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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to think this is unacceptable drunk driving

142 replies

Drunkatthepetrolstation · 24/02/2019 20:39

Name changed for this.

I picked my dp up from having watched the football with his mates in the pub.

Whilst I was there I saw him drink 2 pints and a double vodka. We then went for dinner and he had another pint. So that's 3 pints and a double vodka that I know about and god knows how much before hand. Needless to say he was drunk.

After eating we went to the petrol station and when I went in to pay he moves the car with my 6 year old in it.

Now I think this is totally utterly unacceptable and we will split up over it.

He thinks that whilst he probably shouldn't have done it, my son wasn't in any danger as he drove maybe 15 -20 feet forward in a straight line. From the pump to the parking spaces outside the petrol station.

He thinks I am over reacting. So AIBU and over reacting or is HBU and an absolute fucking idiot.

OP posts:

Kokeshi123 · 25/02/2019 04:27

Of course you don't leave someone for this but you do get really angry with them. He could have lost his license if he was caught, for a start. And petrol stations and car parks are dangerous places where you can easily hit someone esp a child if you are not on the alert.

However, if you are willing to split about this, I am guessing there is a back story of stupid and risk taking behavior in general.

Littlechocola · 25/02/2019 04:30

I couldn’t be with someone who thought it was acceptable to do that with my child in the car.

longwayoff · 25/02/2019 06:24

My friend, years ago, rolled over to his car, unlocked it, got in, realised he was too drunk to drive and attempted to climb into back seat to sleep it off. All watched by a policeman who then breathalysed him for being drunk in charge. Lost licence for a year. Oddly, he's the most law abiding person I know. Was horrified when sobered up.

angieloumc · 25/02/2019 06:39

My exH was once charged with drink driving, a lot of things led to me leaving him, but that was one. He was banned for a year and fined.
Then after we split up he would regularly turn up for contact after 'only having a pint' and I wouldn't let DC go.
As you don't live with him I would split up with him, there's no life together to extricate yourself from. But that's just my opinion.

PregnantSea · 25/02/2019 06:55

I think you ABU. I would also be pissed off about this, and would never do it myself (I wouldn't even drive after half a pint, I just have a very strict rule that if I'm driving I'm not drinking, end of). But splitting up over it is ridiculous. Just make it clear that it's unacceptable, let him apologise and promise to never do it again. Then move on.

Original poster

Drunkatthepetrolstation · 25/02/2019 07:01

Off if say in my OP that those were only the drinks that I saw him have. He was already drunk when I arrived at the end of the football. Those drinks were in a 2 hour timeslot that I was with him.

He had wanted to fill up for me, I said I would do it myself so he got put of the car to help me, and tell me when to stop. So he was already out of the car. I went in to pay and told him to get back in the car.

When I got out he had moved from the pump to the spaces at the front.

I guess I did over react, I just panicked cos of the state he was in, the fact my kid was on the car and it was a petrol station, if he mis judged it he could have hit the pump, there are other cars crossing in front of him to leave the station, there was the front of the station that he could have crashed into, there are people walking about. I just panicked.

Like I say we didn't split up, that was my initial knee jerk reaction, not just because he did it bit because he seemed adamant that it was fine to do it.

OP posts:

Aridane · 25/02/2019 07:05

There is a moral (if not legal) difference between 15ft in a straight line at a petrol station and driving home from the pub on public roads.

Yes I’d be angry. Yes I would expect it to never ever happen again.
No I wouldn’t end an otherwise happy and stable relationship over this single issue.

This!

Birdsgottafly · 25/02/2019 07:05

So you don't live together and it isn't his child?

Then if you want to make drink driving a deal breaker, that's fine.

If anything would have happened, your insurance wouldn't have covered it. If your Son was injured, the hospital would have been duty bound to report it to SS.

A serious conversation needs to be had, when he sobers up.

And you need to think about if this is the first time that he has shown you or your DS, disrespect.

Having said that, the Men I know wouldn't be drunk off drinking that amount, if they'd eaten, they wouldn't even be tipsy.

Quartz2208 · 25/02/2019 07:07

I don’t think you did, he wanted to do it because he felt you couldn’t and clearly you haven’t been together that long and it isn’t his son

If it’s a fairly new relationship that is easy to untangle from your first instinct to me is correct

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 25/02/2019 07:09

Either he never gets in your car again while drunk, or bin him. I don’t know what the rest of your relationship is like but he endangered your child. Even driving slowly can cause an accident.

FusionChefGeoff · 25/02/2019 07:15

That's a high hazard situation though isn't it - regardless of speed. I was just about to list all the things that could have gone wrong. There's lots of people in / out of petrol stations and lots of cars starting to move etc so someone who'd been drinking for at least 4 hrs including spirits could well have caused damage and / or hit someone.

The other thing I read (possibly wrongly!) from the situation is an arrogance, controlling attitude and disrespect which would have enraged me too. The whole wanting to put the petrol in, then getting out of the car to tell her she to stop?!

And finally, making a point that he thought OP should have moved the car to parking spaces - so he does it himself.

Strikes me as very 'stupid woman doing it all wrong, I'll sort it out' which would be the bigger problem in my eyes.

Original poster

Drunkatthepetrolstation · 25/02/2019 07:17

Sorry I seem to have confused people. That wasn't all he had drunk.
I dropped him off at 11.30 to watch the football. By the time I picked him up at 4 he was drunk. He then went on to have 3 pints and a double vodka in the 2 hours I was with him. Which gives an idea of how fast he was drinking.

OP posts:

picklemepopcorn · 25/02/2019 07:19

I think it's pretty bad actually. He didn't have the inhibition to avoid driving or filling up while drunk.

Whose car is it, is he insured? How familiar is he with your car?
He could have accidentally hit reverse, hit a pump, caused a fire... does he smoke?

SnagAndChips · 25/02/2019 07:19

sorry but I think driving across a petrol station while drunk is incredibly irresponsible. So he hits a pump and its OK? Petrol stations are dangerous places filled with highly flammable liquid.
I would be furious.

Birdsgottafly · 25/02/2019 07:23

Ah OK.

Think hard if it is the first incident and see what he says when he is sober.

If he minimises it, it should be a deal breaker.

Eliza9917 · 25/02/2019 07:25

If he was being stupid and trying to get involved in filling up, and getting out of the car, why did you leave the keys in the car?

You were in charge of a drunk person and a child and the drunk was interfering in the petrol station. You have to take some responsibility for not risk assessing properly imo.

Original poster

Drunkatthepetrolstation · 25/02/2019 07:25

I am a new driver, less than 4 months so I am not as confident as he is. I can drive perfectly well and get from A to B with no issues or near misses. But because he has been driving 20 years he likes to help from the passenger seat which actually just makes it more difficult. I drive so much better when he is not in the car with me.

I fill up every week with no issues. We had just had a row when I picked him up because he was helpfully pointing out what I should be doing and I told him if I need advice I will ask for it. He then sulked because I was being snappy.

OP posts:

Damntheman · 25/02/2019 07:26

I think this is horrifying and you're not overreacting OP. If he doesn't accept that he was wrong, apologise profusely and promise (sincerely) to never even contemplate doing it again, it would be a dealbreaker.

Agree with PP that you should talk to him when he's sober and if he minimises then that should tell you all you need to know.

I'd be furious too.

picklemepopcorn · 25/02/2019 07:27

This is going to go on and on. Are you sure you want this?

LetBartletBeBartlet · 25/02/2019 07:27

Is he the father of your ds?

It reads to me as if he isn't, in which case yes I would be LTB.

dragonsteeth · 25/02/2019 07:27

YANBU. I'm not sure I'd want to be with someone who felt it was ok to drive my kid, even a short distance while being over the limit.

I'd be carefully be considering the future of this relationship in your shoes.

Original poster

Drunkatthepetrolstation · 25/02/2019 07:28

I gave him the let's to get back into the car. Yes a stupid thing to do apparently. I should have put him in and checked his seatbelt. I didn't even think for one second he would drive it. There was no reason for him to do that.

OP posts:

Original poster

Drunkatthepetrolstation · 25/02/2019 07:30

To answer a few questions:

He is not my son's father.

He is insured on my car and has driven it many times.

OP posts:

Birdsgottafly · 25/02/2019 07:32

So he undermines your driving and he's a sulker?

There reasons to get rid, tbh. There'll be a level of sexism in his behaviour amd he doesn't mind putting your child as risk to prove a point.

If anything, a new driver is a better driver in lots of ways than a Man whose been driving for 20 years.

anniehm · 25/02/2019 07:33

Whether he was drunk is completely dependent on the length of time he took to consume the drinks with a few other factors thrown in like body mass and how quickly his own liver processes alcohol - 3 pints plus a double vodka is probably 11 units so roughly 11 hours to be alcohol free but you would be legal to drive in less time. You need a serious conversation but don't blow out of proportion, he didn't drive on the road - would be livid but not a first time offence break up situation, however if it's part of a pattern that is different

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