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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move and not tell the in-laws....(very lighthearted)

294 replies

Wantmyflipflops · 26/02/2019 17:55

Hi everyone...first time poster, long time stalker here. My life is pretty boring so never had anything of real substance to moan about on here but finally something I and ask you lovely people is IAMBU...

Now obviously I won't change the locks. I have a 4 year old and a 7 week old so it would be far too much of a bother (and mean I have to stop cuddling the kids to do it).

So...DH, MIL, SIL and her DH and 5 DC (yes 5) all live in a 5 mile radius of us. We moved from London 10 years ago and they all liked the area and to my horror have moved here. DH thinks it is great but as you can imagine I am distraught (feigning total trauma here).

3 days ago I went out on my own with my 2 DD, it was genuinely stressful due to discovering that my 4 year old had taken all the nappies out of the baby bag midway through a nappy change. Thankfully a mum was waiting outside and took pity on me and gave me spare nappy...angels do exist.

So frazzled and stressed I arrived home and opened the front door...to be met with 5 kids in the playroom that had been totally ransacked (oldest is 12 and was literally throwing things across the room). The utter shock must have been all over my face as when I walked in the living room all 4 of the adults started making excuses about the state of the house. oh they are just kids, they will tidy up, they are just excited...etc...etc.

I could feel my face getting red and then I look at my BIL and see he is eating the dinner I had put in the slow cooker and in the corner of the room a box of chocolates I had bought as a thank you to my neighbours had been opened and half eaten.

I am now very ashamed about what happened next but I somewhat exploded. I tried to restrain myself but found whilst asking 'Is that our dinner?' to my husband that my voice was rather loud and shrill...he looked sheepish and BIL smirked to which I then completely went bat shit crazy...

For context - today is my anniversary (8 years) I had prepared the meal at 6 this morning whilst the kids were still sleeping, our neighbour (who I have become very close to over the last 10 years and has basically been like a mum/gran to us) is having the girls for 2 hours so we can eat and just have a little celebration. (Hence the chocolates).

Anyway I told SIL to get in the playroom and tidy up. She looked shocked and said she was always going to tidy (a lie, she never does). Asked who opened the chocolates to which the MIL piped up and said she thought it would be nice for the kids...I told her it was not her place and was a thank you present. She stormed out. BIL slowly put his bowl down and went to help SIL.

They have now all gone - thank fully no-one tried to speak to me and I can hear DH cleaning and sorting out the house.

Have pretty much decided I am putting the house on the market tomorrow and moving.

Please tell me that I am not being a tit here...that was totally out of order right?

Few disclaimers - I have not spoken to DH so I am not sure if he offered the food or BIL just took it. Same with the chocolates. I also do not know if they were here before husband got home. MIL has a spare key for emergencies (which I am requesting back).

I have decided that DH can have the kids for the 2 hours tonight and I am off next door to have my dinner with Gladys. What is a reasonable amount of time I can go without having to look at him?

OP posts:
Original poster
Wantmyflipflops · 26/02/2019 19:25

@MakeItAmazing ooh I heart you too...

How do you actually do a heart?

OP posts:
SharkSave · 26/02/2019 19:26

OP I don't even know you but I feel so proud of you! Bloody good on you!

Original poster
Wantmyflipflops · 26/02/2019 19:27

@Cherrysoup BIL is basically a CF to everyone, doesn't surprise me helped himself. I think SIL has been on his case since they left but I won't get an apology from him.

OP posts:
DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 26/02/2019 19:28

You can't move away unless there is a granny flat for Gladys!
Well done, I feel all proud of you and we've never even met! It sounds like your SIL has potential and you've certainly put some firm boundaries in place, so a good day's work all round I reckon.

My MIL was a Gladys type and I miss her so often, even 25 years after she died. My mother, however, is another matter. Every time she says something bitchy to me about my general wrongness, I say "Just so you know, I'm putting you in a home as soon as I can. In Shetland" She doesn't believe me, but she's very vain and hates being reminded that she's over 35.

Hittapotamus · 26/02/2019 19:28

Good on your SIL for having the decency to apologise and agree new terms.

7 weeks pp and you're supposed to be dieting?? Sod that the cheeky bitch! I like the retort if she says you look tired say 'and you look old but I was too polite to mention it'.

Original poster
Wantmyflipflops · 26/02/2019 19:28

@SharkSave why thank you...DH said he was impressed so I must have channeled my inner super hero...I am wonder woman

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 26/02/2019 19:29

apologised about the play room and said it won't happen again.

They wouldn't get past the front door for a long time in order for it to happen again if it were my house - let them keep their distance for a while. You need peace and quiet to enjoy your new baby, without this shower of imbeciles landing on your door expecting to be waited on.

Original poster
Wantmyflipflops · 26/02/2019 19:30

Oooh how I love you all my new friends. he he (I really am not that creepy...I promise he he)

I am going to relax now and have a bath...I would take you all with me but last time I dropped the ipad and it cracked on the floor...oops.

OP posts:
Springwalk · 26/02/2019 19:31

Put that house on the market op. After your chicken balls decide where you are going to live. Gladys with you! Can’t get over the non apology complete with spiteful dig. She really sounds awful 😡

Echobelly · 26/02/2019 19:31

I don't know about moving but I'd make a firm no coming without notice (especially with 5 fecking kids in tow!). You have a 7wo, FFS, you can't suddenly have 6+ people in your house unannounced!

BrusselPout · 26/02/2019 19:31

I saw this and thought of you...😂

To move and not tell the in-laws....(very lighthearted)
Bluetrews25 · 26/02/2019 19:33

FlipFlops you are AWESOME!
And Gladys sounds like a true angel.
You did exactly the right thing. Well done you!
It may be worth asking MIL why she is projecting her own weight issues onto you? Should she see her GP about her eating disorder?

AbbieLexie · 26/02/2019 19:34

My hero - happy anniversary Flowers buckets of Flowers
Change the locks and keep up the good work

Pinkprincess1978 · 26/02/2019 19:35

You can't leave Gladys! Serious need to get that key back. I would get a key box so you can't ever get locked out.

Well done for standing up to the in laws. Of course they were so out of order. Who would ever let themselves into someone else's house?! Unless it was planned that they came round and they arrived before you that would be acceptable.

I can't imagine how anybody would ever think it ok to help themselves to food cooking! If he was sat eating a sandwich or toast maybe forgivable but not what us clearly someone tea.

And your mil passive aggressive insult by way of an apology for theft! Beggars belief.

frazzledasarock · 26/02/2019 19:37

The more I read threads on here the more I’m shocked at how utterly rude, uncaring arshiles people can be.

Who the fuck lets themselves into someone’s house, trashed the place, eats the dinner which is cooking and opens boxes of chocolate and eats those also? Who?

I’ve held emergency keys for people, never used the keys just had them in a safe place ready to hand over when wanted, that’s normal. Not going into someone’s house and treating it like a free for all.

Bloody well done you OP. For your reaction and reply to your witchMIL’s message.

Stayawayfromitsmouth · 26/02/2019 19:38

Do you have keys to their houses? I'd return the favour.
Well done for sorting them out.
Shock Cake

midsomermurderess · 26/02/2019 19:40

I would have felt utterly murderous if I had come home to that. The level of entitlement by all involved is jaw dropping. They should all be thoroughly ashamed of themselves.

NataliaOsipova · 26/02/2019 19:46

Ok - let’s give SIL some credit here. If you’re feeling noble, you could ask her round for a coffee at some point (without MIL, which will piss her off!). MIL? No bloody way. Stand firm and stay strong. And I want a Gladys...she sounds lovely!

Nanny0gg · 26/02/2019 19:54

Get a keysafe for your spare key and then you won't have to worry whether Gladys is home.

Don't tell MiL you've changed the locks and then see what she says when she can't get in.

ReaganSomerset · 26/02/2019 19:56

Just to say well done, OP. I applaud you.

Magicstar1 · 26/02/2019 19:58

I’m a bit mixed up here.... the first part of the OP says this happened 3 days ago, but the rest says today?

ThanosSavedMe · 26/02/2019 19:59

Good for you. So many times on here you read about people doing or saying nothing.

Your IL’s know not to mess with you now. Don’t let them slip into old habits. You have them right where you want them.

And definitely change the locks

allwrite · 26/02/2019 20:02

I've had a little phrase up the proverbial sleeve for a while now - I suspect I read something like it on here and thought it was worth nabbing.

Unfortunately all the people I seem to mix with never need clever come-backs, so I offer it to you:

"Thank you for your interest. I find these days most people just mind their own business, don't you?"

As in:
"You thought I was looking tired? Thank you for your interest etc."

"You thought I should be on a diet? Thank you for your interest etc."

MakeItAmazing · 26/02/2019 20:03

Pictures on iPad, flip flops ❤️

Curiousdad18 · 26/02/2019 20:05

My DM and DB have form here also..they have an emergency key and have used it to rearrange house, get power tools to massacre plants in my garden and various other offences. Need to channel the OP next time it happens Smile

PILs live 4000 miles away - and are lovely.. I would happily swap.

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