To have my 15 yo occasionally pick up my toddler from Nursery

[Sharpandshineyteeth]

I have recently split with my DP. He has
Left me in the shit regarding work and childcare.

I work an hour away in an unpredictable job that sometimes requires flexible working.

The nursery is down the road, walking distance. WIBU to have my 15yo (16 in April) collect my 3yo on the old occasion I work late.

Nursey provide dinner so I would just get him to bring her home and sit and watch tv or something with her.

I was ill a few months ago and got him to collect her then but they were a bit funny about it.

[nokidshere]

@nokidshere not all brothers and sisters, who do the majority of caring/babysitting for siblings are 16+. It is completely unreasonable and nuts imo

I didn't say I disagreed with you but that's the policy in most childcare establishments. As a pp said, it probably could be arranged where necessary but it's not something that is done routinely. Our local primary school allows children in secondary education to collect their siblings but the local nursery does not.

[zingally]

I believe for most nurseries, they don't allow under 18s to collect. However, talk to them, and they may be able to make a concession. At the VERY least, I imagine they'll need written permission from you, absolving them from any come-back if something were to happen to your little one, while with your teenager.

I'd be very prepared for them to say no though. They have OFSTED and government policies they have to adhere to, regarding safe-guarding etc.

[LunafortJest]

@nokidshere not all brothers and sisters, who do the majority of caring/babysitting for siblings are 16+. It is completely unreasonable and nuts imo.

[nokidshere]

@LunafortJest and of course the parents worked, not privileged at all. I have never minded a child who's parents were at home. We made it work between us but nursery age children had to be collected by someone 16+

[nokidshere]

@LunafortJest it's standard practice in most childcare establishments.

[LunafortJest]

@nokidshere What a very backward, 1940s, anti-women working and anti-feminist stance. You must have worked in very priveleged areas where the mothers were housewives and didn't work, and where both parents didn't work. The real world doesn't work like that.

[nokidshere]

I've worked In many nurseries and in the past 20 yrs from home as a childminder. I have never let a child leave with anyone under the age of 16 (unless it was the parent) as per the policies of every single place I have worked.

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

you know what I mean, pretty hard to have a baby without having sex

And yet to listen to my mother older, she never did anything like that and there were five of us!

[Notasunnybunny]

My ds 14 will occasionally pick up dd 2. Officially he should be 16 but again we are fairly rural and somehow rules are less rigid in many ways in rural communities, he only has to walk a quarter of a mile home.

[needtonamechange2]

same age gap here - I do it all the time! I trust my older dcs 100% - its my business who collects younger ones no one elses

[Idratherhaveacupoftea]

By the time I was 9 I was taking my 5 year old brother to school. At 15 I was commuting up to London every day and working in a full time job.

[notacooldad]

*Roomba

Some nurseries and schools may have policies about children only being collected by 16/18+ year olds. But what do they do if the parents themselves are under that age?
I brought this up but was quite light hearted. I said some of the teens I work with are 18 or under but have toddlers and someone had said the nursery said in no circumstances could some one under 18 pick up. What would they do?

This was the answer
Yes, any circumstances except if it is the under 18’s child. I can’t understand people getting hung up on this point. Of course the exception has to be in place for parents under the age of 18 years
I didn't bother arguing back that making exceptions is contradicting the ,'any circumstances" rule!🤣

[PregnantSea]

I don't think this is unreasonable but I think most nurseries wouldn't allow this.

[Tumbleweed101]

Your best bet is to go in and have a chat with the nursery manager. They know you and your family and your circumstances.

[Roomba]

Some nurseries and schools may have policies about children only being collected by 16/18+ year olds. But what do they do if the parents themselves are under that age?

[LunafortJest]

OP, does he start dinner for you and himself? If not, he sure should be at that age. Cooking is an important skill that boys these days do need to learn. I'd make him start/or fully prepare the dinner at least once a week, if not every second day because it not only reinforces routine and responsibility, since women are no longer expected to solely do the cooking, it would be a good life skill for him to acquire that will never go to waste.

[LunafortJest]

I am stunned at this thread. Gobsmacked. Do they not have families where both parents work over in the UK? (For reference I should state that I am in Australia) For generations older siblings have been picking up younger siblings. Many get dinner ready at 12. FFS what I am reading is just shocking. They are creating a generation who need to be supervised just walking to school at 16, who cannot look after themselves, who cannot cook, who cannot handle any responsibility, who don't learn resilience. I am so glad where I am that siblings looking after each other/collecting each other is still allowed. I think there would be uproar here if it wasn't!

I remember when I was 8 the girl who lived behind me was also 8. Her parents were divorced and her mother worked full time in a bank and left for work before she left for school. She got herself off to school and walked to school (admittedly our school was around 3 streets away but still) and back herself. I never actually even thought anything of it (neither did anyone else back then, as it was considered normal). Until 10 minutes ago, reading this thread. I am sure in the UK she would be jailed for child abuse in today's day. Absolutely unbelievable!

[LunafortJest]

@Springwalk Why is that worrying? I would expect a child of 10 years old, rural or suburban, to do that. I myself walked to school alone when I was 9 years old, later with a friend. Why are we babying children more than ever lately? In my day 12 year olds started getting dinner ready after school. Alone at home while their parents worked. Latchkey kids era did teach kids to be responsible and independent, if nothing else. Nowadays we are freaking out about a 15 year old high schooler picking up his younger sibling as was normal for decades if not centuries.

[LunafortJest]

I don't understand why not. 12/13 onwards kids babysit and walk their siblings to and from school. He is 15. Not 5. I would expect a 10 year old to be responsible enough to do that. Just write a note to the nursery so they know their older brother will have to pick them up sometimes.

[UAEMum]

My older kids (14 13 16) collect my son every day from.his class. Between them one or more has an after school activity (at school) every day. So the others watch my 5 year old at school. Then i collect them all about an hour after school ends. Some days, if I am working late, they get a taxi home.

[SadOtter]

As a teenager I regularly collected my younger siblings, when I was 15 mum had 4 children 5 and under so if one of them was ill or the weather was bad I'd collect the others so mum didn't have to drag the babies out (she didn't drive so they'd be walking in the rain whoever picked them up). Plus I had DS at 15 so sometimes I'd just pick the little ones up as a reason to get out the house, DS always slept better in the pram.

I think mum had to sign something to say it was ok and there was a poster saying over 16 to collect children but they made an exception for me.

[Springwalk]

It is worrying a nursery let an 11 and 13 year pick up a toddler and walk a mile home by themselves. I am assuming even in the middle of winter in a rural setting?! 😮

[Playmytune]

My local nursery requested a list of and a photo of anyone who may pick up your child. I think this is a good way of ensuring that only people allowed to pick up your child. No problem with under 16 year old collecting as long as he is named and they’ve got a photo of him.

[Idonotlikeyoudonaldtrump]

I would expect it to be 16+.

Our school allows secondary school age siblings to collect primary age siblings though.

[Clawdy]

The under-18 rule is rather odd, as you can be married at sixteen.