Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend slept with a stag on night out

489 replies

HopeDog · 22/02/2019 11:50

On a night out recently and a friend starting chatting to a group of men on a stag night. She ended up going back to a hotel with, and had sex with the stag.

She thinks she is bu as she is single.

Aibu to think she is wrong?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 22/02/2019 13:13

If you know someone is in a relationship and you sleep with them then that at best shows you have pretty low morals.

It takes two to tango and she chose to do it with someone she knew was in a relationship. I can’t see how that can be justifiable.

JacquesHammer · 22/02/2019 13:14

it’s a dick move to provide the opportunity for the drunken twat to cheat on his STB wife

Seriously? He could have said no...

AgeBeforeBeauty · 22/02/2019 13:15

What goes around, comes around ... hope she would be fine for her soon-to-be husband to behave the same way before her wedding (hypothetically of course).

CripsSandwiches · 22/02/2019 13:17

He is obviously 100 times worse than her. What he's done has betrayed the trust of someone who he presumably loves and loves him just at the moment they're committing to each other. She was complicit but she had no responsibility to anyone in the situation (and to be honest if he wanted to cheat would have done so with someone else anyway), she hasn't broken any promises. I wouldn't have done what she did and I don't think it's very nice but can't be compared to what he's done.

mooncuplanding · 22/02/2019 13:23

Girl code is a thing for me though. Females share certain things, mainly childbirth and the 'consequences' of that (e.g. single parenthood, being 'the one') and a woman who doesn't take that into account is a loser to me.

Your friend has no idea if this guy has children. But chose not to care. Women have to take responsibility for this too. Who would these men shag if women did take that stance?

It's not a defamation to feminism to say that. Quite the opposite.

hazandduck · 22/02/2019 13:27

@Agebeforebeauty but I’m guessing the friend probably would be ok with it, as she obviously doesn’t care much about fidelity.

Going against the grain here but if I found out my husband had slept with someone on his stag it wouldn’t actually bother me. They are force fed alcohol half the time and encouraged on all sides to have their ‘last bit of freedom.’ It certainly wouldn’t break my heart, I’d think well he made a drunken mistake. Think I’m in the minority here though and having talked to my DH about it he doesn’t agree with me at all!

I genuinely believe this kind of thing goes on at the majority of stag and hen dos.

JacquesHammer · 22/02/2019 13:29

Women have to take responsibility for this too

Women NEVER have to take responsibility for a man’s behaviour.

JasperKarat · 22/02/2019 13:29

This isn't about gender, it's morally questionable to sleep with someone you know it's in a relationship. He is a cheating cunt but she is an arsehole too. She's not to blame for him cheating he chose that, but she is to blame for her own actions, she chose to have sex with someone in a relationship. I wouldn't be friends with someone with that kind of moral code.

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney · 22/02/2019 13:31

@JacquesHammer no but she should take responsibility for her own! They both knew he wasn't single, they're both equally responsible.

Shoxfordian · 22/02/2019 13:33

She's single so she isn't breaking any promises to anyone. He's obviously a knob

YellowLilies · 22/02/2019 13:34

Would never be able to respect someone like that so that would be our friendship over.
What a cow!

And I hope the poor bride to be finds out too before she marries the shit who cheated on her!

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 22/02/2019 13:39

He is definitely a knob of the highest order.

She is not a very nice person either. If this was my "friend" I would suspect that if an occasion were to arise with her and DH shagging she wouldn't think twice. Of course it would be game over with DH as he has betrayed my trust but I would probably want to lamp her too as she was an active participant.

mooncuplanding · 22/02/2019 13:39

Women NEVER have to take responsibility for a man’s behaviour.

I think you are missing the point. If you are saying that women are unable to take responsibility for their own behaviour and the impact their behaviour has on others and indeed never should take responsibility, then that is really sad

It's such a cop out to say she has no responsibility in this situation

ConkerGame · 22/02/2019 13:41

I’ve never understood the logic behind the argument that “she doesn’t know the bride so she doesn’t owe her anything”.

Plenty of criminals don’t know the victims of their crimes but we don’t turn around and say “oh it’s ok, he didn’t know the person he robbed/defrauded/attacked, so he doesn’t owe them anything”! That would be ridiculous!

Everyone knows that being cheated on is a horrible, painful experience to happen to someone. Therefore if you knowingly hook up with someone who you know is attached, you knowingly cause horrible pain to someone else. Yes it’s worse if you know that person but even if they are a complete stranger to you, it still makes you a dick and I would not be your friend as you clearly have low morals and think nothing of hurting others. That applies whether you’re a man or a woman.

MashedSpud · 22/02/2019 13:41

He’s disgusting and she knew he was getting married so she’s a sly bitch.
We are mammals yes but we aren’t dogs who go into heat and can’t help but shag anything with a pulse. We have choices and they both made poor ones.

arethereanyleftatall · 22/02/2019 13:41

They are both (probably) arseholes.

Mind, the only person you know for sure is an arsehole; is your friend.
She would no longer be my friend. She puts her own needs before others, so is selfish, self absorbed, isn't kind, is insecure, and has low morals. Not characteristics I'd look for in a friend.

The bloke is either an arsehole, or like someone up thread wrote, has realised (a bit late but not too late) that his fiancée is not for him, and has now ended it. Dh once went on a stag do, when the stag realised on the stag do that she wasn't the right woman for him. He ended it the same day.

TokyoSushi · 22/02/2019 13:44

Nope, grim, you don't do that

mooncuplanding · 22/02/2019 13:44

She's single so she isn't breaking any promises to anyone

Said by someone who clearly is unable to process the hurt and pain they are potentially causing to another woman. I see that as breaking the girl code.

The first thought I would have if involved in this gross encounter would be of that woman excited to be getting married to him. And I would not want to be responsible in any way for her hurt...because I would be!

CripsSandwiches · 22/02/2019 13:45

babydarling no they are not equally responsible that's ridiculous. He is the most responsible because he chose to enter a monogamous relationship where he wouldn't be able to randomly sleep with people, she did not. He has a responsibility to his soon to be wife. This other girl does not. I wouldn't sleep with someone in a relationship personally but if I was cheated on I'd be angry at my partner not some random who doesn't even know me. You can't rely on women refusing to sleep with taken guys - that's absurd - the guy himself has to be faithful.

newmun · 22/02/2019 13:46

Definitely a skank!

pinkgloves · 22/02/2019 13:46

That's grim.

CripsSandwiches · 22/02/2019 13:48

Some of these comments and down right stupid suggesting that maybe this guy isn't so bad if he suddenly realised his fiance wasn't for him. Yet your friend is definitely an arsehole.

Even if the stag realised his fiance isn't for him he's still a dick and 100% at fault. If at this late stage you want to all off your wedding you don't cheat on the stag night you talk to your partner and let her down with as much dignity as possible

pinkgloves · 22/02/2019 13:49

Of course the friends is in the wrong!! What kind of skanky cow sleeps with an attached man? You can't whine about it happening to you if you're prepared to do it yourself.

God some people have really low standards and no empathy or social responsibility. I'm glad not everyone is as selfish and uncaring as many people on this thread seem to be!

JacquesHammer · 22/02/2019 13:53

I see that as breaking the girl code

I see “girl code” as a trite myth

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 22/02/2019 13:54

Oh deer! I'm staggered to hear what she did and, no, I doe - n't think you are being unreasonable!

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.