Would you let your 15 year old go on a day trip to London alone?

[Comefromaway]

Just before he broke up for half term I had a phone call from ds’s school. His head of year was very concerned because he’d told a member of staff that he was planning to spend his birthday money going to London on a train to watch a West End show!

I of course made all the right noises, promised to speak to him. Explained that we were actually planning a family West End trip and we go approx once or twice a year. The head of year said he’d told her he’d been in London alone before and they were concerned. I assured her that had never been the case. (Turned our he meant last year when dd and dh went to get sushi, I went to a jacket potato place and he went to Burger King in Leicester Square and we met up 15 mins later outside the Lego shop.

So I spoke to ds and it turns out he was serious. He said yes I was going to tell you. I’ve done the maths worked out how much the train and tube will cost I looked up the price of tickets for the Saturday matinee and I have enough left over for lunch at Bella in Leicester Square at 12.30 before the show starts at 2.30. I was quite impressed to be honest. However I pointed out that pretty much all West End theatres have a no unaccompanied children under 16 policy (and he looks young for his age)

But AIBU to think there are worse things a 15 year old could plan? The school was treating going to London like it was Syria or somewhere!

The upshot is that he is going to post phone his trip until after his 16th birthday next year!

It’s safeguarding gone nuts isn’t it.

That’s just weird, the buses and tube is full of children getting to school all across london on their own from 11 years old and many travel a long way (to private and grammar schools).
Many also regularly go into Central London, Camden Market etc etc it’s just what you do when you grow up in London.
Obviously if your aren’t as familiar with London with it it’s going to be a bit more of a challenge but at 15 I would expect most to be fine.
Well done him on having a plan. Perhaps he could go with a friend.

I guess it really depends on your own judgement as to his common sense, navigation abilities and maturity.

I live an hour from London and used to save up my paper round and baby sitting money to go to Camden with a friend from my class, at aged 14 / 15. But I was always known to be sensible and mature, an example of that, I was babysitting a 3-week old baby at 14 (crazy eh?!). So yeah, London wasn't a big deal, although I doubt I was have been allowed to go alone, bearing in mind this was before mobile phones.

You should be proud that you've got such an independent and confident DS BTW. 😊

@Clavinova Oooh. You make some good points there. It could be innocent, but you're right, there could be more too this and OP should do some more dogging.

I think the better question is why wouldn't you let a 15 year old go into a city alone? it isn't A city though, its a city 170 mes away and OP has said herself he's quite young headed.
I suspect the Mum doesn't know and he's meeting someone off the Internet has gone through their heads.

Another Londoner who’s never stopped and thought whether this was okay. I mean, if you don’t go out in London when you live in London, where are you meant to go?! well yes, but London ISN'T his nearest city as he lived in the North West 170 miles away

*Digging.

Not dogging. Now there's a typo to behold. 😂

OP might wanna do dogging but I don't think it's gonna help uncover this particular plot.

Given he's given the idea up so easily, hopefully it was just something he thought would be fun. Nothing wrong with going to the theatre alone but it does sound like half a date and that would worry me

It depends on the child really. How far are you away from London? Also as your son has done the trip before and if you consider him to be mature enough I don't see what business it is of the schools.

Why does he want to eat in Bella Pasta on his own rather than grab a burger? I would be worried he was planning to meet someone.

Because he doesn’t like burgers although he does like chicken nuggets from Burger King. But calling to BK at Euston to grab tea is what we always do before getting the train sohe wouldn’t go there twice in one day

On the numerous occasions we’ve been to see a show on his own we always go to an Italian on Leicester Square. I have steak, Dd has pasta & Ds has pizza. His Dad took him to the Bella on Leicester Square last time they went together.

I think he sounds very sensible! But yes maybe wait until hes 16 so he can get into the performance without issue. We went on a school trip to London, I was in year 9 and we were left to do what we wanted with my friends big sister who was in year 11. I also went to Paris (disneyland) for 3 nights for my 16th birthday with my boyfriend on our own with a local coach trip tour that was back in 1999 though.

He took his girlfriend to the theatre locally a couple of weeks ago. She’d never been to see a professional show and a friend of dh’s was playing the lead role so we went as a family and he and his girlfriend then went again.

Why does the op say she has full access to his social media account if he's so sensible for his age?

I still have access to dd’s although now she is 17 and living away from home to attend college I never look at hers.

He took his girlfriend to the theatre locally a couple of weeks ago

Odd that you didn't mention her before.
Doesn't he mind you looking at his social media account when he has a girlfriend?

Why would I have needed to mention her?

I’ve aleays had the rule from when they had their first smart phone that I had full access. It was advised by his previous school in a parent’s internet safety talk they held for all year 7 parents.

Why would I have needed to mention her? because it makes it much less likely he's being groomed to meet a "25 year old girl" who is actually an adult looking for children to abuse.

*15

My previous post should read on the numerous occasions we’ve been to see a show as a family we always go to anItalian in Leicester Square.

Why would I have needed to mention her?

I think you mentioned earlier that his friends couldn't afford to go with him.

It was advised by his previous school in a parent’s internet safety talk they held for all year 7 parents

But you think it's odd that his current school have contacted you now?

Yes I mentioned his friends. He has two groups of friends, a group from school, mostly girls including his girlfriend (her mum apparently doesn’t know they are going out) not that I believe that although they do mostly go places as a group and also a smaller group of friends, boys and girls from his theatre group.

Am I missing something? I don't understand what it has to do with the school and why they would call you about this? Something isn't right here.

He has two groups of friends, a group from school, mostly girls

I can understand why the school might be worried he was planning to meet a stranger on his own - 170 miles away in London.

As family this is a history of our London visits

Feb 2019 - 1 night stay - Come From Away
Dec 2018 - day trip - 42nd Street
Aug 2018 - 2 night stay - Jamie & Dreamgirls
Feb 2018 - 2 night stay- Hamilton & Phantom
Aug 2017 - 2 night stay - American in Paris & Kinky Boots
Sept 2016 - 1 night stay - Wembley Cup
Aug 2014- 2 night stay Charlie & Choc & Billy Elliot
Aug 2013 - stayed outside London - museum visit
Aug 2012 - 2 night stay - Railway Chidren & Les Mis
Aug 2012 - 2 night stay Mamma Mia

There are IMO two issues here.

I live just outside London and my sixteen year old regularly travels into the city and often alone. I don’t have an issue with this, but you do have to be streetwise. He was very recently almost mugged by two men claiming to be homeless who tried to grab him and make him go with them. Fortunately the owner of a nearby shop intervened and I reported the incident to the police but a child not used to travelling around the city alone could easily have been unsettled by that.

My other concern however would be that the school felt the need to call you as they clearly have concerns. And IMO the concern isn’t so much that he was planning to London but the fact that you were unaware of this plan. Why is that? Why has your DS not communicated to you what he was planning to do and when until he was confronted with the fact through a phone call from the school. That would concern me more than the fact he wanted to go tbh. And pricing up the tickets is fine but again he hasn’t taken account of the fact that he won’t be allowed into the theatre under the age of sixteen.

I wonder whether he has actually been embellishing what he’s doing at school in order to make him look different to how he is perceived, and I would be wondering about that. ESP given he’s given up the idea so readily iyswim.

Re access to social media, there is obviously a vast difference to being able to access a child’s social media and accessing it. I have access to my sixteen year old’s social media should I ever want it. Don’t though, so it’s not an issue.....

As family this is a history of our London visits

But the school don't know any of this - and they care about your son's welfare - so they phoned you.

Why don't you offer to pay for your ds to take a friend with him as a birthday treat? The girlfriend would be a problem if her parents don't know she has a boyfriend.

I think he had only come up with the plan that day.

He had birthday & Christmas money which he was going to spend on a musical instrument. A couple of days before the MD of his theatre group offered to give him an instrument they had spare to start him off.

He’s wanted to see BoM for years. First I said he was too young. Then he went and bought the playscript from Foyles and last summer an ex cast member did a dance workshop. He’s since taught himself the tap routine from the show from YouTube.

He knows we won’t take him to seeit in London because Dh and I already saw it and we have the tour booked.