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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend slept with a stag on night out

489 replies

HopeDog · 22/02/2019 11:50

On a night out recently and a friend starting chatting to a group of men on a stag night. She ended up going back to a hotel with, and had sex with the stag.

She thinks she is bu as she is single.

Aibu to think she is wrong?

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/02/2019 14:32

I'd be just as pissed off with a male friend who'd shagged a bride-to-be on her hen night, tbh.

It's just low moral standards. There are so many single people out there, why even consider one who is in a long term relationship and about to take vows of fidelity to another person?

I get that some see it as a challenge (which says an awful lot about them and their own self-worth) but other than that, it's just a skanky thing to do, male or female.

TheTitOfTheIceberg · 22/02/2019 14:33

Women shouldn't have to make it less easy for men to "get their dicks wet" as was stated upthread. Men need to accountable for their own choices, and also accountable for the pressure they put on each other to act this way.

If you're going to quote me, LoudBatPerson, then please include the part where I said Of course the guy has a responsibility to say "no thanks, I'm in a relationship".

MyBreadIsEggy · 22/02/2019 14:34

It’s fucking grim on both their parts.
She knew he’s the stag and about to be married, and he willingly cheated on his bride to be.

Had she met him and slept with him not knowing he has a partner, then that’s very different, but she did it knowing full well that he would be cheating. I have no respect for women who knowingly sleep with married/attached men Hmm

BartonHollow · 22/02/2019 14:46

@thecatsthecats

That's a great post. I'm sorry your DH has been through this your post really resonated with me because so have I

My friendship with my best friend has deteriorated due to shitty, selfish and me, me, me ego behaviour on her side

But when I looked back I realised she had ALWAYS been like that and I'd just repeatedly excused it or not noticed it because it didn't ever impact me before

Wedgiecar58 · 22/02/2019 14:48

What a bitch. Hope this happens to her one day!

AryaStarkWolf · 22/02/2019 14:50

Women placing responsibility for a man's infidelity at the door of another women is a master stroke of patriarchal society in action.

It shouldn't be a gender thing though because it works the other way too, if it were a single guy with a married woman. I do agree that it should be a human decency thing rather than "girl code" though

LoudBatPerson · 22/02/2019 14:53

If you're going to quote me, LoudBatPerson, then please include the part where I said Of course, the guy has a responsibility to say "no thanks, I'm in a relationship".

^ Saying that doesn't negate the fact you are still putting responsibility at women's doors to not let men cheat, by saying women have to behave a certain way to prevent male behaviour.

The whole scenario wouldn't have happened is the man (presuming the relationship is a monogamous one) had stuck to his commitment. Women should not have to police that behaviour or make it harder for a man to cheat, it should be down to the committed person.

JacquesHammer · 22/02/2019 14:55

What a bitch. Hope this happens to her one day!

And what about him, you know the guy who actually cheated.

The double standards is not surprising.

Whilst some have criticised the only one out of the two in a relationship, the way the woman is described is just depressing. "Skanky", "bitch".

burntdinner · 22/02/2019 15:01

He's about to get married therefore he's not available
He's wrong
She's wrong
Both vile creatures

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 22/02/2019 15:04

Obviously he's the one in the relationship and he's to blame.Your friend has no loyalty to the bride however I just don't understand how people can sleep with someone knowing they've got a partner.

I would have lost all respect for your friend and would back off a bit. I'd say that if it were a bride who slept with a male friend, both of them are revolting, however it is the person in the relationship who is the worst.

LonelyMouse · 22/02/2019 15:13

The poor bride. They're both disgusting people.

She may be single but I couldn't be friends with someone who could do something like this and doesn't feel bad about it. I also couldn't trust her in the future if she has this attitude towards sleeping with other people's partners and lacks the ability to see the hurt she may help cause.

ADropofReality · 22/02/2019 15:19

LoudBatPerson

And how about them both being responsible? He's on his stag, he should know not to chase other women. She found out he was a husband-to-be on his stag, she should have said no. Both have behaved appallingly.

Cheeeeislifenow · 22/02/2019 15:20

*What a bitch. Hope this happens to her one day!

And what about him, you know the guy who actually cheated.

The double standards is not surprising.

Whilst some have criticised the only one out of the two in a relationship, the way the woman is described is just depressing. "Skanky", "bitch".*

The aibu isn't about the man it goes without saying he is a disgusting sleaze....the discussion is about the woman

greendale17 · 22/02/2019 15:22

Your friend is a bit skanky to be honest op, if she knew he was the stag then she will know he's obviously getting married soon...I know it takes two to tango and it's his fault too, but your friend made it easy by being easy and sleeping with someone elses fella

^Comlletely agree. Your friend is a desperate, no morals, skank

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 22/02/2019 15:22

JacquesHammer But the bigger picture is he may indeed lose everything for shagging her. He has potentially stuffed up his marriage.

ADropofReality Friend went over to the stag party. The Stag didn’t chase her.
She’s done it for the kicks despite knowing it’s a shit thing to do. She could always have changed her mind as easily as he could off said no. But she didn’t because she can get away with it.

buttercupsyruplove · 22/02/2019 15:24

Well he was obviously just looking for a whole to shoot into wasn't he and she's provided it. They both sound really skanky tbf

buttercupsyruplove · 22/02/2019 15:24

*hole!

JacquesHammer · 22/02/2019 15:24

But the bigger picture is he may indeed lose everything for shagging her. He has potentially stuffed up his marriage

Sure - that's his problem. He should have thought of that before sleeping around.

His behaviour is solely his own remit.

Dimsumlosesum · 22/02/2019 15:27

Not nice people.

IvanaPee · 22/02/2019 15:29

He’s 100% responsible for his own behavior and it’s not up to women to try to manage the behaviour of men by altering our own.

Your friend has different morals to mine. I wouldn’t sleep with a man about to get married. But I also never went in for one night stands.

That doesn’t mean they’re wrong. People have different lines in the sand for what they’re comfortable doing.

But this act of women not “putting it out there for men” can frankly fuck of!

Men are perfectly capable (or should be) of managing themselves. And if he wasn’t a cheat, she could have stripped naked in front of him and begged for a shag, and he would have said no.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 22/02/2019 15:34

Urgh, how uncivilised. Of both of them. Isn’t the best man supposed to keep an eye out for that type of stupid behaviour and stop him doing something stupid?

Both skanks. I couldn’t carry on being friends with someone whose morals were in the gutter.

Cheeeeislifenow · 22/02/2019 15:35

*Your friend has different morals to mine. I wouldn’t sleep with a man about to get married. But I also never went in for one night stands.

That doesn’t mean they’re wrong. People have different lines in the sand for what they’re comfortable doing. *

But sleeping with someone who you know is attached isn't a different moral code. It is wrong.
Having a ons with a single unattatched person is never wrong, just may not be what you or I would do but
Sleeping with someone who is in a. Relationship and you know it is wrong. How can anyone disagree with that baffles me?

Wedgiecar58 · 22/02/2019 15:38

What a bitch. Hope this happens to her one day!

^And what about him, you know the guy who actually cheated.

The double standards is not surprising.

Whilst some have criticised the only one out of the two in a relationship, the way the woman is described is just depressing. "Skanky", "bitch".^

I would have thought it goes without saying that OBVIOUSLY he is an utter cunt.

I stand by my comment - she is a bitch! Only a heartless bitch would knowingly sleep with another man knowing he is soon to get married to another woman.

If you question that, you have no moral fibre to speak of. And you're stupid. And I hope you also get cheated on, and then see if you think "the woman is innocent, she doesn't know me therefore 'owes me nothing' !"

Wedgiecar58 · 22/02/2019 15:39

Well he was obviously just looking for a whole to shoot into wasn't he and she's provided it. They both sound really skanky tbf

This! OP's friend was nothing more than a spunk bucket to this guy.

WendyCope · 22/02/2019 15:40

He doesn't want to/shouldn't get married.

Lots of men/women feel like this before the Big Day. Lots of people get married when they shouldn't.

Not your friends fault IMO.

Thanks for sharing it on the Internet though, on a public forum. AIBU 'my friend posted my secret for all to see? She thinks she is morally superior to me'

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