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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teachers said my DD didn't have enough to eat

395 replies

StoppinBy · 01/03/2019 23:18

First off I think I am BU at how much I let this upset me for personal reasons but I am seeking clarification on whether I actually do send her enough.

When I picked up DD6 the teacher in charge at the time said to me that one of DD's teachers had said that I wasn't sending enough for her to eat, yesterday she had :

A vegemite sandwich, two cherry tomatoes, an apple, a chunk of cheese cut off the block and a big handful of nuts, she brought home a cherry tomato, some of her crust and some of her nuts .

The reasoning behind saying she didn't have enough food was that she had eaten her sandwich and a tomato and her cheese at 'snack time' - 11am and then had her nuts and apple at lunch - 1pm. Apparently she often does this.

We usually have lunch at 11:30 - 12 at home to fit around DS's naps so personally I can't see the issue with how she ate and I feel that if she was actually hungry that she would eat everything in her lunch box but she regularly brings stuff home.

AIBU to think that she does have enough food and that the teachers are actually wrong or do most kids eat more than that?

OP posts:
PenelopeFlintstone · 02/03/2019 07:59

A primary school near me switched break and lunch around, for this very reason. 1pm was too late for the little kids to have lunch, they decided. They said behaviour has improved.

CarolinePooter · 02/03/2019 08:05

I agree the teachers are probably being a bit overzealous in your case. They only see the food consumed at school and maybe don't appreciate the quantities of food she eats at home. However, if perhaps she is having a growth spurt or is really active the lunch may seem inadequate to them. After all, they will see what all the other children are eating over the day. I know protein is plentiful in her snack and lunch, but her food is very low on carbs. Children do need carbs as well as protein. I would put in an extra sandwich, as others have suggested, or some crackers/ breadsticks/pasta salad. You will soon see if she needs it.
In the grand scheme of things this is not a big deal!

ZanyMobster · 02/03/2019 08:08

My 13 and 10 yo DSs don't have more than that. Half a pitta bread, quite a few slices of meat plus a lot of fruit. I try and give them what I think they would have a home on a smallish plate. People seem to include a full on picnic in packed lunches for some reason. Surely it should just be enough for 1 plate of food?

Also it sounds like a great lunch, very filling with the right stuff

YouBumder · 02/03/2019 08:12

Zanymobstee I think that sounds in no way enough to fuel a whole day at school for boys those ages especially the tteenager. Half a pita bread?! Seriously? I know that lots of lunchboxes are full of shite but there’s got to be a happy medium between that and giving them half a pita bread!

EducatingArti · 02/03/2019 08:13

Cut the crusts off the sandwiches and then cut them into smaller pieces. Your dad may then only eat some at break and the rest at lunch.

Iggly · 02/03/2019 08:19

My dd brings home food because she doesn’t have time to eat it all. She’s 7. She’s starving when I pick her up.

Streamingbannersofdawn · 02/03/2019 08:25

I work with pre schoolers and you would not believe how much food most parents send in. Way more than I would get through. I think there can be an element of people having a distorted view of portion sizes.

My son is 12 and has about the size lunch you describe. I know he doesn't need more because if I put extra in it just comes home again. Plus he helps pack it so it's things he likes. My older son eats a huge lunch, we are all different.

Schools can be weird about food...our primary insisted my son bring in a piece of fruit with his lunch...he doesn't like fruit (carrot sticks don't cut it apparently). In the end we had a 'school Apple' that travelled backwards and forwards with him all week. This satisfied them even though he was eating no more Apple than when I wasn't sending it.

Ignore. If your DD is hungry she'll let you know!

GerryblewuptheER · 02/03/2019 08:29

I cant believe people suggesting she takes in more food. As of people can afford to send in food get warm and squished in a lunch box and inevitable thrown away when jts not eaten. It's a waste.

Kids eat far too much these days we are so used to seeing them devour 2
Rounds if sandwiches , chocolate and share bags of crisps that when a kid gets a sensible amount the first words are " where's the rest"

FamilyOfAliens · 02/03/2019 08:30

In the UK most infant children get free fruit / veg at breaktime, so there’s no need to go and get their lunchbox out at breaktime.

Not in Scotland they don't.

That’s why I said “most” Hmm

Kneehigim · 02/03/2019 08:32

Despite what she has brought in, all she's had to eat is a vegemite sandwich Hmm a cherry tomato and some cheese. DD at six would have been very hangry with that amount of food and would have been utterly ravenous. I really don't think you're sending enough carbs.

Why are you being so stubborn about this?

If she had eaten it all it might have been enough, but she didn't! So you need to add more food that she will actually eat!

neveradullmoment99 · 02/03/2019 08:33

Im surprised she is allowed to eat nuts! Even if a child in her ckass dosnt have allergies, what about the rest of the school? We have been told all it can take is for someone breathing after eating nuts.

Is it a small school? I have no idea who has what at lunchtime ( I am a teacher)
I think what your dd has is fine. I do give my own children a snack as well as their lunch. They get a sandwich, fruit yoyo, banana, biscuit and for break a packet of crisps.

Kneehigim · 02/03/2019 08:34

There's a simple solution to this and it ain't rocket science. Send an extra sandwich. And a vegimite sandwich sounds utterly insufficient for a growing active child's appetite. I'm also with a pp who said that while the tomatoes and apple would be great for vitamins, she is going to need energy foods. Something that doesn't take long to eat/chew but gets nourishment into them in a short space of time.
I don't understand you at all.

SlangBack · 02/03/2019 08:37

I couldn't think of anything more boring/time consuming than chomping through an apple at lunchtime.

LadyPenelope68 · 02/03/2019 08:37

It was themost schoolscomment. As if it is unusual for children to be able to access their bags at break.

It IS unusual, most lunch bags are stored out of the classroom. I've been teaching for 20 years and worked and taught supply in many, many schools - have never worked in a school where children have been able to access their lunch at break time, it's usually fruit/raw veg snack and milk/water. Think you're the one talking bollocks lazymare.

Walkaround · 02/03/2019 08:37

StoppinBy - No idea whether that's plenty for lunch or not - depends on the size of the sandwich, whether it had any butter in it, how big the cheese block was, how many nuts there were, how long the school day is, how appealing it looks and tastes by the time your dd is eating it (freshly made food on a proper plate is so much nicer than food that has been wrapped up, put in plastic containers, possibly squashed a bit or made a bit damp next to other food or an ice block or leaky drink) etc... also on how your dd behaves at school, whether she is slimmer than the other children, whether she ever comments on other children's food or asks to try it, etc.

Did you explain to the teacher your dd normally eats her lunch early at home and that you give her a snack when she gets home from school?

It might be the teacher was in a bit of a bad mood and feeling defensive after being made to look a bit silly over the hat, so brought up something else she wouldn't normally have mentioned, to make herself feel like she had more reason to be critical than she actually did. Or maybe your dd just gets a bit restless and disruptive at lunchtime when she finishes eating before everyone else and wants someone to play with, or slows everything down at snack time when she wants to eat a whole sandwich and everyone else has finished.

Karwomannghia · 02/03/2019 08:38

Just from personal experience, if I’m really hungry I’ll eat my sandwich at break time and will then feel a bit disappointed at lunch time when I’ve only got a bit of fruit.
Also, on trips when children do have access to all their food they eat a lot early on and would eat more later. Sometimes they complain of being hungry because they’ve eaten their ‘best’ stuff at 10 o’clock.
You could maybe show willing and add in something else that keeps well so she can eat it if she is hungry but isn’t a waste if she isn’t.

AJPTaylor · 02/03/2019 08:39

Sorry I think its just one of a million things a bust teacher does each day. They are your eyes and ears during the school day. No doubt they trust you as a parent to act on the feedback.

Slowknitter · 02/03/2019 08:48

Im surprised she is allowed to eat nuts!

My dd goes to a secondary school with about 1000 pupils. No nut ban. I often put nuts in her lunch. They would ban them if there were anyone with a serious allergy.

Neome · 02/03/2019 08:49

You've run through the nutrition side very thoroughly in your own mind, with DD and on here. Notwithstanding people's different appetites, preferences and experience it seems to me there's no problem with your DDs packed food or what she chooses to eat when. Your problem is maintaining a positive relationship with the teacher/school (in my tentative opinion) without having to do anything completely ridiculous.

Can you let the teacher feel their concerns have been noted (so they can forget about it)? If it's a battle you want to fight and win for some reason of course ignore my suggestion.

An extra wrapped bar with a very long shelf life could travel to and fro and take the heat/save face all round Wink. Can you bear to be ready to say to the teacher "Thank you so much for pointing this out, we've had a good think and a chat and I'll be keeping a close eye on things" should the occasion arise. Diplomatically true.

Hope it soon stops taking up headspace Cake

Lovemusic33 · 02/03/2019 08:50

I think it sounds like plenty for a 6 year old.

I was thinking about this the other day and what I used to have in my packed lunch, it’s probably a lot more than what I eat for lunch now. I usually grab a sandwich if working and maybe a apple or banana as a mid morning snack. My dd’s have a sandwich, yoghurt, piece of fruit and a packet of crisps which seems quite a lot.

You could always send a extra sandwich (half a sandwich) and maybe encourage her to eat that at break time and save the rest for lunch?

My dd1 is at high school and takes money for food, she still spends it at break time and ends up with no lunch, she says she’s hungry at 11am and would rather eat then instead of 1.30.

IAmNotAWitch · 02/03/2019 08:50

Neither of the schools my kids are at are nut free.

BarbarianMum · 02/03/2019 08:57

So when she opened her lunchbox at lunchtime it contained a handful of nuts, a cherry tomato and an apple. No wonder the teacher was concerned.

Iwanttobeanonymous · 02/03/2019 08:59

mathanxiety
You bring your own food to school in Ireland.

If my father in law is to be believed that would be a raw potato stolen from a field. Grin

Original poster
StoppinBy · 02/03/2019 09:03

@knee, I think you are investing far more concern than you need to -

if I wrote it like this

Today my daughter ate porridge for breakfast
an apple and cheese for snack

some cherry tomatoes and a vegemite sandwich for lunch on helgas pumpkin grain bread

a snack of 'I can't remember' after school and then helped me make a chicken, bacon and roasted vegetable (vegies she also helped pick out of our garden) risotto for tea

and homemade ice cream cake leftover from having guests the night before

would that make you feel better? At the end of the day there are lots of differing opinions on here and nothing makes yours anymore important than anyone else's.

Once again, thank you for your input, it is duly noted.

OP posts:
Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 02/03/2019 09:05

Not hugely relevant but I was horrified when PFB started secondary that they didn’t have lunch till 1:30, when most children would have had breakfast around 7/7:30.

I probably was being precious, but it seemed late for me.