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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU and a Princess?

142 replies

PooleySpooley · 27/02/2019 21:50

I have the week off for my birthday.

My parents are coming that weekend and we are going out for dinner on the Saturday night. My birthday is on the Friday.

My husband arrives on the Friday and with him will be his two teenage daughters the Saturday night we are going out for dinner with my parents and 5 of our children.

I have been a bit in two minds what to do on my birthday as I am off work but obviously most of my friends and my husband are working. My best friend lives in another town and it’s her birthday a few days before mine and I will go and visit her.

My mum and dad now want to arrive a day early on my bday (meaning I will have 6 people to cook for) as they are meeting friends who live near here for lunch.

I have jokingly said that yes they can come if I am invited for lunch. Which they said is fine but - since they retired have become a bit obsessed with Wetherspoons (obvious reasons) whereas in the past have had more “refined” tastes. I have no problem with drinking in Wetherspoons but the two round here are really busy, so not very clean and I really really hate the food.

My dad is insisting we go there - argh what do I do just go along and suck it up.

What pisses me off a bit is it’s partly convenience for them they are coming on my birthday and my dad would not go and eat somewhere he didn’t want to.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Lucked · 27/02/2019 22:38

But you already have a Birthday dinner planned for the next night. You are being precious.

Don’t ruin their lunch and stop being such a martyr about Friday night dinner get stuff to go in the oven or get a takeaway if you don’t want to cook.

Doghorsechicken · 27/02/2019 22:39

You sound pretty self absorbed to be honest. Like you want special treatment because it’s your birthday. He’s a father and he should be putting his children before you (in my opinion). Just because it’s your birthday it doesn’t mean they aren’t welcome. I’m so glad my parents never divorced because I don’t think I could cope with step parents that begrudged my existence.

Original poster

PooleySpooley · 27/02/2019 22:40

This is the thing.

If I did frozen pizzas or ready meals my dad would be outraged! 😂😂

OP posts:

BaronessBomburst · 27/02/2019 22:40

Buy three quiches and a couple of bags of salad. Serve with boiled potatoes with mayonnaise or allioli, and cherry tomatoes.
And white wine.
Done.
Now you can spend the day doing whatever you want.

Shipley · 27/02/2019 22:41

Make a spag bol in the slow cooker for Fridays evening meal, no effort! I would expect they thought you would have made plans for your birthday.

RagingWhoreBag · 27/02/2019 22:43

I think that them staying an extra day so they can see their friends is a red herring, it probably hasn’t occurred to them that it’s odd because you’re celebrating the next day.

You don’t have to cook for anyone, but if you do choose to cook, make it easy. Shove a slow cooker stew in the oven in the morning, or make pesto pasta and garlic bread etc. Or ask your DH as it’s your birthday, what’s he planning to cook for the family? If your parents have been out for a big lunch they probably won’t want much anyway, so it doesn’t need to be flash, just have what you’d normally have and treat the Saturday as your birthday.

Can’t you find something to do that you’d enjoy more than Wetherspoons with tour folks? Wander round a gallery, go for a swim and then have a nice lunch with a book, so some shopping and buy yourself a little treat. Just have a massive lie in and then watch daytime TV in your PJs?! I can’t think of anything worse than a birthday lunch with two couples who haven’t see each other for ages, in Wetherspoons of all places!

Original poster

PooleySpooley · 27/02/2019 22:44

They knew I had no plans because I had already told them I had the week off and wasn’t sure what I was doing.

Self absorbed- that’s hilarious - one day a year!

DH is in the forces so birthdays and Christmas often spent apart and often swapped weekends around for birthdays, kids parties whatever it’s not a big deal.

And they are coming for dinner?!

OP posts:

Original poster

PooleySpooley · 27/02/2019 22:46

Thing is I can’t have a lie in as my parents will be arriving.

OP posts:

Calzone · 27/02/2019 22:49

Are you 12?

You sound ridiculous.

Buy a rotisserie chicken, coleslaw, cook jacket potatoes and salad and a pudding. Lots of wine.
Other people can clean up.

Job done ✅

LimeKiwi · 27/02/2019 22:52

So, have I got this right - you invite yourself along for lunch and then don't want to go where they want to go and want them to go somewhere else?

My dad is insisting we go there - argh what do I do just go along and suck it up

Erm, yes seeing as that's where they were going all along until you came and wanted to change their plans!
Sorry but you asked, and yes YABU.

AJPTaylor · 27/02/2019 22:52

In your shoes I would take myself off to the Cinema for the afternoon.

HotpotLawyer · 27/02/2019 22:53

What were you lmanknv to do for your birthday before your parents said they were coming down for their Wetherspoons get together?

Why have you taken a whole week off for your birthday when you seem to have nothing to do?

ineedaholidaynow · 27/02/2019 22:53

Can't your parents go straight to meet their friends and come to yours later? Tell them it is not convenient. It's not like they are prioritising your birthday over their friends. If they are going out for lunch they won't want a big dinner as well, will they?

Get a takeaway and get someone else to pay as it is your birthday

slashlover · 27/02/2019 22:53

Self absorbed- that’s hilarious - one day a year!

Yes - the Saturday.

SapphireSeptember · 27/02/2019 22:53

Oh yes, I forgot, adults aren't supposed to make a big thing of their birthdays.

OP, it's weird how you dad would be outraged by you serving up ready meals or frozen pizza, when he's going to 'Spoons for just that! What does he think they serve there? I refuse to darken their doors!

Anyway, I think it's unfair they're coming down early and expect you to cook for them. I'd bugger off out and find a nice cafe to sit in with a book, and tell them they know where the fridge is.

Ragwort · 27/02/2019 22:55

I find it hard to believe that an adult behaves in such a self absorbed way, you are celebrating your birthday on the Sat night, why do you have to have another celebration on the actual day? . I can understand your parents wanting to catch up with other friends during their visit, there’s nothing unreasonable about that & I don’t see why you need to gatecrash their lunch.

Surely you can find something you like to do on the Friday? What were your plans before you knew your parents would be arriving that day?

Original poster

PooleySpooley · 27/02/2019 22:55

Not really the Saturday though I wanted to go away for the weekend with my husband and we couldn’t because we had his children and we weren’t sure where he would be the weekend after.

I took a week off because I had leave I had to take before being Tuupeed into a new company and DH couldn’t take leave as he didn’t know where he would be.

OP posts:

keepforgettingmyusername · 27/02/2019 22:59

Tell your dad you won't come to lunch but he can get you all a takeaway for dinner instead. Sorted.

slashlover · 27/02/2019 23:00

You sound really resentful of his children.

timeisnotaline · 27/02/2019 23:02

Why can’t you have a lie in? Mum dad I’m not getting out of bed till 10. Equally you can serve a frozen pizza - I really didn’t feel like cooking and it’s my birthday. You had lunch out dad and dinner out tomorrow. You really see to be struggling to handle this. Don’t go to lunch, you would only be doing it to work yourself into a royal sulk. Also, they probably all think like I do - you are taking the whole week to lie in and do whatever you want!
Why don’t you take your mood, sleep on it and read it again in the morning.

LimeKiwi · 27/02/2019 23:02

What person on here would really go and stay with their child/family member on their child/family members birthday and make arrangements for lunch and not invite them?!

They're meeting up with you later though, and staying at yours, so they are seeing you on your birthday
Why aren't they allowed to do their own thing too?
You say they don't mind at all that you've asked to come - so that's good.
You can't demand to change the restaurant though, you either want to go with them or you don't!

BackforGood · 27/02/2019 23:04

What person on here would really go and stay with their child/family member on their child/family members birthday and make arrangements for lunch and not invite them?!

Well, like most grown ups, I'd have a conversation.
I read it as - they wanted to meet with friends who presumably live near you. Arranged a mutally convenient date with said friends so checked if it is alright they use those couple of days as their days to stay with you this month / year / however often they come. The fact it is your birthday isn't really relevant. You aren't 'doing' your birthday meal on that day anyway.
Maybe they thought you wouldn't want to, as you had your dh's dc over.
Maybe they thought you wouldn't want to, as they are actually meeting their friends
Maybe they thought their friends wouldn't want you there as it will change the dynamics
Maybe they just knew you would turn your nose up at the place they wanted to meet their friends at ??

But yes, If I were meeting friends near my dd's house and it happened to be her birthday, it wouldn't stop me asking her if I could stay - obviously checking that didn't mean it would stop her plans. Then, depending who I was meeting, I probably wouldn't invite her to that lunch, I'd probably spend the rest of the time I was in the area with her.

lazymare · 27/02/2019 23:04

You sound pretty self absorbed to be honest. Like you want special treatment because it’s your birthday.

Why the hell shouldn't she?

HollowTalk · 27/02/2019 23:04

I agree with buying roast chicken, coleslaw, French bread etc and flinging it on the table with a few bottles of wine. Job done.

It doesn't sound much of a birthday treat for you, all that work.

Original poster

PooleySpooley · 27/02/2019 23:05

I have a son here...I probably would have taken my birthday off but not the whole week - I would have lost the leave otherwise.

I will be at college twice and have a load of college work to catch up on which I haven’t had time to do at work.

OP posts:

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