To not let friend's DC use my car seat??

[bubblegumbottles]

Okay, I'm half expecting to get a good old MN lashing for this but here goes.

The incident has come and gone, I'm just genuinely curious to know if I'm completely bonkers or if anyone else would have felt the same.

Recently decided to go for a day trip with a friend of mine and her 1 year old DS. She doesn't drive so I agreed to drive and we agreed that she would bring the car seat she uses in her mum's car to put in mine for the day.
When I arrived at her house, she had forgotten to pick up the car seat from her mum's. When I asked what we were going to do, she said 'oh well I just assumed DS could use yours'.

I'm 32 weeks pregnant with my first DC and so have had a new car seat that my MIL bought us in the car to practise getting it in and out etc. I was a bit put out by this suggestion as it's my first child and quite a lot of money has been spent on this car seat, I really dislike the idea of my DC not being the first to use it. Friend's DS is like any other kid and makes a mess very easily so I didn't really fancy the idea of my unborn DC's things being used and soiled before she's even had a chance to use them!

Now my friend lives right by a big Argos so I offered to nip round there and pick up (and pay for) a new car seat for about £40 so not the fanciest but will do the job and she could then keep the car seat as a spare so she doesn't have to keep swapping the car seat out of her mum's every time someone else is driving.
Friend told me this was a 'fucking ridiculous idea' and that I was 'just being precious' about my baby's things. 'She's not even born yet, she doesn't care who uses her stuff'. And then went on to say I obviously wasn't bothered about her DS's safety to put him in a cheap car seat!

AIBU to be completely shocked by this or is my friend being a CF?!

I would tell her to learn to fucking drive and stop expecting everyone else to ferry her around and that way she will have her own decent car seat in her own car permanently ready to be used by her child.

I’m with you on this, you were good enough to drive and provide the transport so you did your bit, she failed to do her bit by providing the car seat, if she was that bothered about her child being in a cheap car seat she would of made sure she collected the one from her mums car.

I would of been mightily pissed off if her child had made a mess in my new car seat.

My son at birth did not fit into a newborn car seat. He was almost 11lb and very long (i.e.tall) so his head was already above the level of the seat. We had to trade it in for a car seat specially designed for big babies. He also went straight into 3 month old clothes.

I wouldn't want someone else's kid using my unborn child's car seat either. I wouldn't have offered to buy a new one though, that is madness. I'd have said no car seat, no lift. TBH I would've removed my new one from the car before arriving at my friends. Some people are cheeky fuckers and have no etiquette!

Totally PFB. But then people are. My dh refused anything in any way second hand for our PFB, even some amazing and perfect family heirlooms. He changed his tune by the time dc2 arrived!

But I think YABU for two reasons: not just wanting your dc to be the first to use any item, but, worse, for being willing to put your friend's dc in any old cheapo carseat - if one's as good as any other, why spend loads in your own dc's car seat?

I think I’d probably have been the same about it, I wouldn’t now but then the Seat isn’t brand new any more.

Oh and for all those questioning whether the child will fit I can assure you that most children will still fit an infant carrier at 12 months old. You can get ones which only go to 10kg and therefore a smaller height, but the majority are RF to 13kg and more than tall enough in the shell for even a tall child of a year old. My daughter was born at 9lb and very long (but skinny!!) and went straight into 3-6 clothes. She still fits in her carrier now and she is just over a year old, in 12-18 month clothes and was 83cm/ 22lb the last time she was measured (off the scale for height and 75th centile for weight). She still has around half an inch before she will fully outgrow the carrier (although she is already in her 25kg RF seat anyway).

I know it’s nuts but I’d not have wanted someone else using the seat first either. It’s one of those irrational things, like wanting a dress that no one else has worn before when you get married.

In my rational, non hormonal, many years post birth state, I'd say you're being precious and silly.

However I know I would have felt the same when I was jacked up on hormones and about to give birth..... pregnancy is a temporary state of madness.

I won't condemn you either way!

Nope wouldn’t have let her use it! Yanbu!

Your friend nailed it by calling you effing ridiculous.

I bought as much stuff second hand for DS1 as possible. Couldn't give a fig if another child had used it first.

If I had a suitable child car seat I wouldn't dream of asking a friend to haul a different car seat over.

I would be really pissed off to be treated like this by afriend and can see completely her point that your concern with your child being the 'first' (which is all about you, as your child won't give a stuff) is more important to you than her child's safety. You didn't buy a £40 quid car seat for you child, did you? Because it wasn't good enough for your child, was it?

I'd think and feel about you very differently after this, if I was your friend. I hope you never have to ask her to be flexible, or co-operative for your sake - because I doubt you will get an obliging response. To paraphrase - Treat others as you want them to treat you in the future.

As a non-driver, I wouldn't dream of asking further favours of someone who was kind enough to drive me somewhere. I'd go out of my way to be as accommodating as possible to my driving friend's wishes. YANBU.

I believe the marketing departments of baby equipment have done such a good job about promoting their products that nearly all first time parent parents are obsessed with having ‘new stuff’.

I happily had everything I needed for our baby as a ‘hand down’ we had our DS much later than our friends so we were inundated with second hand stuff. I don’t think we bought anything for our DS until he was a teenager . I trusted my friends if they told me the car seat had never been in an accident, why wouldn’t I ?

I understand not everyone has friends or family that can pass stuff on but I have clearly noticed a lot of reluctance for new parents to have second hand things. I work in a charity shop and we have beautiful clothes etc for babies and children (many items still with labels on) but I frequently hear from grandmothers ‘I daren’t buy that for my grandchild, they are only allowed brand new’. It is a sad reflection of the materialistic society we live in.

My own SIL is horrified at the thought of her children using second hand things. , fortunately she hands stuff on to me.

Just to add, I had loads of hand me downs, but to presume you are happy to use a brand new car seat on someone else's child is rude, children are filthy buggers, leaking nappies, travel sickness, food everywhere, dribble etc is not PFB to want to keep a new item as new as possible.
If I had a brand new bed, new mattress and new sheets I wouldn't really want someone else sleeping in it before me.

So what did you do then?

@Ragwort good for you, personally I don’t want 2nd hand stuff and I’m happy to pay more for new. Each to their own.

The 'friend' didn't forget to pick up a car seat from her mum's, she couldn't be bothered as she knew the OP had a lovely new one in her car already.

You're bonkers. It's a seat.

because that's where they go. confused I had set them up for lying baby down on. They have the twinkly lights above them etc.

Before the baby was even born? so everyone who walked in the room risked kicking their shoe muck all over them. But uh only objected when a baby did it?

If you don’t want things stood on maybe the floor isn’t the place to keep them.

But if you don't want stuff using or someone asking, then don't carry it around with you!

I trusted my friends if they told me the car seat had never been in an accident, why wouldn’t I

Not everyone has the same definition of an accident. Some people would replace after a slight bump, lots wouldn't. Some would replace after dropping/knocking it into a hard floor, lots wouldn't.

if one's as good as any other, why spend loads in your own dc's car seat?

I'd presume ease? Compatiblity with travel systems/lie flat or swivel functions etc.

You’re being a bit unreasonable and pfb. I would have used this as an opportunity to practice getting a baby in/out.

But then again most of my babies things are second hand or hand me downs anyway, so I think that possibly puts a different spin on the way you feel if you’ve gone out and bought brand new.

Are Argos car seats unsafe then - a couple of posters have said they wouldn;t put their child in a '£40 seat from Argos' or suggested child would be unsafe in a crash in an Argos seat. Has this been shown in tests - if so why are they still bein sold ? Or is it just snobbishness that people wouldn't use a seat from a normal shop shudder Argos ?

I think she was a bit of a CF just expecting to use yours. What if you’d taken yours out and it was up in the loft or something?! On the other hand it really doesn’t matter about who gets to sit in the car seat first. I didn’t buy a new car seat for my second baby, I don’t think he minded

My husband let his (1 year old) niece use our new car seat when I was pregnant, it didn’t even cross my mind to be upset about it? And my now 15 month old still fits in it as she’s small!