To move and not tell the in-laws....(very lighthearted)

[Wantmyflipflops]

Hi everyone...first time poster, long time stalker here. My life is pretty boring so never had anything of real substance to moan about on here but finally something I and ask you lovely people is IAMBU...

Now obviously I won't change the locks. I have a 4 year old and a 7 week old so it would be far too much of a bother (and mean I have to stop cuddling the kids to do it).

So...DH, MIL, SIL and her DH and 5 DC (yes 5) all live in a 5 mile radius of us. We moved from London 10 years ago and they all liked the area and to my horror have moved here. DH thinks it is great but as you can imagine I am distraught (feigning total trauma here).

3 days ago I went out on my own with my 2 DD, it was genuinely stressful due to discovering that my 4 year old had taken all the nappies out of the baby bag midway through a nappy change. Thankfully a mum was waiting outside and took pity on me and gave me spare nappy...angels do exist.

So frazzled and stressed I arrived home and opened the front door...to be met with 5 kids in the playroom that had been totally ransacked (oldest is 12 and was literally throwing things across the room). The utter shock must have been all over my face as when I walked in the living room all 4 of the adults started making excuses about the state of the house. oh they are just kids, they will tidy up, they are just excited...etc...etc.

I could feel my face getting red and then I look at my BIL and see he is eating the dinner I had put in the slow cooker and in the corner of the room a box of chocolates I had bought as a thank you to my neighbours had been opened and half eaten.

I am now very ashamed about what happened next but I somewhat exploded. I tried to restrain myself but found whilst asking 'Is that our dinner?' to my husband that my voice was rather loud and shrill...he looked sheepish and BIL smirked to which I then completely went bat shit crazy...

For context - today is my anniversary (8 years) I had prepared the meal at 6 this morning whilst the kids were still sleeping, our neighbour (who I have become very close to over the last 10 years and has basically been like a mum/gran to us) is having the girls for 2 hours so we can eat and just have a little celebration. (Hence the chocolates).

Anyway I told SIL to get in the playroom and tidy up. She looked shocked and said she was always going to tidy (a lie, she never does). Asked who opened the chocolates to which the MIL piped up and said she thought it would be nice for the kids...I told her it was not her place and was a thank you present. She stormed out. BIL slowly put his bowl down and went to help SIL.

They have now all gone - thank fully no-one tried to speak to me and I can hear DH cleaning and sorting out the house.

Have pretty much decided I am putting the house on the market tomorrow and moving.

Please tell me that I am not being a tit here...that was totally out of order right?

Few disclaimers - I have not spoken to DH so I am not sure if he offered the food or BIL just took it. Same with the chocolates. I also do not know if they were here before husband got home. MIL has a spare key for emergencies (which I am requesting back).

I have decided that DH can have the kids for the 2 hours tonight and I am off next door to have my dinner with Gladys. What is a reasonable amount of time I can go without having to look at him?

Next time she texts you to tell you you look tired, text back and tell her she looks old or ill!

I know. Honestly it's the only way I cope with them. I've been very clear to DH that if his mother ever wants to move here to us then I am divorcing him and taking the kids and moving to another country.

Well done op for being honest about how this made you feel! Really unacceptable of them to treat you and your home this way.

Yanbu at all, move to a different town and meet only on neutral ground. They helped themselves to your dinner out of the slow cooker wtaf...?

But c'mon what was mils text about?

And the text says...

Soz about chocs..thought you were on a diet so was helping you out.

My response...

Chocolates were not for me, they were a gift. Don't ever help yourself to things in my house EVER again.

Right my new friends - that's how it works right, if you respond to my post you are my best friend (said with a creepy look and a twitch in my eye)...he he

I am off to scoff my chicken balls and allow DH to rub my feet.

You have all made a shit night better xx

She thought you were on a diet cheeky fucking passive aggressive bitch

@PrincessScarlett he he...I am just going to randomly do that anyway. She is a lunatic.

What the fuck? What a feeble non-apology that was 🤦🏼‍♀️

@Teateaandmoretea she is a passive aggressive bitch...thankfully my DH likes a bit of junk in the trunk so no diet for me he he

It just reminded me of the ooooooh you look like you've lost weight I got every time I saw my mil post baby

@Isth I am still waiting for the apology from my wedding when she stopped the ceremony because she wanted the air-con turned on as the room was too hot.

That was over a decade ago :)

Wow, she is some cunt. How dare she say about you dieting and you only 7 weeks post partum.

The lot of them sound like nasty fucking arsewipes

Don’t tell them you’ve changed the locks, they’ll only demand a key

That's such a shit apology!

Well done op. Very impressed with your work.

What a nightmare. I'd be keeping my distance for a good while.

@Teateaandmoretea @Drum2018

MIL is obsessed with my weight. I am a size 18, put on 8lb this pregnancy and am back in my size 18s, but she is constantly telling me not to worry as I can stop wearing maternity clothes soon.

I just visualize punching her in the face and a stadium of people clapping!!

Next time she texts you to tell you you look tired, text back and tell her she looks old or ill!

mine used to say the same when I was all glammed up to go out and they were babysitting. FIL would say something complimentary and in the next beat MIL would say I looked tired or whatever. I soon cottoned on as it happened every. single. time and so I would cheerily ask her how her health was as she looked ashen or similar which would result in a very satisfactory cat's bum face

That is NOT an apology from MIL. What about sorry for letting themselves in, trashing your house and eating your anniversary meal?

I am taking a bow for all of the praise for my reaction. I just hope it doesn't go to my head and I actually punch them next time...

The 12 year old particularly gets on my nerves (I would never punch a child) but she really is vile. She told my DD 4 that Santa was not real. I seriously wanted to hurt her.

"...thought you were on a diet..."

CUSTARD PIE THE BITCH

omg

I mean, you have a 7 week old baby, and you've both been through the mill. No matter what size you are, now is not the time to diet.

that's the first rule of woman code, surely
'NEVER insinuate another woman is, and by implication, should be on a diet'

Enjoy your chicken balls and foot rub.

Actually, fuck the custard pie. Make it a plate of tripe.

Wow OP, I'd be digging a big hole under my patio with her name on it! What a CF! Well done you on letting rip, nicely done! And congratulations on the baby and your anniversary

@Fromage I like your style

@Fromage she is not a woman she is a dragon...there is no code for a self obsessed evil old witch!!

Smiling to myself way too much at that ha ha ha

@VelociraptorRex ha ha I have a running joke with DH about our patio and the MIL. He reckons I would need help and I remind him about Gladys...she has promised she would help me with the body!