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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to tell husband that if he wants to have his mum to stay every weekend he should be there?

114 replies

icanonlyeverdomybest · 28/02/2019 20:16

My husband invites his mum to come and stay most weekends, but then leaves me to entertain her and goes out himself. AIBU to tell him to either stop inviting her to stay or to only invite her if he is going to be present to entertain her?

OP posts:
TheClaifeCrier · 28/02/2019 20:55

Arrange to go out yourself OP.

Forgotmycoat · 28/02/2019 21:00

I really really need to stop reading threads like this. It's bad for my blood pressure.

Op are you from a background where this sort of thing would be considered the norm? Of course he should stay and entertain his mum. When do you and he spend any time together? Is he opting out of family life and spending time with you by inviting his mum over so you stay home with her and he can go out?

Fluffyears · 28/02/2019 21:03

Have you made it clear it’s not on?

missmouse101 · 28/02/2019 21:03

OP, where have you gone? Is this really what goes on?

AdoraBell · 28/02/2019 21:06

Go out yourself.

FullOfJellyBeans · 28/02/2019 21:10

Bloody hell this would drive me mad - what if you have plans is he just going to leave his mum in the house alone?

Iloveacurry · 28/02/2019 21:10

Go out yourself!

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 28/02/2019 21:23

Boundary-stamping MiLs seem to be something of a theme tonight.

Of course YANBU. YABU for putting up with this unbelievable CF'ery in the first place. Also, why on earth should you go out? It's your home.

It's your D['oh!]H who is the problem here. He needs a Come to Jesus talk as a matter of extreme urgency.

ASurfeitOfDuncans · 28/02/2019 21:33

I'd fucking leave every weekend. In fact, I'd have left the first weekend he did it and buggered off.

IDoN0tCare · 28/02/2019 21:35

Bollocks. Reported.

StrongTea · 28/02/2019 21:36

That would have driven me nuts. Go out, make a hair appt or something, let him get on with it. Don’t have to have a big row and hurt anyone’s feelings but don’t be available, make some plans.

missmouse101 · 28/02/2019 21:38

Agree, this is a wind up. Timewaster.

BlimeyCalmDown · 28/02/2019 21:41

@IDoN0tCare
A lot of new posters on here tonight, with weird family dynamics.

I was thinking exactly the same, think there might a troll fest going on!

OnlyaMan · 28/02/2019 22:02

It may be that the OP's husband believes that the OP and his mum have such a close and "family-type" relationship, that they would both enjoy the visits.
It would not be the only example of a husband being a bit "thick". We husbands are a bit like that.
The OP should just tell him!
No reasonable husband would resent being told the truth. Nor any reasonable mum!
Surely not a difficult issue?

AnyFucker · 28/02/2019 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MissEliza · 28/02/2019 22:52

Anyfucker Sadly true

SpanielEars070 · 28/02/2019 22:56

I thought the kids had gone back to school....................

Original poster
icanonlyeverdomybest · 28/02/2019 22:57

Sorry for my super slow reply my phone died and baby woke up. My husband plays sports most weekends. He has concerns about his mother being lonely and feels that it’s only fair for her to come to us as she lives spending time with one of her grand children. Of her children, we live the closest. If I was to go out she would still happily come up and would entertain herself with housework, she doesn’t seem phased by him going out, yet if I have plans then it comes across that I’m being unreasonable from both of them. (She is very much a ‘women exist to serve men’ type, dinner should always be on the table when he gets home, his hobbies before mine, don’t request he assists with looking after baby type. I feel that it’s just expected to be my duty to entertain her, after all he’s male so should do what he wants, when he wants. I just find it hard because if I say something to him (or her) I am made out to be the unreasonable one. So I just wanted to find out from others if this is or isn’t normal before I lose either my temper or my sanity!

OP posts:
puppymouse · 28/02/2019 22:59

LTB

My DH muttered about inviting FiL to stay/live with us a while back. He wasn't being anything other than kind and supportive but I said I'd have to move out. Awful I know but I can't bear having people in my space.

AnyFucker · 28/02/2019 23:02

So you are also a "women exist to serve men" supporter too, yes ?

Hayden555 · 28/02/2019 23:02

So your husband doesn't spend any time with you?
And expects you to spend time with his mum?!
Is he really playing sports?
Sounds as though he wants to keep you busy?

DorothyZbornak · 28/02/2019 23:03

EVERY WEEKEND? Fucking hell! I would quite honestly be divorced if that was happening. It's bad enough as it is because MIL lives 5 minutes up the road and expects DH to visit every day, and like a fool he does, but if she was coming here every weekend it'd be goodnight Vienna!

Hayden555 · 28/02/2019 23:04

Invite your own mum and sisters around ... See how they like that .
It sounds as though he married you to take care of the house, him and his mum.

Original poster
icanonlyeverdomybest · 28/02/2019 23:05

@anyfucker no, hence the issue. I am deemed to be unreasonable by her because I expect him to help with baby, sometimes he cooks oh and I feel entitled to my own life, and I’m deemed as unreasonable by him as I don’t want to drop my plans at all times to suit him/ his mother.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 28/02/2019 23:08

You are putting up with it it so far though, yes ?

Why are you so worried about what other people think ? You have a mind of your own. If you don't want the piss taken out of you, then don't allow it ever.

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