Would you let your 15 year old go on a day trip to London alone?

[Comefromaway]

Just before he broke up for half term I had a phone call from ds’s school. His head of year was very concerned because he’d told a member of staff that he was planning to spend his birthday money going to London on a train to watch a West End show!

I of course made all the right noises, promised to speak to him. Explained that we were actually planning a family West End trip and we go approx once or twice a year. The head of year said he’d told her he’d been in London alone before and they were concerned. I assured her that had never been the case. (Turned our he meant last year when dd and dh went to get sushi, I went to a jacket potato place and he went to Burger King in Leicester Square and we met up 15 mins later outside the Lego shop.

So I spoke to ds and it turns out he was serious. He said yes I was going to tell you. I’ve done the maths worked out how much the train and tube will cost I looked up the price of tickets for the Saturday matinee and I have enough left over for lunch at Bella in Leicester Square at 12.30 before the show starts at 2.30. I was quite impressed to be honest. However I pointed out that pretty much all West End theatres have a no unaccompanied children under 16 policy (and he looks young for his age)

But AIBU to think there are worse things a 15 year old could plan? The school was treating going to London like it was Syria or somewhere!

The upshot is that he is going to post phone his trip until after his 16th birthday next year!

Actually the 170 miles has sunk in a little.

From full on astoundment at school calling I now think a very light touch ‘just checking you know’ type call makes a bit of sense to me. Lots of us are describing travelling in and around and to London younger than 15 when we were a lot closer/did it routinely - yes before mobiles).

But it doesn’t sound as if this was the tenor of the call at all. So I remain surprised the school was worried once you had kind of expressed no concern yourself.

Yesican imagine they were worried he was going to become a missing child. But fib he was going to run away he wouldn’t tell a teacher his exact itinerary in advance would he🤔

I did laugh and think WTAF at first, but...

I guess when you live 170 miles away, a 14/15 yo doing a solo trip to London is probably a bit worrying to you if you rarely go outside your own little village and the news about teen knife crime etc in London is pretty shocking.

At least the school gives a damn about their students.

Plus, all hell would break out if the teachers knew but hadn’t said anything and a kid went missing.

Would I let him?...

14 no
16 yes

...so, I guess somewhere in there I’d have to be fine with them doing it and given he’s got a plan other than just roaming about I’d let him go in the summer holidays.

Hmm. If he's an astute, mature 15 yes, fine. I'm in London & it's scary how predatory men are to my neighbours 15year old daughter. We had to have a chat that people's motives might not be friendly. Recently, 28 Yr old builder, a mid 30's hairdresser, early 40's guy at bus stop all very actively made friendly (that then turned sexual) overtures. She's v street savvy on most stuff until it comes to men, then she gets flattered: & caution/logic goes out the window.

Do they think he might be gay?

WTAF?

Your son has great taste in musicals !
But if it’s Book Of Mormon he’s planning to see I don’t think they’d allow unaccompanied under 16s in- the language In it! *clutches pearls

With new ‘safeguarding’ requirements and training I think there will be a lot more of this kind of reaction to things which is not all a bad thing.

I put ‘safeguarding’ In inverted cos it’s a very particular phrase from the family and criminal Barband is wholly misused and misunderstood by many and some media etc. Misunderstanding causes more difficulty in the area.

Actually I just had a look to see if BoM* is touring soon and apparently it’s playing in Manchester from June! Would that work out for him?

*assuming that’s what it is from the Ugandan comment.

I used to go on day trips to London on my own from 12 yrs old and I was living in London on my own from 16*. It's ludicrous that the school are concerned about an NT 15 year old going to London alone.

As for Clavinova's post, words fail me.

*Just for info, my parents lived on the south coast and I had very little contact with them once I left home at 16.

No they don’t allow unaccompanied under 16’s in Lafayette (they don’t in most West End Theatres).

We saw Hamilton last year along with Phantom, Jamie & Dreamgirls. Then this year has been 42nd Street (just before it closed and yesterday Come From Away.

We’ve already got tickets for Manchester. He said he wanted to compare the London & touring productions. Dh and I saw it alone several years ago when the kids were too young.

I am glad the school care. It is on an area where people tend never to move away and everyone knows everyone.

Your son sounds like he's got it all figured out and sounds like he's got his head on right. It sounds like a fantastic time to be had and very exciting to me now at 42 never mind his age
At his age and younger I was regularly getting the coach or train to Norfolk from Manchester and off to festivals. At 16 I went to Norfolk then on to Cornwall with my then boyfriend for 2 weeks camping. Christ knows how I talked my parents into that one. No way I'd let my daughter do the same in 4 years time.

Fucking terrorists have scared me so much I won't go to London or Manchester anymore. I live near Manchester and won't go in. Love London but never seen much of it as only visited a few times. Wish I didn't have the fear as so much I'd like to see but I'm all my son has and won't take any unnecessary risks now. I know people will say I'm letting them win and I could get killed crossing the road etc but to me any risk I don't have to take is unnecessary. Being a single parent has changed me a great deal, especially since the London attacks and Manchester arena bomb.

Oh to be young and carefree again! I hope your son has a fantastic time

When I was 16 and my friend 15 we got on a coach (to be fair it was an organised trip I booked at WHSmith Travel) to London to see the then new production of Miss Saigon. It was in the middle of all the IRA stuff.

My parents were nervous we had no mobile phones just an A-Z map of London and we had a great time arriving home in the early hours of the morning.

I grew up in London so no idea why it's such a big deal

This is the case I was thinking of;

www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2015/jan/12/lewis-daynes-stabbed-breck-bednar-essex-sentenced-chelmsford-crown-court

Perhaps the school are worried he's planning to meet someone in London? He might have made a 15 year old friend online who turns out to be 30. On the recent BBC2 documentary series School - a 15 year old boy had signed himself up to Tinder to meet a boyfriend.

I think the school did the right thing in phoning you.

My eldest dc aged 16 goes into London all the time - with friends.

Unfortunately I don't find it odd that the school are concerned. I don't see anything too wrong in it. It depends how far you are from London, but some of my DDs friends were doing this at 14/15, though in groups. They were just as organised & were fine.

Your DSs trip might be innocent, but unfortunately there are unscrupulous people using kids to run around on trains carrying drugs. A friends 14yo DS was targeted & frightened by heavies & gad knows what into skipping school & drug running. He was arrested on a train with a large amount of cocaine & it's been all hell let loose since then. He's a good kid, if anyone had asked me which of our friends kids might get involved with something like that, he would have been the very last one I would expect.

I'm sure the school are aware of this sort of stuff, hence their concern

For those who grew up in or near London and think its fine cos you did it...
OP lives 170 miles away. And I suspect that the number of kids being stabbed in London laty is higher than when yo u were younger.

I do have full access to all his social media and I can track his phone.

Yep I'd let him.
My d's used to go so the time at that age and went to London pride at 16 with his school lgbt club (no teachers, a student only thing) . We live around 50 mins away by fast train.

It's easy to get around, lots to see etc.
School are being ott.

And I suspect that the number of kids being stabbed in London lately is higher than when yo u were younger.

I'm guessing you don't know London too well...

OP's son is going to the theatre - the West End. Full of tourists and one of the richest areas in London. That's not where the stabbings happen.

The stabbings happen in poorer, residential areas, like Lambeth and Newham. OP's son won't be going anywhere near them.

Yes I would. I grew up in the ‘burbs and regularly got the bus then tube to Camden, this was from age about 12. It was awesome. I didn’t often do it alone at that age but by 14/15 I certainly was.

I now live 200-odd miles away. My kids are too young at the moment but I wouldn’t be worried about them going at 15. While it’s true we’re much further away and I’ve heard a lot about stabbings that I don’t recall from my youth, they’ll also have mobiles and be contactable and are much more cautious than I ever was. My mum just got told ‘I’m going to London see you later’ and I’d reverse call if I thought I’d be later than expected!

What the hell business is it of the schools?!

My dd was going to glasgow herself/with friends same age at 14/15 on the train to go shopping/cinema/museums etc perfectly normal thing imo and I'd be more concerned at a person this age who COULDN'T organise such a trip.

Geez my generation left school at 16 and went to work full time commuting daily into cities, I have friends who went inter-railing across Europe at that age ffs! I was living in the south at that age and regularly going to London for the day either alone or with similarly aged friends.

My Parents were 14 when they left school and did similar.

Why are they infantilising young people and why do they feel they have the right to question the parents? I'd have told them it was none of their damn business!

"To be fair we do live about 170 miles away!" So 2.5/3 hours by train ? I still don't see a problem. I was going to glasgow from south of England myself to see family at 15/16.

You see a lot of grown adults posting here about going to London like it’s going to be some terrifying, danger ridden ordeal. Maybe ‘the school’ isn’t actually worried and it’s just that his head of year is one of those people who think London is all stabbings and bombs and thieves and so on.