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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU and a Princess?

142 replies

PooleySpooley · 27/02/2019 21:50

I have the week off for my birthday.

My parents are coming that weekend and we are going out for dinner on the Saturday night. My birthday is on the Friday.

My husband arrives on the Friday and with him will be his two teenage daughters the Saturday night we are going out for dinner with my parents and 5 of our children.

I have been a bit in two minds what to do on my birthday as I am off work but obviously most of my friends and my husband are working. My best friend lives in another town and it’s her birthday a few days before mine and I will go and visit her.

My mum and dad now want to arrive a day early on my bday (meaning I will have 6 people to cook for) as they are meeting friends who live near here for lunch.

I have jokingly said that yes they can come if I am invited for lunch. Which they said is fine but - since they retired have become a bit obsessed with Wetherspoons (obvious reasons) whereas in the past have had more “refined” tastes. I have no problem with drinking in Wetherspoons but the two round here are really busy, so not very clean and I really really hate the food.

My dad is insisting we go there - argh what do I do just go along and suck it up.

What pisses me off a bit is it’s partly convenience for them they are coming on my birthday and my dad would not go and eat somewhere he didn’t want to.

AIBU?

OP posts:

WhiteDust · 28/02/2019 08:33

My God. This all sounds like my kind of hell.

MadAboutWands · 28/02/2019 08:34

Err... why is it that you can’t go out because your stepchildren are here??
And why are you the one cooking on your birthday, not your DH for example??

Your description of your day off for your birthday is one of a day where you do everything for everyone (as usual?) but no one does anything for you.
I can see why you are annoyed. There is a clear lack of thank and being grateful for what you do there. Like if whatever you do is invisible and unimportant (until you stop doing it that is).

MadAboutWands · 28/02/2019 08:40

Other I think the issue is that her parents are there but she is the one who ends up cooking/cleaning so basically nice but more for her.

Her DH is coming back but with stepchildren in tow so she, somehow, also ends up with not being able t what she wants/going out etc.... AND has to still cook and clean for them.
Not one word about her DH stepping up and helping at least to do some of the cooking on that day.

So er birthday is basically a normal day with more work because there are more people there rathervthan a day/half day where she can enjoy herself, just for herself.

HiHoToffee · 28/02/2019 08:43

This is the bloke who wanted you to order his and his kids take away when you were ill and got in a mood when you didn't?
The very least he can do is pick something up on his way home and sort out your birhday meal.

Whocansay · 28/02/2019 08:44

OP, you are making this all unnecessarily complicated. Stop being such a martyr.

You don't want to provide frozen pizzas? Neither would I. Prep a chilli / stew / roast / lasagne / etc the day before for dinner. Spend the day doing stuff you want to do.

Tell your parents to arrive later so you can have a lie in.

Leave your parents to their Weatherspoons lunch and go for a nice lunch with your friend who is an 'ally'.

Arrive home for dinner and pop on food you prepped the day before.

I hope you enjoy your day and stop stressing about it.

chocatoo · 28/02/2019 08:44

It's just a birthday - stop getting so het up about it. Go see your friend and have a posh lunch with her to celebrate earlier in the week. Enjoy the lunch with your parents and their friends for what it is - I am sure you can find something bearable on the menu. Cook something easy in the evening, e.g. a big chilli or whatever in the slow cooker (and give others tasks in the kitchen, setting the table, clearing away, etc.) then have a lovely meal out with your family as planned to celebrate your birthday on the Saturday.
Don't sulk about it or you will spoil what has the potential to be a lovely few days.

MarthasGinYard · 28/02/2019 08:56

'If I did frozen pizzas or ready meals my dad would be outraged! 😂😂'

I doubt that with his penchant for 'Spoons'

Op do you ever have a week without some drama or other to do with cooking or complaining about your DP kids?

Must be draining

Mugglemom · 28/02/2019 09:48

I don't think you're being unreasonable about wanting a birthday to be about you. It's once a year.

But if you don't want to go to Spoon's, don't tag along! Do something else. :-)

PregnantSea · 28/02/2019 12:04

As other have suggested, just make other plans. Don't crash your parent's lunch and don't be around for dinner. Just meet up with friends or take yourself somewhere - cinema, wine bar, spa, cafe, whatever. Just do your own thing and everyone else can sort themselves out. Then you can all have a lovely time together Saturday evening.

LittlePaintBox · 28/02/2019 13:13

I'm with the 'Have a special treat day on your actual birthday, not Wetherspoon's with your mum and dad and their mates' faction!

I have a friend who won't meet anywhere but 'Spons, they do have their enthusiasts. i can't even read their menu without getting severely confused.

Tennesseewhiskey · 28/02/2019 13:35

OP why do you want your parents to celebrate your birthday twice with you?

Aren't you picking the restaurant on the Saturday?

hellsbellsmelons · 28/02/2019 13:44

@Weetabixandshreddies - You need to have a 'half birthday'
Celebrate on 25th June.
I used to do that for my DD and her birthday isn't even Christmas day!

OP - Put a stew in the slow cooker. Get some nice bread and dinner is prepped and in the slow cooker in about 15 minutes.
Then get out there and enjoy your day, doing what ever YOU want!

bridgetreilly · 28/02/2019 14:09

I have the week off for my birthday.

Yup, princess.

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 28/02/2019 16:15

bridgetreilly no, Op has the week off because she needs to use up leave before her work situation changes.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 28/02/2019 16:54

It isn't difficult to do a quick meal for everyone. Chucking something in the oven is probably easier than a buffet anyway. Maybe your DS (who appears to be the only family member you don't moan about) could help. I seem to recall on another thread you said he was 16 so he should be more than able to step up and help out.

BackforGood · 28/02/2019 22:31

I haven’t taken a week off for my bloody birthday!!

... but you can understand most people's confusion, as you started your thread with I have the week off for my birthday.

OP. I like celebrating my birthday. Just like you, to make sure the people I want can be there, I'm happy to do that on a day that isn't the actual day, because it is the 'spending time doing something you like' that is important, not the specific day. You can't then really take offense at anyone else thinking 'Oh, we're celebrating Pooley's birthday on Saturday, so while we are in the area, we'll meet Bill and Mary for lunch the day before.' You just can't.

However, if they are having lunch out, then they aren't going to need a 'big dinner' in the evening. Just do whatever you find easy - put out some cheese, ham, nice bread and some salad bits (or a bought ready salad)...... or say it's quiches and salad or something (bought ready made).

But, to go back to your original question - yes, of course YABU. YABU to gatecrash their lunch with friends. YABeven moreU to then invite your pal to gatecrash too, and YAB even moreU to then try to change the place they want to eat.

Original poster

PooleySpooley · 28/02/2019 22:42

My parents are “the more the merrier” type of people and know most of my friends here - they aren’t at all bothered about any crashing.

I am going to spend the day with my daughter.

DS is 16 yes but he’s autistic so a meal for 6 would overwhelm him.

OP posts:

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