To have my 15 yo occasionally pick up my toddler from Nursery

[Sharpandshineyteeth]

I have recently split with my DP. He has
Left me in the shit regarding work and childcare.

I work an hour away in an unpredictable job that sometimes requires flexible working.

The nursery is down the road, walking distance. WIBU to have my 15yo (16 in April) collect my 3yo on the old occasion I work late.

Nursey provide dinner so I would just get him to bring her home and sit and watch tv or something with her.

I was ill a few months ago and got him to collect her then but they were a bit funny about it.

@Familyofaliens I was thinking he might have to do this once a week at best. Hardly a young carer for watching his sibling for an hour or so.

Imagine if I called them and took up their precious resources over that 🤣

I used to collect my sister from about 13/14. The youngest mum collecting was only 16 so not sure how they enforce no under 18s?

FamilyOfAliens - you're being rather dramatic for a situation where mum says she works late on an odd occasion.

There’s nothing “dramatic” about having support for being a young career, if that’s what is appropriate.

Do you know anything about the organisation at all?

Our nursery is no under 16's for pick ups aswell. Have a word with them. Our schools won't allow it at all though which is a bit daft imo.

An under 16 cannot collect their new spectacles without an over 18 but can collect a sibling
Shows the worlds is a bit mad really!

I think it was more the issue it was out of the blue, we have to tell our nursery who's picking up our daughter and have a password to give to someone incase it has to be someone else last min

because he just collected her out of the blue. But they did let her go with him.

Wow that's a pretty large safety concern. Nursery shouldn't be allowing your child to be collected by someone who wasn't down as collecting. I'm very surprised they didn't phone to check.

Imagine if I called them and took up their precious resources over that

If you told them it was once a week, which wasn’t in your OP, they wouldn’t offer you a service, so you wouldn’t be taking up their resources.

Loads of kids from the local high school collect their siblings from reception of my DS’ school and no one bats and eyelid.

The nursery didn’t have a problem with it. I filled in the form asking who was allowed to collect and put their names down. It’s never been questioned.

The primary school over the road has lots of the high school kids collecting after school too. The school bus stops outside and many of them then collect their siblings.

DD loves her little walk home with them. Like I said we are rural so they cross one zebra crossing and then walk around a mile down a country lane to our house. There is no after school provision here, nearest childminder is in the next village over. It isn’t unusual here.

It’s a private nursery not part of a chain so maybe that’s why they are ok with it? They are OFSTED outstanding so they their safeguarding must be ok!

I used to collect my sister from about 13/14. The youngest mum collecting was only 16 so not sure how they enforce no under 18s?

I imagine they'd do it on a case by case basis.

They knew he was my Son, they knew I was having chemotherapy. I guess they made a judgement call.

They also have a password which he knew.

@FamilyOfAliens - ok yes, you're being dramatic, how can you have you really never heard of babysitting? Charity resources are best spent on families where children have a lot of caring responsibilities. Teenagers actually need some responsibilities, it's part of growing up, infantilising them won't do them any favours when the real world is already at the door.

My ten year old sister walked me to and home from school from my first day in reception.

I suppose it all depends on the level of maturity that your teenager has.

There's a big difference between a casual baby sitting arrangement at home and the professional duty of care in a nursery setting.

If something was to happen to the child on the way home and it was found that we had handed them over to another child instead of a responsible adult we'd be investigated and quite possibly closed down.

There would also be safeguarding issues in place for young siblings who collect daily and never really seeing the child's parent(s) in that case I'd be concerned about the amount of responsibility and duty put on a child and would question the parents role and priorities.

The youngest mum collecting was only 16 so not sure how they enforce no under 18s?

Parents have parental responsibility. So the policy would probably state that children have to be picked up by a parent or designated adult.

It's fine for children to babysit, but if they are under 16, the parent still maintains parental responsibility. So, that is why a lot of nurseries/schools have policies about this. Some will be 16 or over, some 18 or over.

That's Obviously not related to OP but just in a general situation.

how can you have you really never heard of babysitting?

Where did I post that?

And this is about collecting from nursery, not babysitting.

my 11 year old and 13 year old regularly collect DD3 from nursery

I'm surprised your nursery allows that, obviously you know your children best and their capabilities but even primary schools around here won't allow a child home with someone under 16. Even when picking up a year 6 child (so around 11). Are you in the UK?

OP I'm sure if you explained your circumstances and gave them written permission they could make an allowance they probably just need to cover their own back so to speak.

My nursery it's 16 cut off. He's very nearly 16. I'd have a word with them , if not you'll have to sort something else until his birthday , but hopefully it should be ok.

ATBHun, those are exactly the ages of my dc and I wouldn't dream of doing that yet, although my older two are very capable and lovely with their sister - it's not so much not trusting them as not wanting them to have to bear lifelong responsibility in the unlikely case that something happens. I was thinking I'd let them pick up in her last year of kindergarten (not UK), which will be when she's 5.

My children's school wont allow anyone under 18 to pick up. I often wondered if nurseries are the same and how that worked with younger parents. My mum had my sister and me before she was 18 and always remember teachers thinking she was my sibling.

What if the mum is under 18? Under 18s do sometimes have kids themselves. Are they not allowed to pick up their own kid?

Sharpandshinyteeth it sounds like you are having a really hard time. If nursery have already let your DS collect then I'm sure it'll be fine once you've spoken to them. Shocked that your DP thinks leaving you also means he can leave child care duties , is he your DDs dad?

familyofaliens yes age of consent, you know what I mean, pretty hard to have a baby without having sex

Any setting I've ever worked in hasn't been allowed to hand a child over to an under 18.

This came up at my school when a parent wanted a particularly unreliable year 5 to take her child home from Reception. We (Head and I) had understood the cut off to be 16 but when she checked the legal position there wasn't a thing we could do to legally enforce this. The parent had to say in writing she took responsibility.