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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think this is unacceptable drunk driving

142 replies

Drunkatthepetrolstation · 24/02/2019 20:39

Name changed for this.

I picked my dp up from having watched the football with his mates in the pub.

Whilst I was there I saw him drink 2 pints and a double vodka. We then went for dinner and he had another pint. So that's 3 pints and a double vodka that I know about and god knows how much before hand. Needless to say he was drunk.

After eating we went to the petrol station and when I went in to pay he moves the car with my 6 year old in it.

Now I think this is totally utterly unacceptable and we will split up over it.

He thinks that whilst he probably shouldn't have done it, my son wasn't in any danger as he drove maybe 15 -20 feet forward in a straight line. From the pump to the parking spaces outside the petrol station.

He thinks I am over reacting. So AIBU and over reacting or is HBU and an absolute fucking idiot.

OP posts:
earlyrisingcat · 25/02/2019 07:35

Of course it's unacceptable. ANY drinking and driving is.

RJnomore1 · 25/02/2019 07:35

I absolutely do not think you at over reacting and I'm appalled people are accusing you of it.

Wintersnowdrop · 25/02/2019 07:37

I don’t think you are over reacting either.

Birdsgottafly · 25/02/2019 07:40

It doesn't matter if he's insured. If he is over the limit, it invalidates your insurance.

Springwalk · 25/02/2019 07:41

You can be charged with drink and driving 'in charge' of a car, so the very fact he is in the driving seat with or without a public road is absolutely in that category. The fact a child is in the car is an aggravating feature.

Op I am not surprised you are beyond furious. Of course this is absolutely completely unacceptable.

Springwalk · 25/02/2019 07:42

Anyone who does not think this is serious must be deluded, it is very very serious op and I am minded to agree with you entirely.

Willow2017 · 25/02/2019 07:44

So a grown man decides to.get in a car drunk and drive it with a child in it, and its the womans fault gor not taking him by the hand, putting him in rhe passenger seat and belting him in, and removing the car keys?

Christ on a bike realy?

How was op to kniw he was going to be such an arrogant idiot and drive the car? Who the heck puts petrol in then drives to.a parking space before paying? There was absolutely no need to move the car he was just trying to prove he knows better than op. Clearly his years of driving havent taught him a thing about safety.

OP This plus all the other stuff you mentioned would be giving me serious consideration if i wamted to be with a man who thinks he needs to.keep me right on things all the time. I am sure you dont need someone to.help you put petrol in the car nor critiqie your driving. Its going to get very wearing after a while. Do you really need someone 'managing' your life telling you where you are going wrong all the time?
Sod that.

Alondra · 25/02/2019 07:46

There is a moral (if not legal) difference between 15ft in a straight line at a petrol station and driving home from the pub on public roads.

ffs!

You can't have your engine running in a petrol station and think driving drunk is less dangerous than on a public road. If he had hit a pump the danger will have been very serious.

OP, I'd be as livid as you are. To start with, my trust in him will be gone.

Quartz2208 · 25/02/2019 07:57

Actually driving drunk in a petrol station is far more dangerous because his ability to drive in a straight line is impaired and the place is highly combustible

OP I think the first posts assumed he was the father and it was a long term relationship and in this case it would not be worth splitting up over and instead talking through

In your case where your lives are not particularly difficult to untangle the whole thing is a massive red flag so I would definitely split up

tiddlyipom · 25/02/2019 07:57

@anniehm he was already drunk when the OP arrived at the pub, the 3 pints and double vodka were drunk after she was there.
He should not have driven the car, no way.
OP you are not overreacting, he has behaved like an irresponsible arse.

Willow2017 · 25/02/2019 08:04

anniehm
You would seriously allow someone who had drunk 3 pints and 2 vodkas in 2 hrs to drive a car with your child in it?
Most of us dont give a damm how someone's body processes alcohol it just wouldnt be happening.

In any case he had already been drinking for hours before he had those so your calculations are neither here nor there.

Nomorepies · 25/02/2019 08:09

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

zippey · 25/02/2019 08:13

It was a dangerous act, so yes I would be angry. Just driving while sober hazardous! So drunk while driving is pretty bad.

I wouldn’t split up though unless there was other bad behaviour on his part.

GruciusMalfoy · 25/02/2019 08:23

I would be absolutely furious. He sounds like a drunken know-it-all. Of all the places to decide to drink-drive in, a petrol station with its flammable liquids, tight spaces, pedestrians and other cars... and your child was in the car. SMH.

ApplesinmyPocket · 25/02/2019 08:44

"I just don't know what planet he is on for that to seem a good idea."

Driving under the influence of alcohol is forbidden for the very reason that it impairs judgement. That's the planet he was on.

If when he sobers up he's STILL saying 'DS wasn't in any danger. I've been driving for 20 years," etc then he's a defensive idiot who refuses to own his dangerous mistakes and I'd have a long hard think about the future with him. Will you have to police him every time he has too much to drink, in case he does something this stupid again and then tries to pretend it was a perfectly OK thing to do?

rainbowunicorn · 25/02/2019 08:46

To be honest he doesn't sound like much of a catch.

Eliza9917 · 25/02/2019 09:24

Willow2017 Mon 25-Feb-19 07:44:50
So a grown man decides to.get in a car drunk and drive it with a child in it, and its the womans fault gor not taking him by the hand, putting him in rhe passenger seat and belting him in, and removing the car keys?

Yes, this bit actually. He was drunk so therefore incapacitated, unpredictable, irresponsible & not thinking straight. He should not have had access to the keys at all.

For exactly this reason. He might think it's a good idea to drive the car Hmm

Original poster
Drunkatthepetrolstation · 25/02/2019 09:37

I didn't even think for one second that he might drive the car, it didn't occur to me at all.

I don't go and take his car keys off him when he goes out with his friends or hide my keys if we have both been drinking. It just doesn't come onto my radar that he would drive in that state because I wouldn't do it. I expect an adult to know that you don't drive when you are drunk.

He had literally said 5 mins before that he needed to go home cos he was drunk.

Obviously lesson learnt bit I don't accept that I should baby a grown adult. Drunk or not. I know going forwards that if he is drunk again he can't be trusted but I am sure most people wouldn't expect him to drive the car either.

OP posts:
MumUnderTheMoon · 25/02/2019 09:45

You are absolutely not overreacting. He put your child at risk! And he broke the law. He's completely underestimating the seriousness of his actions.

Yabbers · 25/02/2019 11:35

Drunk people do stupid things. If he’d taken the car along the main road I’d have binned hi. But this was a stupid mistake and not bin-worthy. However, he’s the kind of idiot who moves his car from the pump which is entirely unnecessary and having worked at a petrol station, I can confirm is a complete pain in the arse as it can fekk up the systems. I’m supposed to check there is a car at the pump, check the transaction is complete. As a customer I once got free fuel because a car had done this and nobody could work out what went on.

I drive so much better when he is not in the car with me.
This is the reason to LTB. You are nervous about him criticising you. That’s no basis for a relationship.

Yabbers · 25/02/2019 11:39

If you intend to drive on a public road. In this case there was no intention to drive on a public road.
BIL got done for drink driving, sitting in the passenger seat of his car with the keys in the ignition. That counted as intent.

Springwalk · 25/02/2019 11:40

I certainly don't think you can trust him anymore op. I would keep the texts he has sent you about this. As if you do decide to go to LTB you are going to need every shred of evidence you can get your hands on to ensure he isn't looking after your child unsupervised in the future.

This man has shown an extraordinary lack of awareness or ability to protect your child. I would not be leaving my child in his care again.

You were lucky this time, but maybe not next time.

trancepants · 25/02/2019 12:18

Would everyone saying it's not a reason to split up kindly cop on. If someone feels like they need to leave a relationship, whatever it is that has made them feel that way is valid. It's ok to want to leave a relationship if that's what your instincts are telling you. No-one is entitled to someone else's participation in a relationship. If the other partner has done something that makes the other person want to end it, they can end it.

Lichtie · 25/02/2019 13:21

trancepants... Think you have missed the point of AIBU.

Willow2017 · 25/02/2019 14:17

Sorry but an adult who was not driving the car as they were too drunk should not have to be secind guessed that they will spontaneously decide that moving a car from a petrol pump.is a brilliant idea and do it.
It really isnt ops responsibility to predict his actions when they were so bizarre.
I have had countless drunk friends or partners in my car, not once have they done anything remotely as stupid as he did. Being drunk and admitting yiu need to go home because you are drunk should have been enough to.realise that he shouldnt drive at all.

Imagine if he had hit a pedestrian or another car do you suppose the police would hace blamed op for it?