"My mum and DH shouldn't have had to play security guard."
That is a very strange take on it. Your mum and DH are supposed to be your biggest advocates. They folded when you needed them the most. Your mother just stared at the floor, for goodness sake. No your MIL should not have gone in the recovery room, but a husband or mother should at least attempt to persuade the unwanted visitor out of the room. My god, they didn't even try!!! If that were me in that hospital room, my mother would go right in my room and grab the MIL by the ear and DRAG her out, or frog-march her out. My mum would not do eff all but stare at the floor!!! She march in there so fast, the MIL's head would spin! Same with my husband.
You know what this is? And advocate. A mother protecting her child. A spouse caring about his wife and mother of his children. THAT is how it is done. When push came to shove, you mother did eff all, and your DH did eff all. They FAILED you. And your analogy reads like an apologist for their inactions. Let's re-word it. Some man gropes you or tries to abduct you. Your DH watches, like a stunned mullet and does eff all because he's useless in a traumatic situation (as you've proven). In your mind, you say don't get angry at the guard (your DH) get angry at the person who is assaulting you/abducting you, as they were the one committing the crime.
So, you wouldn't be angry at DH for being absolutely useless and doing nothing to stop the attack or prevent you from being dragged off? Yeah right. I don't think so.
Your nearest and dearest are supposed to have your back when you cannot advocate for yourself. I am sure you would advocate and be there for your husband if he were in your situation, right? So why is it so hard for him, and your own mother, for goodess sake, to do the same thing? I've completely changed my take on this. You don't want to tell your mother or your DH how upset you are they abandoned you in their hour of need, so you hit out at the person furtherest from you. Your own mother failed you and couldn't be less interested in you if you were the floor. Your own DH was in his own self-indulgent dazed state. They both stood by, and did NOTHING. Hell would freeze over before either my protective mother and my protective DH acted like that. But then they both know that it would not be time for them to slip into a self-indulgent daze, they would snap out of it! For me. They would know I was vulnerable and needed them, and it was no time for them to be feeling sorry for themselves or dazed, or cracking up, unable to handle the pressure. I guess I am just lucky.