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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move and not tell the in-laws....(very lighthearted)

294 replies

Wantmyflipflops · 26/02/2019 17:55

Hi everyone...first time poster, long time stalker here. My life is pretty boring so never had anything of real substance to moan about on here but finally something I and ask you lovely people is IAMBU...

Now obviously I won't change the locks. I have a 4 year old and a 7 week old so it would be far too much of a bother (and mean I have to stop cuddling the kids to do it).

So...DH, MIL, SIL and her DH and 5 DC (yes 5) all live in a 5 mile radius of us. We moved from London 10 years ago and they all liked the area and to my horror have moved here. DH thinks it is great but as you can imagine I am distraught (feigning total trauma here).

3 days ago I went out on my own with my 2 DD, it was genuinely stressful due to discovering that my 4 year old had taken all the nappies out of the baby bag midway through a nappy change. Thankfully a mum was waiting outside and took pity on me and gave me spare nappy...angels do exist.

So frazzled and stressed I arrived home and opened the front door...to be met with 5 kids in the playroom that had been totally ransacked (oldest is 12 and was literally throwing things across the room). The utter shock must have been all over my face as when I walked in the living room all 4 of the adults started making excuses about the state of the house. oh they are just kids, they will tidy up, they are just excited...etc...etc.

I could feel my face getting red and then I look at my BIL and see he is eating the dinner I had put in the slow cooker and in the corner of the room a box of chocolates I had bought as a thank you to my neighbours had been opened and half eaten.

I am now very ashamed about what happened next but I somewhat exploded. I tried to restrain myself but found whilst asking 'Is that our dinner?' to my husband that my voice was rather loud and shrill...he looked sheepish and BIL smirked to which I then completely went bat shit crazy...

For context - today is my anniversary (8 years) I had prepared the meal at 6 this morning whilst the kids were still sleeping, our neighbour (who I have become very close to over the last 10 years and has basically been like a mum/gran to us) is having the girls for 2 hours so we can eat and just have a little celebration. (Hence the chocolates).

Anyway I told SIL to get in the playroom and tidy up. She looked shocked and said she was always going to tidy (a lie, she never does). Asked who opened the chocolates to which the MIL piped up and said she thought it would be nice for the kids...I told her it was not her place and was a thank you present. She stormed out. BIL slowly put his bowl down and went to help SIL.

They have now all gone - thank fully no-one tried to speak to me and I can hear DH cleaning and sorting out the house.

Have pretty much decided I am putting the house on the market tomorrow and moving.

Please tell me that I am not being a tit here...that was totally out of order right?

Few disclaimers - I have not spoken to DH so I am not sure if he offered the food or BIL just took it. Same with the chocolates. I also do not know if they were here before husband got home. MIL has a spare key for emergencies (which I am requesting back).

I have decided that DH can have the kids for the 2 hours tonight and I am off next door to have my dinner with Gladys. What is a reasonable amount of time I can go without having to look at him?

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 03/03/2019 23:27

I hope your DH is onboard with the new set up! What did he say?

MorningRichie · 04/03/2019 02:34

OP, it didn't auto correct - that's the point. G is next to H in the keyboard, so you've clearly mistyped and it's not picked it up.

TheMaddHugger · 04/03/2019 03:13

To move and not tell the in-laws....(very lighthearted)
VelociraptorRex · 04/03/2019 07:33

OP that is just utterly awesome, I'd be laughing about that for a lvery ong time Grin

Georgieporgie1916 · 04/03/2019 08:03

We had this when we moved near our BIL. Problem was I didn't realise how close he lived. He was literally round every night even without DH's sister (his girlfriend) and BIL would be in my fridge and then stay ages and then the rest of DH's vile family would show up cos BIL told them to come.
Moving is a big deal... Why not just refuse them coming round unless invited? They obviously need boundaries.
Or do what I did and fall out with them? LOL I've not spoken to my IL's for nearly 4 years now! Bliss!

justilou1 · 04/03/2019 11:36

I just love a happy ending! *Wiping away happy tears

Alsohuman · 04/03/2019 11:40

So funny, OP. Very, very well done.

NataliaOsipova · 04/03/2019 11:42

I told her that I was totally dumstruck she would do that.

Good for you...again! That’s a massive overstep. We have a key for ,y mum, the ILs and my neighbour. For emergencies. Not to go round and “borrow” their stuff, or pop in when we fancy. Totally out of order. Well done!

DartmoorDoughnut · 04/03/2019 12:08

Ha! Stick that in your pipe and smoke it MIL!

rosablue · 04/03/2019 15:22

Would be very tempted to reply to her last message with a ‘well that explains who stole my perfume and silk scarf...’ and leave it at that.

Either she says she didn’t steal them she borrowed them - but without asking or returning sounds like stealing to me.

Or she will rant that she didn’t to which you can just say she is the only one with a key who (auto correct for who was wormhole!) takes things from you so you don’t believe her. And then look through her pix on Facebook to see if you can see her wearing the scarf... might have to do that from dh’s account though!

HJWT · 04/03/2019 18:42

OMGGGG your MIL is DEFO crazier than mine 😜😜😜

Hittapotamus · 05/03/2019 10:14

I can't believe you got a pay off on the lock change so soon! She must have been popping in weekly!

I gave my PILS a key to our house and they lost it plus denying I had ever given them one (I gave it as a 'gift' along with my DPs so both sets of parents had keys). MIL now no longer has one so she can't drop in thankfully!

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 05/03/2019 10:18

She went to your house while you were out to gain entry and "borrow" your hair curlers??wtf. Good for you changing the locks on Friday. She has been caught red handed. Who knows how many times she's done this and "borrowed" what ever she fancies. It is stealing.
And she can't deny it now to DH or explain it away.
This is one of the most damaging things that comes out of this kind of behaviour by in-laws, that they can really produce strain in a marriage. I hope your DH sees this and you keep standing up to her with the good humour you have displayed so far. Well done for changing those locks!

Original poster
Wantmyflipflops · 05/03/2019 11:12

I really do think she came round most days. I remember her asking me once what times Gladys visits her husband in the home and now it all makes sense.

BIL who is DH brother called DH to say that MIL was really upset about obviously not being trusted with a key...thus came the proudest married moment of my life...

DH actually stuck up for me against BIL. Told him that I made him proud and he supports everything I have said and done...

Feel slightly smug...about bloody time lol

OP posts:
Lillyringlet · 05/03/2019 11:19

Good! I'm glad he stood up for you. She clearly has no boundaries so just saw your stuff as free to use. My family are the same and even used to take stuff and sell it! They wondered why I hide everything off worth or moved out as quick as possible.

MumW · 05/03/2019 14:07

MIL was really upset about obviously not being trusted with a key...

If the cap fits... 🤣

Think your last post calls for a celebration.🥂

Iloveacurry · 05/03/2019 15:27

Brilliant update!

Original poster
Wantmyflipflops · 05/03/2019 15:45

Totally agree...celebration required that DH finally grew some ball!! He he

OP posts:
squooz · 05/03/2019 15:58

One of the best threads ever - every update is another step in the right - stop the In law Cfery - direction and now DH coming up trumps!Wine

Original poster
Wantmyflipflops · 05/03/2019 16:35

@squooz not giving DH a medal or anything yet...he has not actually said it to MIL yet...if he does that then I may be nice to him x

OP posts:
flumpybear · 05/03/2019 16:40

Brilliant - now next time there's a grumble perhaps throw in all those missing items that seemingly walked out the door when you were out ... you want them back pronto 😉

justilou1 · 06/03/2019 06:19

Wondering when you are moving to Australia? The house next door to mine is for sale and there is room for you all - Including Gladys, of course. My dog loves kids and would help guard your house from blowing leaves and possums running across power lines nearby too!

Happynow001 · 06/03/2019 07:39

Wow OP. I haven't finished reading your thread yet but my goodness have a huge hug 🤗 from me! So often IL's and others are such thoughtless CFers but get away with it. I bet they'll think before acting next time. But yes get your keys back/change the locks ASAP.

Enjoy your takeaway. 😂

Happynow001 · 06/03/2019 07:44

Get yourself a small coded key safe OP so you/your DH can retrieve the key from there if needed. My mother (elderly now) has one installed so emergency services can be given the code and enter if she's fallen over etc.

MorningRichie · 06/03/2019 07:57

Oh, for fucks sake. You've admitted to not reading the thread. Maybe it might be worth doing so before posting your trite little comment parroting what people said a fucking week ago before she actually solved the problem.