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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think this is unacceptable drunk driving

142 replies

Drunkatthepetrolstation · 24/02/2019 20:39

Name changed for this.

I picked my dp up from having watched the football with his mates in the pub.

Whilst I was there I saw him drink 2 pints and a double vodka. We then went for dinner and he had another pint. So that's 3 pints and a double vodka that I know about and god knows how much before hand. Needless to say he was drunk.

After eating we went to the petrol station and when I went in to pay he moves the car with my 6 year old in it.

Now I think this is totally utterly unacceptable and we will split up over it.

He thinks that whilst he probably shouldn't have done it, my son wasn't in any danger as he drove maybe 15 -20 feet forward in a straight line. From the pump to the parking spaces outside the petrol station.

He thinks I am over reacting. So AIBU and over reacting or is HBU and an absolute fucking idiot.

OP posts:
BuildingBackUp · 25/02/2019 20:29

It doesn’t seem like anyone’s said it so I will.

Bugger the car, and the driving.

You left a 6 year old alone with a drunk adult.

Yabu just for that and if it scared you, don’t leave your very young child alone with your drunk boyfriend again.

Smotheroffive · 25/02/2019 21:59

I did already say it. It's been ignored. Actually the DC was locked in the car alone until OP sent drunk back with car keys. Having car keys is enough for intent to drive and could have got him banned.

Smotheroffive · 25/02/2019 21:59

It doesn't invalidate insurance either. You'd struggle to get insurance again though.

Original poster
Drunkatthepetrolstation · 25/02/2019 22:49

I have always left DS in the car whilst I pay, if he is with me. Literally everyone I know does this. I have never seen anyone take their kids out of the car and into the garage whilst they pay.

Would I struggle for insurance or would he struggle?

OP posts:
MumUnderTheMoon · 25/02/2019 23:04

I wouldn't leave a child alone in a car. When I was a kid our dad left me and db in a car db knocked the handbrake and we started to roll luckily someone jumped in and stopped us. Or what if a car crashed into yours while your child was alone inside? Or what if they choked on something? Or what if someone took your car with your child still in it? These are reasons why people don't leave their kids in the car while they pay. I think it reasonable.

Smotheroffive · 25/02/2019 23:08

Your policy would likely have restrictions on it that exclude him, or a massive premium hike. He would likely be refused.

Smotheroffive · 25/02/2019 23:09

I think it would be a reasonable consequence of his flagrant disregard for everything to remove him from your policy,then he will know he can't drive it.

Original poster
Drunkatthepetrolstation · 25/02/2019 23:16

My car doesn't have a handbreak.

I have hinedrly never seen anyone get their children out of the car whilst they pay. I am not saying it doesn't happen, maybe I am not observant but I have never seen it.

You could just as easily say what if he got knocked down on the forecourt or what if some one came in and held up the garage whilst he is inside. As for choking on something well if you go down that route you would go crazy and never ever leave them alone for a second.

Someone could steal the car I guess, that's why I lock it, if they smashed a window DS would make enough noise that they changed their mind. No one would purposefully steal the car with a child in.

I think removing him from the insurance is actually an excellent idea.

OP posts:
Smotheroffive · 25/02/2019 23:28

Hang on...your car doesn't have a handbrake? Is it an auto? Do you use the pedal to activate the parking brake?

Original poster
Drunkatthepetrolstation · 25/02/2019 23:48

It's not an automatic, it just goes on and off on its own. There is a pull lever in the dash to the side of the steering wheel nearest the door if you want to double check it is on but there is no way you could accidentally knock it. Especially not whilst strapped into the car seat in the back of the car. You have to actually drive to take it off though.

I drive an old Renault scenic.

OP posts:
Original poster
Drunkatthepetrolstation · 25/02/2019 23:52

Just to make sure this doesn't turn into a debate about wether or not to leave lids in the car..... it seems it is a pretty common thing to do and there are risks associated with both choices. Although funnily enough, other people driving drunk wasn't mentioned as a risk.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2385515-AIBU-to-not-know-about-babies-and-petrol-stations?pg=2&order=

OP posts:
ninecoronas · 26/02/2019 00:01

I agree with Mountain1234. You only have to have lost someone to drink driving to 100% bin this guy off. If bad things can happen while driving along two empty rural streets, they can happen on a garage forecourt with pedestrians, flammable material, kids... idiot. With your kid. I'd go spare.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 26/02/2019 00:04

Seems your really making a mountain out of a molehill. He moved the car a few metres, big woop.

Lovingbenidorm · 26/02/2019 00:14

There is absolutely nothing wrong with leaving a child in a car with an adult while you pay at a garage.
BUT even thinking about getting behind the wheel when you’ve been drinking is beyond fucking stupid, it doesn’t matter how far he drove, it was dangerous and illegal

Willow2017 · 26/02/2019 00:26

Big whoop when you are drunk to drive a car yeah right.
Tell that to anyone who has been hit by a drunk driver.
Tell that to.the police who can arrest you for just sitting in the drivers seat drunk. I am.sure they will think it no big deal and whoop with laughter too.

Ffs no wonder there are so many iidiots who drink and drive when people are condoning it.

WarpedGalaxy · 26/02/2019 00:28

In answer to your thread title, I have no idea what you mean by unacceptable drunk driving. All drunk driving is unacceptable. You did not overreact and to me this is a LTB offense. He drove the car, with your 6 year old in it, while impaired by alcohol. Wtf is wrong with people who think this isn’t anything worth getting upset about?

I don’t care how much alcohol people think they or their DHs can hold or how long they’ve been driving or how many times they’ve driven with a few inside them and not been caught, if you’re over the legal limit you are unfit to operate a fucking motor vehicle. And with at least 8 units inside him that you know about he was definitely far far over the limit. It wouldn’t matter if the only person who might get hurt or killed was the dick with a skinfull behind the wheel but it’s most often some other poor bastard who suffers for their lack of self-control.

BuildingBackUp · 26/02/2019 00:36

I’ve left my dc in the car at petrol stations several times...it’s a whole other debate.

I don’t leave them alone with drunk adults though.

That’s the ur part op although you seem keen to not acknowledge it.

PtahNeith · 26/02/2019 00:37

he genuinely thinks he is being helpful.

'Course he did.

Like when he supervised you putting petrol in the car? And criticises your driving so much it makes you anxious?

Yep, sure, that's exactly what genuinely helpful, caring behaviour looks like.

Graphista · 26/02/2019 01:00

I don't think you're overreacting at all. I would have not only dumped him I'd have left him at the petrol station to get his own drunk, disrespectful, ignorant arse home!

I'd be absolutely livid at such actions, extremely risky behaviour ESPECIALLY with my young child in the car in a high risk environment and presuming your car too which he didn't have your explicit permission to drive at that time!

Fuck that!

I'm in Scotland where the law is essentially if you've had a drink you DON'T drive, simple.

I've also a few loved ones who've been the victims of drunk drivers, including an unborn baby almost at term so I'm of the view you NEVER drink and drive, not even one drink.

I think if the law was basically that - that you NEVER drink before driving it would be simple for people to understand, massively reduce the incidents and save many lives.

People like this man sicken me and frankly I suspect the people accusing the op of overreacting are likely guilty of drink driving themselves on at least one occasion - and I include those who would have been legally under the limit because that doesn't excuse them morally.

enidalton · 26/02/2019 02:10

You'd part your family and break up with your partner over that! Thats likely to cause a huge amount more damage and harm to your children than something like that ever would. Doesn't sound as if he was legless, and I'm sure moving it a few feet in a straight line is hardly endangering life, he was probably being courteous to people waiting behind, and if your being honest with yourself he certainly wasn't putting any passengers at risk. What was he going to do suddenly have a raging alcohol fit and stamp on the gas into a brick wall?

Get a grip of yourself!

enidalton · 26/02/2019 02:19

He clearly was sober enough to leave your child with, as I'm assuming you wouldn't leave your child in the care of a drunken adult. And if you say well it was only while you went to pay for fuel that would be a bit of a double standard don't you think?

enidalton · 26/02/2019 02:24

Also legalities and insurance have no bearing on this. Being drunk in charge and drink driving are both offences that can only be commited on public highways.

As this was a private petrol forecourt technically no laws were broken.

Graphista · 26/02/2019 02:38

Enid you need to rtft not the child's father not living together

And yea he was pretty leg less by sounds of things but still should have been safe to leave with child drunk =/= completely incapable of knowing not to bloody drive

WinterCoat · 26/02/2019 03:49

Am I the only one who wonders why OP you took your 6 year old son out to dinner with a drunk man who continued to get more drunk after you met up with him, during dinner? Sorry if I'm missing something!
He sounds awful, leave the bastard.

Original poster
Drunkatthepetrolstation · 26/02/2019 07:13

I didn't realise how drunk he would be, I was picking him up to go for dinner. When we arrived he was fairly drunk but I thought having dinner would help, me and dc were hungry so we continued with the plans.

I didn't leave him in charge of my 6 year old. As I have said I leave my 6 year old alone whilst I pay. I am happy to do that. So I wasn't putting him in charge. I thought stupidly that he (DP) would just sit quietly in the car and not need babysitting.

Was I to take DP in the shop drunk? Or wad I to take 6 YO DS into the shop when I have already decided that it is safer for him to be in the car?

I may have made the wrong call on that one but to be honest I don't have experience of looking after drunk adult men. I rarely drink and never get falling down drunk and my ex didn't drink much either so it's not something I have had much call to judge.

Obviously hindsight is wonderful but at the time I thought they were both safer clear in the car out of the way for the brief time it took to pay.

I don't know why people are trying to make this my fault.

OP posts: