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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU and a Princess?

142 replies

PooleySpooley · 27/02/2019 21:50

I have the week off for my birthday.

My parents are coming that weekend and we are going out for dinner on the Saturday night. My birthday is on the Friday.

My husband arrives on the Friday and with him will be his two teenage daughters the Saturday night we are going out for dinner with my parents and 5 of our children.

I have been a bit in two minds what to do on my birthday as I am off work but obviously most of my friends and my husband are working. My best friend lives in another town and it’s her birthday a few days before mine and I will go and visit her.

My mum and dad now want to arrive a day early on my bday (meaning I will have 6 people to cook for) as they are meeting friends who live near here for lunch.

I have jokingly said that yes they can come if I am invited for lunch. Which they said is fine but - since they retired have become a bit obsessed with Wetherspoons (obvious reasons) whereas in the past have had more “refined” tastes. I have no problem with drinking in Wetherspoons but the two round here are really busy, so not very clean and I really really hate the food.

My dad is insisting we go there - argh what do I do just go along and suck it up.

What pisses me off a bit is it’s partly convenience for them they are coming on my birthday and my dad would not go and eat somewhere he didn’t want to.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
PooleySpooley · 28/02/2019 07:14

I have taken the week off becausecI had to take it before 1st April.

Not “taking a week off to celebrate me birthday”.

OP posts:
MsChookandtheelvesofFahFah · 28/02/2019 07:18

If dh is en route and can't cook then they can stop and get McDs or something on the way. Tell your parents that you are not cooking as it's your birthday but there are sandwiches if they care to get them. Just look after yourself and ds, Time to speak up!

talktoo · 28/02/2019 07:22

Ask your parents to bring something for dinner as it's your birthday. Just be honest and say you don't want a massive fuss as you are all going out on Saturday but no way are you slaving over the stove on your birthday.

PutyourtoponTrevor · 28/02/2019 07:23

I can't get over the fact that people take a week off for their birthday

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 28/02/2019 07:26

I haven’t taken a week off for my bloody birthday!!!

OP posts:
downcasteyes · 28/02/2019 07:30

I understand how you feel, but they are probably thinking "It's pooley's birthday, but we're going out on the Saturday to celebrate, so we can see Shezza and Wayne on Friday, we haven't caught up in ages!" Let them do their thing on the Friday, but be politely clear about the reason: "No, you go to lunch with your friends. It's my birthday and I don't want to spend it in Wetherspoons, it would be really depressing. I understand that you like it, but I don't want to spend my special day there".

Don't cook for everyone on the Friday night. It's your birthday, so go out somewhere or get a takeaway!

Murphypoint · 28/02/2019 07:31

Ready your OP back. It’s the first sentence where you say I have the week off for my birthday.

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 28/02/2019 07:38

@Murphypoint

Ok - I have the week off but it’s not for my birthday.

I had to take a week off as I had leave I had to take before 1st April and no one else was off that week which happened to be my birthday.

If I had been known I would be nailed down and hung drawn and quartered for that point I would have been more specific about the legalities of it! Hmm

OP posts:
GoGoGadgetGin · 28/02/2019 07:43

OP I get you, were your parents always planning to stay the Friday or is it only because it fits in with their plans now?

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 28/02/2019 07:45

It’s because it fits with their plans now.

OP posts:
Romanov · 28/02/2019 07:49

If I did frozen pizzas or ready meals my dad would be outraged

And....? So what, he a your guest and either eats what is served or not

He eats at Wetherspoons? Hmm how can he turn his nose up at a frozen pizza

Claw001 · 28/02/2019 07:53

Surely birthdays are about who you spend it with, not where?

adaline · 28/02/2019 07:54

These days it's more like work a 16h day, deal with tax returns after finally making it home, remember at 11pm that it's technically my birthday and then getting upset that my father has forgotten yet again.

Jesus, how miserable! Just because you're happy to spend your birthday that way doesn't mean other people should feel the same way!

BlimeyCalmDown · 28/02/2019 07:54

Yes I agree with you they shouldn't have invited themselves to stay on your birthday but you can't really ask them to change the venue either.

NutElla5x · 28/02/2019 07:55

I don't know why you're getting such a hard time for wanting to have a nice time on your actual birthday op. I'd at least want a relaxing day,which would not involve cooking for 6 (including 1 or 2 fussy) people. Saying that,you can't expect your parents to change their plans,because there are other people, ie their friends, involved.
Could you not maybe visit your bf again if she's free? Have a drink and a takeaway at hers and leave your husband and parents sort themselves out?

Tennesseewhiskey · 28/02/2019 08:00

TennesseeWhiskey - never ever say to a forces wife “you knew what you were getting into when you met him.” It’s the most ridiculous unhelpful thing to say.

Jog on op. I come from a forces family and was married to someone in the forces for 15 years. Does that make qualified enough to have an opinion?. Get a grip. You DID know. Choices we make mean certain things dont always go our way. Is it always easy, no, but it's still what we have to accept when we make that choice.

My, now, dp cant always be around because of his or his work. I accept that. If I was going to stop about it I wouldnt be with someone with his job or some one who already had a child.

I would totally get your point if you parents weren't celebrating with you at all but I cant believe a grown is in a mood because her parents are having lunch with someone else on the day of her birthday, when plans for the next day had been made a while before.

Tennesseewhiskey · 28/02/2019 08:00

OP doesnt have to cook a big meal for 6. She is choosing to.

FriarTuck · 28/02/2019 08:05

I have thought I might go (my dad wants me to) but invite my friend who knows my parents but will be a bit of an allie for me!!
I hope your parents' friends are happy to have uninvited guests turning up to their meet-up?! Just because you presumably know them & your friend knows your parents does not make this a good idea. Let your parents meet their friends and you do something separately with your friend. Go somewhere decent to eat. Celebrate officially with her. Eat cake, lots of it. Then do the family celebration on Saturday. And buy ready meals for Friday night. Sorted. 2 celebrations, 1 easy meal, 1 extended birthday.

downcasteyes · 28/02/2019 08:07

"If I did frozen pizzas or ready meals my dad would be outraged"

This is your issue. And your response is "Tough cheddar, Dad - it's my birthday and I don't to cook. Plus, you ate at Wetherspoons at lunch. Those means ARE readymeals!"

angieloumc · 28/02/2019 08:12

You're already celebrating on Saturday OP.
I'd just let your parents get on with meeting their friends.
As for your H I think you've got bigger problems than him not cooking on your birthday.

picklemepopcorn · 28/02/2019 08:20

I'm with you, OP. It's a bit miserable of your parents.

Do something really easy for the evening meal- rotisserie chicken, French stick and salad sounds ideal. Point out your parents went out for lunch so won't want much tea, and you didn't have time to prepare anything else because you were celebrating your birthday with a friend/catching up on college work.

Your parents are being thoughtless, but it's too late to fret about it now.
Enjoy your week!

ADropofReality · 28/02/2019 08:22

I have jokingly said that yes they can come if I am invited for lunch. Which they said is fine

If it was only said jokingly could you not back out on it? "No I was only joking, you enjoy catching up with your mates, I'll be seeing you later in the day"

poglets · 28/02/2019 08:24

Crikey. This is creating a problem for no reason.

Go and see your friend and then meet them later.

Ohtherewearethen · 28/02/2019 08:24

I get the impression that OP wants to turn her parents' meet-up with their friends into a birthday meal for herself where they go somewhere slightly posher than 'Spoons and they pay for her. I can't believe you are thinking of gatecrashing their meal with their friends and then thinking of inviting another friend! You say you have adult children now, OP, so does that mean that on their birthday, and for the day/weekend after, you spend the whole day just celebrating them? You don't think about doing anything else, having any other plans or meeting nor speaking to any other people, just because it's their birthday? Do you cook for your children or parents on their birthday? Or would you just think, we are all going out for a lovely meal on Saturday to celebrate X's birthday and get on with the rest of the day? Your parents ARE spending your birthday with you, they are coming for the evening and the meal the following evening. Does it mean that they are not allowed to do anything else or see or speak to anyone else for the whole day before they get to you after lunch?

Vulpine · 28/02/2019 08:28

I wouldn't ask my dh to cook for his step kids on his biryhday