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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you let your 15 year old go on a day trip to London alone?

222 replies

Comefromaway · 24/02/2019 20:31

Just before he broke up for half term I had a phone call from ds’s school. His head of year was very concerned because he’d told a member of staff that he was planning to spend his birthday money going to London on a train to watch a West End show!

I of course made all the right noises, promised to speak to him. Explained that we were actually planning a family West End trip and we go approx once or twice a year. The head of year said he’d told her he’d been in London alone before and they were concerned. I assured her that had never been the case. (Turned our he meant last year when dd and dh went to get sushi, I went to a jacket potato place and he went to Burger King in Leicester Square and we met up 15 mins later outside the Lego shop.

So I spoke to ds and it turns out he was serious. He said yes I was going to tell you. I’ve done the maths worked out how much the train and tube will cost I looked up the price of tickets for the Saturday matinee and I have enough left over for lunch at Bella in Leicester Square at 12.30 before the show starts at 2.30. I was quite impressed to be honest. However I pointed out that pretty much all West End theatres have a no unaccompanied children under 16 policy (and he looks young for his age)

But AIBU to think there are worse things a 15 year old could plan? The school was treating going to London like it was Syria or somewhere!

The upshot is that he is going to post phone his trip until after his 16th birthday next year!

OP posts:
BrizzleMint · 25/02/2019 03:02

I think the school probably checked with you just in case he was meeting somebody from online.

Roxyxoxo · 25/02/2019 04:03

You know your son best. I was a nervous homebird at 15 so wouldn’t have been safe going on my own at 15; but I have friends who would have been absolutely fine. If you are a bit worried, could you maybe go with him? Not to babysit obviously, but it sounds like he is passionate about the theatre so could be a lovely way to bond and take an interest (which I’m sure you do now anyway!)

hinely · 25/02/2019 04:06

Haven't read the thread, but the school told you because if they hadn't and he'd secretly gone and got into trouble then school could've been blamed for knowingly not protecting a minor.

sallievp · 25/02/2019 04:29

Your ds sounds lovely sensible and responsible. I would def let him go buy check with the theatre first so make sure under 16s are ok.
Msybe he could agree to call you at set times throughout the day.
Whst a great trip for him!

Littlechocola · 25/02/2019 04:33

He sounds great.

BestZebbie · 25/02/2019 04:38

I went to London alone at 15 for a day trip (and Berlin with a friend at 16 for a weekend) - I think he'd be fine.

BertrandRussell · 25/02/2019 06:08

“I wonder if the school think he's met someone online? Do they think he might be gay?”

Because he likes musical theatre? Grin it’s not the Wizard of Oz he’s going to see!

earlyrisingcat · 25/02/2019 06:19

@Comefromaway

I was going to be all over this with 'nah he's too young!' But after I read about how he has planned it all and sorted the costings and suchlike, and the fact he is 15 (and sounds like a mature 15,) I'd say yes.

Afternoon show, no overnight stay, sounds grown for his age, why not? Smile I went on a trip to London (alone) on a bus from the North West of England, when I was 16, (only a year older!) So yeah it should be OK.

Just make sure he texts you a couple of times during the day with updates/to let you know he's OK, and then texts you when he is safely on the train back home.

It's a worry, but they have to spread their wings eventually. Smile

Wait til he's in uni, and he's backpacking across eastern Europe, or South America. Save your freaking out and fretting til then! joking Grin a bit

London is a great place to visit, and West End hows are fab! He will have a great time.

Mistigri · 25/02/2019 06:20

I think the better question is why wouldn't you let a 15 year old go into a city alone? It's odd that the school got involved but perhaps they were worried about grooming or something.

cauliflowersqueeze · 25/02/2019 06:23

Of course school did the right thing by alerting the OP. Schools have to continually cover their arses. Imagine if he went and disappeared, and school knew he was planning to travel nearly 200 miles alone into the capital city from a place where everyone knows everyone. And then they said “oh yes we knew he was planning that but we didn’t think to alert you”. People would be livid. He has already said to people he has been in London alone (they weren’t to know he was only alone for 15 minutes.). Plus at the back of their minds they have the footage from kids like Andrew Gosden who go to London on a trip and are never seen again.

Context is everything. Some kids growing up in London roam around quite happily from the age of about 10/12. For others who don’t know their way about and are not very streetwise it could be more of an issue. It’s up to the OP to decide to what extent she thinks her son is OK.

Certainly as a school, with a 15 year old on a trip, we wouldn’t have them unaccompanied for more than about 45 minutes (“meet back here at xx time”).

HennyPennyHorror · 25/02/2019 06:25

It's not quite the same but my DD has been heading into the big city with her mates on the train (an hour away) since she was 14.

We're in Oz...our nearest city is the equivalent of Manchester in size and demographics.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 25/02/2019 06:29

I used to bunk school
Sometimes his age and head to the bright city lights and loiter around Leicester square with my best friend Smile

HeyCarrieAnneWhatsYourGame · 25/02/2019 06:31

Another Londoner who’s never stopped and thought whether this was okay. I mean, if you don’t go out in London when you live in London, where are you meant to go?!

PregnantSea · 25/02/2019 06:43

I find it very odd that the school called you to tell you that. He's talking about going to see a west end show in the middle of the day, having lunch and then coming home... Your DS sounds sensible enough, seeing as how he's already planned the whole thing, why shouldn't he go? Is there a concern that he will be snatched away to join a gang of street rats and have to sing it's a hard knock life for gruel money?

I know it's a cliche but I really do think that we wrap kids in cotton wool these days... I would completely ignore what the staff at the school have said, since it's none of their business, and just make the decision that you think is best.

Snog · 25/02/2019 06:55

We are 50mins from London. My dd would go with a friend from the age of 12.
At this age the rule was that she had to be home by 6 or 7pm.

havingtochangeusernameagain · 25/02/2019 08:01

Fine at 15. My ds was going to go last year when he was 15 to meet some friends who live in Kent (we are in Hampshire). But it was the other parents who put a stop to it as some of their children were 13/14 so they didn't allow it, even in a group.

I was mildly concerned but DH works in London anyway so if push came to shove and he needed help, ds could have gone to DH's work.

The school's attitude is rather strange. How do they think kids get to school in London?

Cheetahssitonfajitas · 25/02/2019 08:06

I used to go once every few months on my own at 15 (maybe even 14?). An hour on the train to waterloo then I'd go to Camden, Kensington market, southbank... I looked a lot younger too. But my mum was super casual, I was really independent (got a flat on my own at 16) it was 25 years ago, and I probably wouldn't let DS do the same!

Pk37 · 25/02/2019 08:15

Another Londoner who used to bunk off and spend the day in central with a friend. Think we were 13/14 .
Ds started going on his own from 15 with friends .
It’s really not that bad.
Can’t believe the school took time to phone you about it

HeronLanyon · 25/02/2019 08:23

I really have gone from shock and scorn to some understanding.

If a teacher is told by a 15 year old student that they have a well planned trip to London 170 miles away for a day on their own and doesn’t say anything about parent/S knowing about it it’s right for a small alarm bell to ring and be silenced by a quick call.

Sounds like teacher In this case went ott about it but first instinct to call was right I now think.

I’m at the criminal bar and have had to deal with too many cases involving, one way or another, and some of them very tragic, kids who have upped and offed and no one picked up on warning signs etc.

My first reaction was scorn as a Londoner who always had remarkable freedom and independence as a kid here.

zingally · 25/02/2019 08:26

I wouldn't have had the confidence at that age, so good for him! He sounds like a sensible lad as well, pricing it all up!

I'm a bit surprised the school phoned you about this, TBH. I also work in a school, and I'm all for safeguarding, but this seems excessive. Honestly, a matinee west end show and a lunch are hardly dangerous territory. I mean, he'll be safely ensconced in a theatre seat for most of his day out!

flumpybear · 25/02/2019 08:28

When I was at school we went by school coach to see a west end show. We got there really early so our stupid teacher said 'go have a look around for 45 mins and come back

Our group of four got completely lost ... we were 15-16 at the time - stupid bloody woman!

No I wouldn't let a child walk around London alone there are too many risks

CherryPavlova · 25/02/2019 08:30

Odd to want to go on his own.
Odd for school to show any concern at all unless he has wider social problems.
Certainly odd for school to contact you.

A fifteen year old going to a city isn’t exactly pioneering stuff.

highheelsandbobblehats · 25/02/2019 08:31

I grew up in London. I was going into the centre at 11. London can seem scary if you're not used to it. Surprised the school rang you, but if they're in the 'scary big city' camp, it will seem like a big deal to them.

My best friends are all country bumpkins (by their own admission) and even in their 30s are nervous about London and the Tube.

BertrandRussell · 25/02/2019 08:31

Why on earth is it odd to want to go on his own?

Clavinova · 25/02/2019 08:37

But after I read about how he has planned it all and sorted the costings and suchlike, and the fact he is 15

Sorry, but this whole scenario has got the possibility of grooming stamped all over it.

How do we know that someone else hasn't planned the trip for him - a 30 year old man posing as a 15 year boy online? And yes, I did think it was possible he was planning to meet another boy (who wasn't who he was pretending to be) - because he likes musical theatre and wants to travel 170 miles on his own to watch a West End Show...

And he hadn't yet told his parents what he was planning to do.

Why does he want to eat in Bella Pasta on his own rather than grab a burger? I would be worried he was planning to meet someone.

Why does the op say she has full access to his social media account if he's so sensible for his age?

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