Original poster
StoppinBy · 02/03/2019 06:38

Yes we make porridge with milk (whole milk if anyone was wondering), yes we use grain bread, sandwiches are usually made with deli meats but we had run out the day before, our cheese is also full fat.

No she wont eat hummus at all or yoghurt at school and repeatedly brings yoghurt home when I have sent them or opens them, eats a small bit and puts the rest back...... where it makes a stinky mess that I have to clean up Hmm

Her favourite fruit is apples and she has no problems eating those whole.

The problem isn't that she is hungry.... she brings food home most days, the issue the teachers seem to have is with WHEN not WHAT she is eating.

When the teacher brought it up with me it was right after she also gave me a 'talking to' about not packing my DD's hat (which in actuality was in her bag and DD had somehow not seen it when they were going for a class walk but told me she wore it at snack and lunch) so I was already taken aback, I did tell her what was in there and that she usually brings food home and she replied 'well that's something the two of you (DD and I) will need to work out' and then implied she had somewhere else to be, which actually makes no sense to me because neither of us have an issue with it and the school does.

From what I gather on this thread her lunch/snack is perfectly normal and I am not going to send in extra foods when she doesn't usually eat what she has in the first place, I will find out which teacher brought it up on Monday and bring it up with them directly to find out why they personally thought it was a problem.

Thank you all for your replies.

OP posts:
TildaTurnip · 02/03/2019 06:40

More protein = less hunger
But the child isn’t hungry so what’s been packed is enough.

SoyDora · 02/03/2019 06:40

My very skinny 5 year old DD would be ravenous after that but if your daughter is bringing food home then she’s obviously not hungry, so it’s not an issue. I’d just explain that she likes to eat her lunch earlier, and that she’s bringing food home so has plenty to eat.