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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have my 15 yo occasionally pick up my toddler from Nursery

117 replies

Sharpandshineyteeth · 22/02/2019 07:24

I have recently split with my DP. He has
Left me in the shit regarding work and childcare.

I work an hour away in an unpredictable job that sometimes requires flexible working.

The nursery is down the road, walking distance. WIBU to have my 15yo (16 in April) collect my 3yo on the old occasion I work late.

Nursey provide dinner so I would just get him to bring her home and sit and watch tv or something with her.

I was ill a few months ago and got him to collect her then but they were a bit funny about it.

OP posts:
Yabbers · 22/02/2019 18:56

Sometimes it is, and sometimes it isn’t.
Mostly it is, very, very rarely (i.e where a parent is entirely incapable of caring for young children) it isn’t.

It certainly isn’t appropriate in this case.

glamorousgrandmother · 22/02/2019 18:59

21 is ridiculous.

ATBHun · 22/02/2019 19:04

You can get married, have sex and join the army at 16.

This is ridiculous! What has happened to our teens that they are being babied for longer and longer

Yura · 22/02/2019 19:06

@FamilyOfAliens being a young carer is a lot more than an almost 16 year old picking up a younger sibling from nursey in the evening. Even if it would be most evenings. A LOT more. your comment is pretty insulting to real young carers.

olderthanyouthink · 22/02/2019 19:32

LOL malmi true, maybe a bit less for premies though

FamilyOfAliens · 22/02/2019 19:34

your comment is pretty insulting to real young carers

I’m sorry you feel that way. For the record we don’t tend to talk about “real young carers” as it would imply there are some young carers who aren’t “real”.

olderthanyouthink · 22/02/2019 19:35

Also I'm still Hmm at the young carers thing. Having experienced being a young carer and I used to go to a young carers charity group thing I can safely say a teenager who occasionally watches their NT younger sibling wouldn't really fit in.

Yura · 22/02/2019 19:52

@FamilyOfAliens but you are calling a much older sibling doing normal older sibling stuff (looking after a younger sibing for a limited amount of time) a carer...
you are doing young carers a disservice - there are many of them around, and they need to be taken seriously.

iolaus · 22/02/2019 19:53

I got my 15 year old to pick my 4 year old up from school once when I was running late after visiting my dad in hospital (bear in mind I would have got home at around the same time they did and she does babysit him) - also the other teachers in the school know her - and know we live 10 doors down from the school

The school were funny because she was not 16 (I think it was similar to your child as in a few months before) - once I knew their rule I stuck to it

Passmeagin · 22/02/2019 19:57

I don't know the specific rules for the nursery you're referring to op but I would say it's fine. My siblings (twins) are 12 years younger than me and I regularly picked them up from nursery and up starting when I was 13

FamilyOfAliens · 22/02/2019 20:42

@Yura

Just a reminder of what I actually posted:

If she’s regularly caring for her sibling generally, you may want to think about getting in touch with Young Carers, as they can offer support to children with caring responsibilities.

Note the use of the word “if”.

MrsFoxPlus4 · 22/02/2019 20:46

My niece is 15 & picks her 4 year old sister from nursery 2/3 times a week. Not unsusal here. Have to let the nursery know prior though

MrsFoxPlus4 · 22/02/2019 20:48

Oh and it’s not picking her up to look after her, it’s getting off the bus getting her from nursery and walking the extra 15 mins home. Sinlaw is usually home from work 10 mins after they get home :)

kateandme · 22/02/2019 20:51

its fine op and shouldn't be a chore or a favour.its just what families do so don't worry bout asking him at all.also no guilt.sorry you've found yourself in this situation,dont let this be another worry to add to it.its fine.it can also if they make it so a really lovely thing for toddler and older one to do.in the end that what we found here.

user1511042793 · 22/02/2019 21:43

Some do allow. My 13 year old will collect their 8 year old sibling. I had to sign a letter to say it’s ok but when schools close for snow and I have a job unlike teachers which doesn’t allow me to leave it’s handy.

cheminotte · 22/02/2019 22:01

DCs nursery was part of a private school. A friends daughter attended the school and once took dc2 there for me. I got a call to advice and the policy was 16+ for pick ups. 21+ is ridiculous.

Bobbycat121 · 22/02/2019 22:20

Not nursery but my childrens school doesnt allow anyone under 16.

Clawdy · 22/02/2019 22:41

The under-18 rule is rather odd, as you can be married at sixteen.

Idonotlikeyoudonaldtrump · 22/02/2019 22:58

I would expect it to be 16+.

Our school allows secondary school age siblings to collect primary age siblings though.

Playmytune · 23/02/2019 02:20

My local nursery requested a list of and a photo of anyone who may pick up your child. I think this is a good way of ensuring that only people allowed to pick up your child. No problem with under 16 year old collecting as long as he is named and they’ve got a photo of him.

Springwalk · 23/02/2019 02:29

It is worrying a nursery let an 11 and 13 year pick up a toddler and walk a mile home by themselves. I am assuming even in the middle of winter in a rural setting?! 😮

SadOtter · 23/02/2019 03:21

As a teenager I regularly collected my younger siblings, when I was 15 mum had 4 children 5 and under so if one of them was ill or the weather was bad I'd collect the others so mum didn't have to drag the babies out (she didn't drive so they'd be walking in the rain whoever picked them up). Plus I had DS at 15 so sometimes I'd just pick the little ones up as a reason to get out the house, DS always slept better in the pram.

I think mum had to sign something to say it was ok and there was a poster saying over 16 to collect children but they made an exception for me.

UAEMum · 23/02/2019 03:55

My older kids (14 13 16) collect my son every day from.his class. Between them one or more has an after school activity (at school) every day. So the others watch my 5 year old at school. Then i collect them all about an hour after school ends. Some days, if I am working late, they get a taxi home.

LunafortJest · 23/02/2019 13:06

I don't understand why not. 12/13 onwards kids babysit and walk their siblings to and from school. He is 15. Not 5. I would expect a 10 year old to be responsible enough to do that. Just write a note to the nursery so they know their older brother will have to pick them up sometimes.

LunafortJest · 23/02/2019 13:10

@Springwalk Why is that worrying? I would expect a child of 10 years old, rural or suburban, to do that. I myself walked to school alone when I was 9 years old, later with a friend. Why are we babying children more than ever lately? In my day 12 year olds started getting dinner ready after school. Alone at home while their parents worked. Latchkey kids era did teach kids to be responsible and independent, if nothing else. Nowadays we are freaking out about a 15 year old high schooler picking up his younger sibling as was normal for decades if not centuries.