To be angry that someone came to my birth when I didn't want them to?

[Seline]

Had an emergency cesarean under very traumatic circumstances during which I nearly died and so did my twins. The whole night was horrendous. When I woke up from my cesarean, my mother in law was there. I felt hurt and confused and didn't know what was going on.

She didn't stay long but she also had my brother and sister in law (adults not children or teens) in the waiting room. As soon as DH had text her to say "She's been rushed to theatre" she just decided to turn up with them.

Four months later I'm still angry about this. Am I being unfair?

Whilst you have my deepest sympathies for your awful birth, you sound - in this and your other posts- like an extremely rude and difficult person . You aren't doing yourself any favours and I feel really sorry for your husband. Just admit it OP, you want your DH to cut ties with his family completely...

I actually feel sorry for the MIL.

jumpyfroglet

YANBU op and I'm shocked that some posters have even mentioned your DH needing support. In the nicest way possible it's not about him. Fucking sick of reading this shit about it not only being about the mother during childbirth. It's all about the mother and baby- absolutely ludicrous to suggest otherwise.

Outrageous. They're his children too, or did the OP conceive them on her own??

I'm probably a difficult person in general. I'm not very sociable and don't really enjoy conversation unless with a select few. I don't think that gives people the right to violate my birth though.

I don't want him to cut ties with them.

Do people who go to the trouble of telling the OP she is rude, difficult and unlikeable lack any sense of irony?

You are obsessed about someone showing they cared, you come across as incredibly selfish, controlling and bitter and finding fault. If you were my friend/daughter based on your threads/comments I'd be concerned for your kids welfare and your decision making abilities. Concentrate on being a mum and not pointless things in the past.

Plus I find it funny it's only "nice" victims we care about. The quiet, meek, mild woman we feel sorry for. The bitch, the woman with opinions, the woman who says no, well she deserves it. Isn't that right?

Really? Your husband wouldnt be devasted at the birth of your child at 26 weeks? The one that you needed him to father.

Or watching you go through a life or death experience.

More utter bullshit.

Jayney you're an idiot. You can disagree with my views but to insinuate I'm somehow doing something wrong with my kids based on such is a stupid and hurtful thing to say.

OP, YADNBU!!!! She clearly overstepped the boundaries.

All the people who are saying otherwise are boundary stompers themselves.

And it’s sad how people always assume a new mother has PND when she’s upset or angry about something. It couldn’t be that she is genuinely feeling those emotions due to someone’s crappy behaviour, right?!

Oh yes the well you survived so you have no right to be annoyed about it argument.

It's possible to still be upset about a scenario despite surviving. Stop with logical fallacies please.

,Uggy that's what irritates me. Its always PND. It's never just that someone else behaved like an arse. Nope.

Sympathy where it's due, you can have opinions without being a bitch. Alienate your Mil because she showed concern and wanted to support her family? Your 'opinion' is self centred, it was an emergency, you were unconscious therefore couldn't control your DH, grow up and be glad you have a family who care enough to rush to your side.

It's not support if the person doesn't like it. I made it clear I didn't want anyone else there.

pallisers

So you think she is pleasant, easy and likeable? Right, OK then.

She's asking a question and not liking the answers. Many, many people go through trauma in life. I personally don't believe that having a MIL in a hospital room warrants this kind of reaction, and people telling her this are getting shot down, rendering the thread pointless really, it's AIBU after all.

I'm actually a very understanding person, having gone through my own birth trauma and mental health issues. But if someone doesn't want to help themselves, what can you do?

By all means OP, let this issue regarding your mother in law eat you up and make you bitter. Your children and your husband will thank you for it, I'm sure.

Violate my birth.*
*
Oh dear.

There's plenty of traumas that wouldn't personally upset me. Does that make them unreasonable?

And yes, people are more than happy to attack a woman who stands up for herself or has a temper!! If you had written more of a “poor little helpless me” sort of post, you’d be getting a different reaction. People are pathetic.

And saying that your DP needed his mother’s support...did MIL need to be in your face after the danger had passed to support him?? Errr, no.

Idiots

Tell you what ILoveBray I think someone telling a mother posting about a recent traumatic event that she is combative rude and unlikeable is about the definition of ... a combative, rude and unlikeable person. Funny that you can't see that.

And yes, people are more than happy to attack a woman who stands up for herself or has a temper!! If you had written more of a “poor little helpless me” sort of post, you’d be getting a different reaction. People are pathetic.

Exactly. People hate women who are fiery or who don't take any nonsense. I've always been fairly no nonsense but since we nearly died, even more so. I don't care if people don't like me. I almost died, why does Brenda from the shops opinion matter?

Jayney yes I'm sure my husband feels really hard done by. Terrible. He has a loving wife, three kids, a nice lifestyle. The horror.

OP, do you think that you are angry at her because you are so angry?

And that if you stopped being so angry (about stuff) you would also be less angry about this?

You and your babies nearly died. You are on a loop of misdirected anger. Your pain and fear and memory around the birth keeps stopping/jarring/focussing in your MiL because the emotions around your children dying are too strong.

You have no insight into this and I think you need proper talking therapy to help you come to terms with it.