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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU and a Princess?

142 replies

PooleySpooley · 27/02/2019 21:50

I have the week off for my birthday.

My parents are coming that weekend and we are going out for dinner on the Saturday night. My birthday is on the Friday.

My husband arrives on the Friday and with him will be his two teenage daughters the Saturday night we are going out for dinner with my parents and 5 of our children.

I have been a bit in two minds what to do on my birthday as I am off work but obviously most of my friends and my husband are working. My best friend lives in another town and it’s her birthday a few days before mine and I will go and visit her.

My mum and dad now want to arrive a day early on my bday (meaning I will have 6 people to cook for) as they are meeting friends who live near here for lunch.

I have jokingly said that yes they can come if I am invited for lunch. Which they said is fine but - since they retired have become a bit obsessed with Wetherspoons (obvious reasons) whereas in the past have had more “refined” tastes. I have no problem with drinking in Wetherspoons but the two round here are really busy, so not very clean and I really really hate the food.

My dad is insisting we go there - argh what do I do just go along and suck it up.

What pisses me off a bit is it’s partly convenience for them they are coming on my birthday and my dad would not go and eat somewhere he didn’t want to.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
PooleySpooley · 27/02/2019 23:39

TakenForSlanted

That’s your life, not mine.

I have brought 3 kids up alone, work full time and now have step kids.

I always take my birthday off. I always make my birthday a big deal.

I do a lot of things for other people. One fay a year is about me.

That’s not being a child, that’s being an adult who respects herself.

OP posts:
Pinkbells · 27/02/2019 23:41

And don't cook a thing on your birthday. Unashamedly order a nice meal from Cook or somewhere. And lots of wine Smile

Fraula · 27/02/2019 23:43

I completely get why you're disappointed and frustrated with this. What's your ideal? Could you afford a spa day or go for a massage? Can you meet a friend during their lunch break?

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 27/02/2019 23:43

@timeisnotaline

Last year he gave me a Kitchen Aid (which he knew I wanted). The year before he took me away. He makes a effort for my birthday. Although obviously if he’s away he can’t.

OP posts:
NCforthis2019 · 27/02/2019 23:45

AIBU and a Princess?

Majority : Yes

OP: No im not, and this is why.....

You asked and we responded.

Birdsgottafly · 27/02/2019 23:45

BackforGood, the plans during the day could be excused, but not expecting dinner provided on their child's Birthday. I would think most Mum's have a bit of a reminisce on the day they gave Birth. Most Parents wouldn't like the idea of their DD cooking for them, on her Birthday.

TakenForSlanted, I don't know any adults that don't celebrate their Birthday. I have at least two, on with my kids (now Grandchildren) and one for me, sometimes I have three.

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 27/02/2019 23:48

My mum and dad always made a massive deal of birthdays.

OP posts:
LimeKiwi · 27/02/2019 23:57

My mum and dad always made a massive deal of birthdays

But.... you're the one who made the birthday meal get together thing for the day after, not them - so they're still making a deal of your birthday celebrations, and coming to it, surely?
You decided not to celebrate on your birthday by the sounds of your post.
So why take the huff that they decide to meet up with some friends?
They've even said course you can come along.
But you don't want to go where they're going and want them to change it.
Sorry, but you sound like hard work!
Oh, and don't cook a meal for everyone else on your birthday, talk about martyring yourself!
Sod that, get some posh ready meal thingy bits and bobs from M and S and whack them in the oven! Grin

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe · 27/02/2019 23:59

I think this thread is harsh, OP, but as other's have said there's this accepted thing on here that if you want to make a fuss about your birthday then you're just a spoilt child.
Interestingly (to me) also on MN, it's completely allowed and acceptable to want a big fuss made of Mother's Day (which to be is an entirely constructed load of commercial bollocks) and as we get closer and closer to it, there'll be a whole heap of threads moaning about other people crashing it or not enough fuss being made and the majority of the responses will be in sympathy with this.
I avoid those threads because I don't agree with their opinion, but I understand and respect their right to feel about it the way do.

I agree with the 'it's not a race to the bottom' comment above.

SOME people for don't like celebrating birthdays and there are many reasons for this.
Others do. They should be allowed to enjoy this.

But in your case from reading all your posts, it's not just about the lunch is it? There's a whole load of things around your birthday which you've agreed to for various reasons and regret or are upset about.

It seems to me that what you need to work on is your ability to say yes or no to things, or (at least) to state why you'll agree but be unhappy about it. I think if you were clearer, you might get closer to what it is you want, with small compromises all round and not just you giving in/seething/feeling hurt and upset.

Whatever, I hope you enjoy your birthday Cake and Flowers

LimeKiwi · 28/02/2019 00:01

I think this thread is harsh, OP, but as other's have said there's this accepted thing on here that if you want to make a fuss about your birthday then you're just a spoilt child

I love adult birthdays, I had a week long one last year too, I still think OP is BU though lol
Nothing spoilt about wanting to celebrate your birthday

SleightOfMind · 28/02/2019 00:20

I’m usually a bit Hmm about adults who make a big deal about birthdays but I don’t think you’re BU pooley.
It sounds like all the people you love are coming to see you but expecting you to feed/water/house them and do loads of wifework on your birthday.

How old is the DC you have at home? If old enough to be left for a bit, can you go for a drink with friends that evening and leave an easy oven supper for your DH/DPs to sort out themselves?
If DC are still little, can you invite friends round or go to theirs?
Please don’t cook for all your family. You’re setting yourself up for misery and resentment.

theonetowalkinthesun · 28/02/2019 02:12

Actually, I think I may be in the minority with you OP. I think I just have a particular belief on what birthdays should be.
I genuinely can't imagine of going to someone's house on their birthday and going out for lunch that isn't to celebrate them. For me, a person whose birthday it is doesn't do any of the cooking that day, they don't wash up on their birthday. They pick the restaurant, or what kind of takeaway we order. That's how I treat someone on their birthday- it's one day a year where they do get to relax- that's the whole point!

The Saturday is the going out for a meal day because that's what's convenient for everyone. It's a get together. But it's the actual day that is the day you should get that 'treated nicely' treatment.
Being treated extra nicely with a focus on you on the actual day isn't that bizarre is it?

CantStopMeNow · 28/02/2019 03:10

This reply has been deleted

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BringMeAGinandTonic · 28/02/2019 03:51

If I don’t go for lunch I will spend the day here probably getting dinner ready as we can’t afford a takeaway as going out on the sat.

Watch a movie on TV, go to a movie, buy candy, veg on the couch. Do something for you for that bit of time. Don't feel obligated to do work. What would you do if you had a free hour or two? Take a relaxing bath? Go to a yoga class? Do whatever that is and enjoy.

Happy early birthday btw. Flowers

PrestonsFlowers · 28/02/2019 05:14

CantStopMeNow
That's really unpleasant

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney · 28/02/2019 05:51

I do think an awfully big seal is being made about cooking to six... Just do something simple. Throw together a bolognese or soup in the morning and leave it there to simmer.

Also sorry but you've said that you ant one day a year to celebrate your birthday... Well you're having that on Saturday aren't you? Di yiu need the Friday as well.

I guess I just don't really get it because my birthday tammy isn't as big a deal to me as yours is to you.

In relation to your AIBU though, yeah you can't invite yourself to a lunch then complain about where it is.

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney · 28/02/2019 05:53

Sorrui, many many typos. Blush

Tennesseewhiskey · 28/02/2019 05:59

I dont get this

You are celebrating your birthday with several different things.

I can imagine since you already have plans with you parents, they didn't feel that going for lunch on the actual day of your birthday is a big deal. Nor should the group change the plan because you invited yourself and it's your birthday. Its not like they are ignoring your whole birthday.

Your dh is in the forces and has his kids. That's just tough. That's life when you are with someone with kids and/or in the forces which you knew when you got with him.

I would see you point if you have no plans at all for your birthday

Nothinglefttochoose · 28/02/2019 06:20

It should be your husband cooking on your birthday. Or you order takeaways

Margot33 · 28/02/2019 06:21

Yes I.think asking to stay over and not inviting you to lunch is rude. Don't bother going. Agree with the others just put pizzas and salad out for dinner. Arrange to do something with your friend on the Saturday. How about a massage, lunch and cocktails?

Notwiththeseknees · 28/02/2019 06:47

Why not get a ready meal in (I'm thinking Lidl family lasagne here, salad, bread etc) and ask your parents to look after the children for a couple of hours and you & DH go out for a drink/cinema/meal?

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 28/02/2019 07:01

I am very used to preparing meals for large volumes of people - it’s not the point.

@Can’tStopMeNow that’s a horrible post and TennesseeWhiskey - never ever say to a forces wife “you knew what you were getting into when you met him.” It’s the most ridiculous unhelpful thing to say.

OP posts:
Weetabixandshreddies · 28/02/2019 07:03

Try having a Christmas Day birthday - have to cook every year, never get to do what you want, can't go out to eat unless you pay 4 times what it would normally cost.

Some of us don't even get "only 1 day a year".

Try and enjoy your birthday. Plan to do something that you enjoy on the day and do an easy dinner for that night.

Murphypoint · 28/02/2019 07:07

I always make my birthday a big deal.

Says it all really..are you 3?

You honestly sound hard work. It’s my birthday next week. I’ll get a card, a cupcake and a takeaway. I don’t take the day off work, let alone a week.

Your week, your choice but you are sounding like a child.

Feb2018mumma · 28/02/2019 07:10

Try to be positive that they want to spend your birthday with you as some step children don't like their stepmum and yours are choosing to spend your birthday celebrating with you, have a takeaway and enjoy. I have had takeaways for years on my birthday and I honestly don't mind at all, went out this year and wish had stayed home! I think it's only the day you were born, I think it's more a big deal when your younger/ big birthdays? In terms of the day, this year I had my nails done and a hot chocolate in the day! Why not do something like that if you hate wetherspoons when your parents can't afford anything else? It's nice your parents have friends still, parents with no friends can be invasive and hard work! Think of your glass as half full and happy birthday Flowers

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