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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have my 15 yo occasionally pick up my toddler from Nursery

117 replies

Sharpandshineyteeth · 22/02/2019 07:24

I have recently split with my DP. He has
Left me in the shit regarding work and childcare.

I work an hour away in an unpredictable job that sometimes requires flexible working.

The nursery is down the road, walking distance. WIBU to have my 15yo (16 in April) collect my 3yo on the old occasion I work late.

Nursey provide dinner so I would just get him to bring her home and sit and watch tv or something with her.

I was ill a few months ago and got him to collect her then but they were a bit funny about it.

OP posts:

DocusDiplo · 22/02/2019 07:26

Not unreasonable. Have a word with them. If it IS cos he is under 18 that is ridiculous In my opinion.

itsboiledeggsagain · 22/02/2019 07:26

I would expect a sibling to be able to care for a child fully, not just put the telly on. Like give them some food and get them ready for bed.

I would give my written permission for them to collect too, although I am less certain the nursery would be happy

imanoldbattleaxe · 22/02/2019 07:27

It's fine but the nursery have a duty of care so will probably want to discuss this with you and perhaps have a written agreement. I'm sure if you make them aware of the circumstances they'll come to an arrangement with you.

happystory · 22/02/2019 07:28

They will have a policy about this. Most nurseries will set it at 18, but they may be prepared to negotiate, you need to speak to them.

HariboBrenshnio · 22/02/2019 07:30

My sister is a lot younger than me, and when my son was 3 (he's now 5) she was 15. She was very involved with him from the beginning and did collections from the preschool for me occasionally. You know your teen best and they probably take a paternal role in your toddlers life anyway. I'm surprised the nursery was funny about it, it's your choice who collects your child.

ATBHun · 22/02/2019 07:30

My 11 year old and my 13 year old regularly collect DD 3 from nursery

Their school bus stops outside the nursery, they jump off, collect her and walk the mile home. By the time they get here I’m usually just walking in the door from work.

We are relatively rural though so it’s not that unusual here

NotMyUsualTopBilling · 22/02/2019 07:31

Any setting I've ever worked in hasn't been allowed to hand a child over to an under 18.

Obviously allowances are made for younger parents but they will have provided proof of relationship via birth certificate and identified themselves during the induction phase.

hazeyjane · 22/02/2019 07:32

Most settings will have a policy saying they will only allow someone over 18 (or sometimes 16) to pick up a child.

ATBHun · 22/02/2019 07:32

And they wouldn’t just put her in front of the tv either!

She’s usually sat at the table having a snack when I walk in and one of them is sat with her. Usually on their phones but still supervising her

hazeyjane · 22/02/2019 07:33

My 11 year old and my 13 year old regularly collect DD 3 from nursery

I'm really surprised by this!!

Thereshegoesagain · 22/02/2019 07:34

Our nursery does not let under 18's pick up in any circumstance.

pinkhorse · 22/02/2019 07:35

The ones near me won't let a child be collected by an under 18.

NotMySquirrel · 22/02/2019 07:36

I'm not surprised nursery was funny about it. Generally their policy says an adult has to collect the child and 15 isn't an adult by any standard. You could argue the point - after all, some 15 yos have children of their own- but I would expect the nursery to want it in writing.

FamilyOfAliens · 22/02/2019 07:38

We wouldn’t allow siblings under 18 to collect from our school and that’s pretty much the norm in schools round here.

If she’s regularly caring for her sibling generally, you may want to think about getting in touch with Young Carers, as they can offer support to children with caring responsibilities.

olderthanyouthink · 22/02/2019 07:39

You can have a baby legally by 16 so surely that should be the cut off?

FamilyOfAliens · 22/02/2019 07:39

Sorry, he not she.

MRex · 22/02/2019 07:39

A 15 year old is allowed to babysit children, I used to look after quite a few when I was 15. I'm surprised by the comments about what nurseries will allow when it's legal and safe for a 15yo to look after DD. You might be better searching for a different nursery if they won't let your DS collect DD.

DanglyBangly · 22/02/2019 07:39

They’ll have a policy of no under-18s but they might make an exception if you discuss it with them. Or they might not.

FamilyOfAliens · 22/02/2019 07:40

There’s no age at which it’s “illegal” to have a baby.

Are you thinking about the age of consent?

Original poster

Sharpandshineyteeth · 22/02/2019 07:41

Thank you for the advice. Maybe that’s why they were funny with it, because he just collected her out of the blue. But they did let her go with him.

I’ll speak to them.

I said put her in front of the telly because he’ll have been at school all day and want to unwind himself, not do activities with a toddler. Also after a long day at nursery with activities non stop, there is nothing wrong with watching half and hour of CBeebies when she gets in.

OP posts:

Billballbaggins · 22/02/2019 07:41

Our nursery policy is no under-16s but I’m sure if you speak to them they’ll take your circumstances into account even if their policy is over-18s.

FamilyOfAliens · 22/02/2019 07:42

I'm surprised by the comments about what nurseries will allow when it's legal and safe for a 15yo to look after DD.’

The nursery has its duty of care clearly set out by government legislation, unlike parents in their own home. That’s the difference.

IceRebel · 22/02/2019 07:42

I'm really surprised by this!!

Same here. We don't allow under 18s to collect here.

MRex · 22/02/2019 07:43

@FamilyOfAliens - you're being rather dramatic for a situation where mum says she works late on an odd occasion. I'd expect that siblings at the age of 15 really should take on some responsibilities around the house, childcare of younger ones included, and regardless of whether mum is working or not. She's not talking about a 15 year old doing all the care every day, just an occasional pick-up and dinner.

BlackCatSleeping · 22/02/2019 07:43

My 11 year old and my 13 year old regularly collect DD 3 from nursery

I'm surprised too!

I would be ok with a sibling watching a child at home, but I think walking them home is a bit different. Plus staff often need to communicate with parents at pick up.

But, I suppose all you can do is ask and see what they say.

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