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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let friend's DC use my car seat??

351 replies

bubblegumbottles · 28/02/2019 21:42

Okay, I'm half expecting to get a good old MN lashing for this but here goes.

The incident has come and gone, I'm just genuinely curious to know if I'm completely bonkers or if anyone else would have felt the same.

Recently decided to go for a day trip with a friend of mine and her 1 year old DS. She doesn't drive so I agreed to drive and we agreed that she would bring the car seat she uses in her mum's car to put in mine for the day.
When I arrived at her house, she had forgotten to pick up the car seat from her mum's. When I asked what we were going to do, she said 'oh well I just assumed DS could use yours'.

I'm 32 weeks pregnant with my first DC and so have had a new car seat that my MIL bought us in the car to practise getting it in and out etc. I was a bit put out by this suggestion as it's my first child and quite a lot of money has been spent on this car seat, I really dislike the idea of my DC not being the first to use it. Friend's DS is like any other kid and makes a mess very easily so I didn't really fancy the idea of my unborn DC's things being used and soiled before she's even had a chance to use them!

Now my friend lives right by a big Argos so I offered to nip round there and pick up (and pay for) a new car seat for about £40 so not the fanciest but will do the job and she could then keep the car seat as a spare so she doesn't have to keep swapping the car seat out of her mum's every time someone else is driving.
Friend told me this was a 'fucking ridiculous idea' and that I was 'just being precious' about my baby's things. 'She's not even born yet, she doesn't care who uses her stuff'. And then went on to say I obviously wasn't bothered about her DS's safety to put him in a cheap car seat!

AIBU to be completely shocked by this or is my friend being a CF?!

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 01/03/2019 04:50

Well I'm with you, OP.
I wasn't very precious about having all new stuff for my babies when they were born, BUT anything new that I had bought, I wouldn't have let someone else's baby use first either.

Yes it might not have got that dirty if your friend's DS used it but equally it might have - he could have thrown up, had a poonami event, leaked through his nappy, anything. And I wouldn't have wanted to take that chance.

Also your friend was a bit too "oh I'll just use yours, it doesn't matter", which would have got my back up in the first place. She shouldn't have assumed she could do that, since you didn't offer it as an option!

HollyBollyBooBoo · 01/03/2019 04:51

I'm with you Op, of course you'd want your baby to be the first to use it! The other Mum needs to take accountability and remember to get her car seat if she's so bothered about her child being safe.

P.S welcome to parenthood, completely divides opinion on how to do it!

SilverBirchTree · 01/03/2019 05:31

I'd be the same Op. not just the mess, but presumably it's been installed to suit a NB with inserts etc. Reconfiguring it to suit a toddler might mess it up.

It's ok to be PFB about some things. Your friend is responsible for ensuring her DC has a car seat and you made a plan that included her doing so.

randomsabreuse · 01/03/2019 05:32

I'd be a bit anti using my new car seat because I have kids with reflux/ dairy intolerance and my pfb exploded her nappy all over her brand new seat on the journey home from buying it (had to upgrade to 0+ with 5 point harness at 5 months thanks to scrawny Houdini child). My experience is kids always decorate nice new things!

I have washed all my car seat covers and spent 2.5 hours weeping and swearing trying to get the cover off my newest seat after baby DS had explosive diarrhoea all over it before realising that what I thought was a solid plastic bar was not... Google didn't solve the problem because too obvious ... overtired mum!

flumpybear · 01/03/2019 05:43

Whilst I can see your point @bubblegumbottles as I think I would have been a bit miffed too 11 years ago when expecting my first child, I've since learnt that having your friends around you and being less Precious and more giving /forgiving and just having a 'we're in it together' type of attitude is far more important after you've had your first child. You'll see what others here mean once you've had your whole life turned upside down ... particularly if you're unlucky and suffer a bit of PND you need your mates to have that motherly, I'll help you type of attitude, not a solipsistic attitude that many of us share, myself included,

Good luck with your pregnancy and your baby coming, enjoy the clean new stuff

Nothinglefttochoose · 01/03/2019 05:47

You are being completely precious and very unreasonable!!

Sparklingbrook · 01/03/2019 06:02

Having the car seat in the car at 32 weeks seems strange to me.
You don't need to continually practice and it could still get dirty unless it's still in the wrapping.
You could also build the pram and wheel that around the shops!

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/03/2019 06:05

I would have felt the same as you. However I would have let her use it. Why did you give her the seat? You could have kept it for your parents or something.

OneStepSideways · 01/03/2019 06:06

I don't think you're being U, I wouldn't have wanted somebody's 1 year old using the brand new seat I'd got ready for my newborn! He could have been sick on it, had a nappy leakage or got sticky fingers all over it! Of course your baby will do all those things but it's different when it's your own.

It also makes sense to keep a car seat for a newborn as clean as possible, as they have underdeveloped immune systems. You get a new mattress, clean sheets, scrub the pram etc so why not keep the car seat clean too?!

londonrach · 01/03/2019 06:09

Mn response will be yabu but this is your first baby, you excited, everyone is new. Youve kindly offered your fried a lift. Shes a cf. what happened. Id have said no too and not gone. Yanbu and totally understand where you coming from. For your second you wouldnt mind but with the first you totally will. Yanbu

Gina2012 · 01/03/2019 06:20

Depends on the 'friend'

I'm pretty certain my friends (the real ones) would know how I'd feel and go back for their car seat or not forget the damn thing in the first place - because they'd know me well enough to know how I'd feel

And they'd care about how I'd feel

sparklefarts · 01/03/2019 06:37

I think this is absolute batshit bonkers and mean to your pal. And I'm usually quite PFB so am surprised by the responses!

RainbowWaffles · 01/03/2019 06:40

I do not understand the issue people have with someone getting a car seat early! So what if the OP had bought it at 20 weeks, who cares? Do we have to buy everything in the last 10 days just to prove how chilled out we are about it all? Is 36 weeks ok to buy it, 34 a bit soon and 32 RIDICULOUS?! I just don’t get that at all.

You don’t get it. It isn’t having the car seat, it’s the actively taking it around in the car and practicing with it that people find ridiculous. They aren’t that complicated.

HappyGoGoLucky · 01/03/2019 06:41

I would've just let them used it!

Thehop · 01/03/2019 06:41

YANBU i wouldn’t let Others use my children’s things. I keep them really nice and other people are really....well....not good at respecting things

BoneyBackJefferson · 01/03/2019 06:41

Being a cynic, IMO she has deliberately forgotten the car seat as she knew that you had one.

Feb2018mumma · 01/03/2019 06:46

My little man always uses his neices carseat but I never thought about it from your point of view Blush I think I would have been a bit annoyed if someone wanted to use my new seat but wouldnt have expected them to buy a new one or said anything. Good for you I guess for saying how you feel rather than being a push over but I think once baby is here you will realise it doesn't matter, maybe looking back you should have said yes but no food or drink in it?

MaybeitsMaybelline · 01/03/2019 06:55

I wouldn’t have let her either. When I think how many times mine stickied them up and dribbled and vomited in them.

I think she didn’t forget she just couldn’t be arsed to bring hers. I wouldn’t have put my child in a £40 seat either though so that is your only BU.

SquadronBlue · 01/03/2019 06:58

Having a car seat at 32 weeks isn't ridiculous. I had my daughter at 33 weeks unexpectedly.
By 32 weeks you are in the final countdown .

Bobfossil2 · 01/03/2019 07:12

I have recently had my Pfb and I think you are crackers. Your need to have everything nice for your baby doesn’t trump another baby’s safety. I would have been disappointed and confused if I were your friend.

Clutterbugsmum · 01/03/2019 07:12

Totally missing the point, but all you that are arguing whether or not a 1 year old will fit in a stage 1 car seat you do realise that 1 year old can vary in size, so there is no point stating that 'of COURSE a 1 year' will fit or not.

Back to OP, I don't think YABU. It's up to you who uses your baby equipment.

ReaganSomerset · 01/03/2019 07:13

A ONE YEAR OLD WILL FIT IN A NEWBORN CARSEAT. They have pads and head huggers to make them suitable for tiny babies. They then continue to work up till around 18 months, depending on size of child. Many parents seem to think their child has outgrown the seat as part of the mad rush to get them into a forward facing seat.

@needthisthread
@Muddysnowdrop

Not all babies. DD had outgrown it at 7 months- with all the padding out, her head was less than an inch from the top, which meant she needed a bigger one, according to the manual. She's still rear facing and will be until at least four, but is in a larger car seat.

Sparklingbrook · 01/03/2019 07:15

I would think a lot of people wxpecting their PFB would have car seats at 32 weeks. Not actually in the car though. Grin

JustDanceAddict · 01/03/2019 07:17

S year old wouldn’t have fitted in my newborn seat 17 years ago so would’ve been a moot point. I understand seats are different now.
Would’ve let him sit but prob given it a wipe over. I’d be more worried about having a prang and having to replace it before it’s evdn used by my baby.,

Iggly · 01/03/2019 07:18

My dd was in her newborn car seat until 2.

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