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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teachers said my DD didn't have enough to eat

395 replies

StoppinBy · 01/03/2019 23:18

First off I think I am BU at how much I let this upset me for personal reasons but I am seeking clarification on whether I actually do send her enough.

When I picked up DD6 the teacher in charge at the time said to me that one of DD's teachers had said that I wasn't sending enough for her to eat, yesterday she had :

A vegemite sandwich, two cherry tomatoes, an apple, a chunk of cheese cut off the block and a big handful of nuts, she brought home a cherry tomato, some of her crust and some of her nuts .

The reasoning behind saying she didn't have enough food was that she had eaten her sandwich and a tomato and her cheese at 'snack time' - 11am and then had her nuts and apple at lunch - 1pm. Apparently she often does this.

We usually have lunch at 11:30 - 12 at home to fit around DS's naps so personally I can't see the issue with how she ate and I feel that if she was actually hungry that she would eat everything in her lunch box but she regularly brings stuff home.

AIBU to think that she does have enough food and that the teachers are actually wrong or do most kids eat more than that?

OP posts:
FamilyOfAliens · 01/03/2019 23:54

Didn't realise kids who bring packed lunches in UK schools don't have access to them at snack time.

Children in our school are allowed to bring some fruit or veg to eat at breaktime if they don’t get some through the free fruit and veg scheme.

Whyyounoeatmypie · 01/03/2019 23:56

I think your daughter should eat what she wants when she wants from the selection of balanced food you've provided her! It sounds like she's self-regulating her food intake very well withun the healthy boundaries you're setting.

Msgiggles30 · 01/03/2019 23:57

Angelica, Ours do have access if they really want to but it just seems inbuilt that they go get their 'snack' out of them. Snack seems to be deemed as fruit etc by the parents too as often in a separate pot. Also i guess they associate it with fruit/veg/milk as they are used to that in thier first 2 years of schooling as we have the circle time altogether and chat whilst having snack. Again I think its down to social and cultrual norms so this thread has been interesting to find out how things differ in different countries :)

DauntlessFaction · 01/03/2019 23:57

I am a teacher and couldnt imagine our children going to get thier sandwich out for snack time, most schools only allow fruit for snack and then provide milk/water.

My daughters school and a few locally that my friends children attend only allow fruit at snack time.

Original poster
StoppinBy · 01/03/2019 23:58

@aliens, no they did not, as previously stated, for personal reasons this is a touchy subject for me and for the teacher to feel the need to say something to me then clearly they are suggesting that I am neglecting a basic need of my daughters..... to actually feed her.

Break is at 11am, we usually have lunch at 11:30/12 at home so her being ready for lunch at 11am rather than waiting until 1pm seems pretty reasonable to me?

Ours is an 'active learning' school, children are always moving about and on the go, not sitting at desks so after three hours I also feel it is reasonable for her to be hungry.

OP posts:
Original poster
StoppinBy · 02/03/2019 00:02

@janet, but she is bringing food home almost every day, doesn't that seem to say that she isn't hungry?

Wouldn't she be eating all her food is she was hungry? As above even yesterday she brought home some of her nuts, a tomato and some crust, these are all things (apart from the crust) that she likes to eat.

OP posts:
StBernard · 02/03/2019 00:02

StoppinBy my dc aren't at school in Uk either, and similar to yours take a snack and a lunch. My ds is 4, for snack he has a croissant or half a sandwich and an apple. For lunch he has some carrot sticks, some cucumber and a banana. Sometimes he eats the other half of his sandwich, sometimes not. My 6yo is opposite and eats little at break and most at lunchtime. Surely kids are all different and as long as they are satisfied (which it sounds like she is if she's leaving bits) then it doesn't matter.

LittleBirdBlues · 02/03/2019 00:06

How odd that they would mention this to you. Maybe add a pack of oatcakes so she can have that at snack time with some fruit, leaving her the sandwich for lunch.

Yabbers · 02/03/2019 00:13

In the UK most infant children get free fruit / veg at breaktime, so there’s no need to go and get their lunchbox out at breaktine.

Not in Scotland they don't.

MarcusDidius · 02/03/2019 00:14

@StoppinBy At 6 yo, is your daughter in Kindergarten (or its equivalent in your state)?

I used to teach primary classes in NSW. The first year I taught Yr 3, I thought it was interesting that the children, just up from the infant's department, used to called their playlunch "little lunch" to differentiate the two and stop them from eating their main lunch at recess. So, from my experience, your daughter's teacher should perhaps be emphasising what to eat and when to eat it, and if your daughter chooses to eat her sandwich at recess, so be it.

I did teach in some schools where we ate with the children to make sure that they were actually eating, but in your daughter's case, I would have ignored a single incident, especially as the evidence of her crusts showed she had actually had a sandwich.

Don't take it to heart. I don't know if it's the case here, but a lot of inexperienced teachers can handle things poorly.

Original poster
StoppinBy · 02/03/2019 00:17

@Marcus she is in Grade 1 - I think that's equal to prep in NSW.

OP posts:
Gone4Good · 02/03/2019 00:18

It was the vegemite sandwich that gave away that it was Australia for me.

YouBumder · 02/03/2019 00:22

If she’s bringing food home she’s clearly not going hungry. I’d try to discourage her eating the bulk of her lunch at break though. It’s all very well saying what you do at home but she’s at school 5 days a week, it’s fair enough to have a different routine there to the 2 days at home.

At the schools mine have gone to lunch and snack are packed separately as the lunch is put on a trolley and given back at lunchtime. They have their snack in their bag for breaks.

Gone4Good · 02/03/2019 00:22

Here in the U.S. - well at the school mine went to anyway - their lunch boxes were stored in the same place they kept their coats and so they could snack whenever they wanted to.

MarcusDidius · 02/03/2019 00:30

@StoppinBy I actually never taught infants, the youngest I taught was Yr 3 which meant it was their fourth year in school, and their first in primary.

Both Year 3 classes I taught were very bright - the school was very large and streamed for ability/independence, etc - and they still called their playlunch "little lunch" so obviously the school saw the need to use the right through their three years of infant's school.

All I can say is heaven preserve us from officious teachers. I've certainly seen enough of those, and, sadly, probably did my fair share of it back in the day.

dreichuplands · 02/03/2019 00:31

I would throw in a banana and something like a bag of pretzels for a while. If she isn't hungry she will leave them. If all the teacher has seen is nuts and toms at lunch she may have been worried.
Or talking to my DC some DC bring mini sandwiches for snack as well as lunch. A couple of others nibble on sandwiches at lunch and then again for lunch. (Also US)

HennyPennyHorror · 02/03/2019 01:07

My DD does this too OP. She always eats more at 11 than she does at lunchtime. At lunch she'll just have a cracker and a piece of fruit...nobody's said a word and DD's been doing it for years...she's almost 11.

HennyPennyHorror · 02/03/2019 01:08

For ref. DD has a peanut butter sandwich, a muffin or cereal bar sometimes, two crackers with butter and either some grapes or strawberries.

incywincybitofa · 02/03/2019 01:20

My son is a child whose appetite grows through the day asking him to have breakfast is taken by him as a declaration of war. By dinner time he'll feast like a king.
My daughter feasts at breakfast and winds down her eating through the day. She has 3-4 courses for breakfast, a large school provided snack at a time that would be lunch here, then school lunch, a snack after school but getting her to eat more than a few forkfulls at dinner stretches my will to live.
Children just have different eating habits if that teacher hasn't spotted it yet she will.

singwhenyoureswimming · 02/03/2019 01:20

Gone are the days of 10p crisps at break time then?

Tangy Toms and Bikers used to get me through an intense game of girls chase the boys.

HennyPennyHorror · 02/03/2019 01:39

Sing do you remember Football Crazies?? They were gorgeous.

Original poster
StoppinBy · 02/03/2019 01:49

@gone4good, lol, my DD loves the stuff, I will eat it only of I have to.

Haha, I remember when I was a kid that anyone who got a dry pack of 2 minute noodles for lunch was considered to be lucky - everyone wanted them.

OP posts:
lilabet2 · 02/03/2019 01:49

I used to be sent to school with just a sandwich and small container of water in the 90s and had very doting, caring parents!

It sounds fine!

IncrediblySadToo · 02/03/2019 01:54

Whatever the back story is, don’t let this upset you. Just be ready next time and say ‘DD eats when she’s hungry, not when others deem it to be the correct time. She has plenty of food for the day as she brings some home each day’. Be firm.

It doesn’t matter how much anyone else’s child takes, yours is bringing food (she likes) home each day.

Don’t let the past give you doubts.

WendyCope · 02/03/2019 02:09

Sounds a great lunch to me Flowers

Have the same problem with my (skinny) DD, people think I don't feed her enough!

I really do! She eats A LOT!