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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask at what age you stopped regularly hugging/cuddling your children?

142 replies

M3lon · 21/02/2019 14:51

I realise this is probably down to the child more than the parent...but I'm terrified I might be running out of hugging time with mine - so please reassure me that even teenagers need a hug sometimes!

OP posts:
ASauvignonADay · 21/02/2019 15:30

I'm late 20s and still hug my mum!

BoswellsBollocks · 21/02/2019 15:30

My mum stopped hugging us at about 9 or 10. Don’t know why she didn’t, I think she thought we were too old once past that age.

My dad wasn’t around much but would hug occasionally.

I hated the lack of affection so was determined that I’d hug my kids lots. They’re 17 and 13 now and both hug all the time. The 13 yo in particular is a proper cuddle monster, he loves to be cuddled up on the sofa with me even though he’s much taller now and squashes me!

He send me this photo once saying it was just like me and him on the sofa 😂

to ask at what age you stopped regularly hugging/cuddling your children?
Gilead · 21/02/2019 15:30

Oldest is 34, youngest are 22 (twins). All of them still want Mum hugs.

NotTheFordType · 21/02/2019 15:32

My son is 23 and still gets a hug at bedtime.

isseywithcats · 21/02/2019 15:34

my daughter is 40 and my son 44 and both still not too old for a mom cuddle

Changedyetagain · 21/02/2019 15:35

Hopefully never

Surfingtheweb · 21/02/2019 15:35

My eldest will be 20 in a few days & she still loves a snuggle Smile

JennieLee · 21/02/2019 15:36

I think my daughter became less 'huggy' in her teens. She wanted to be the one who initiated hugs.

But she will come and hug me when she's feeling affectionate or if she's a bit more vulnerable than usual.

I'll kiss her goodbye and stuff like that.

I sometimes miss the more tactile person she was when she was smaller - but on the other hand we have better conversations now she's older.

Closeness can be be verbal too...

fleshmarketclose · 21/02/2019 15:37

I still hug my adult children each time I see them, the oldest is 32. No end to hugs IMO.

PalmTree101 · 21/02/2019 15:38

I don't think you ever sto hugging your children?

My siblings and I still hug our parents and we are all 30+

stuffedpeppers · 21/02/2019 15:39

never

cunningartificer · 21/02/2019 15:40

Grown up now and still hug a lot. Having said that, we’re quite a cuddly family as MIL thought teenagers would be embarrassed by hugs, and DH hated the withdrawal of affection. Now MIL has been hugged into submission and says how nice it is they all want to give her a cuddle when they visit!

iklboo · 21/02/2019 15:40

I'm nearly 50 and still hug & kiss my parents (and MIL).

AryaStarkWolf · 21/02/2019 15:42

My oldest is 18 and still going :p

bubblegumbottles · 21/02/2019 15:43

25 and still need a hug from my mum, especially if pissed!

MumUnderTheMoon · 21/02/2019 15:44

My 11 yo still crawls up onto my knee for a hug.

Bowsbows · 21/02/2019 15:45

I don't know but I'm hoping it doesn't stop!

I don't particularly do spontaneous hugs with my DM (although I like her, of course!) mainly because she did a commentary on it most of the time. It made me feel self-conscious about hugs by drawing attention to it rather than just doing it/accepting it naturally. That's all I'd say really, just be in the moment rather than stepping outside the moment to comment on it like a passing observer. "oh a HUG! How nice! I do like a hug! This is nice, isn't it! Oh I am enjoying MY HUG". etc. I would rather have hugged without words. (I mean maybe every now and then it's ok to comment but it felt like each and every time). As a teenager it made me feel silly and it felt unnatural rather than natural. It made too much of an occasion of a hug rather than a passing natural hug.

A hair ruffle or shoulder squeeze (with no running commentary on the action or reproach about how you never get to hug them any more!) is good too for those teenagers who are going through a non-huggy phrase no matter how much you want to grab them!

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/02/2019 15:45

My 10 yo dd comes down and launches herself at me. Long may it continue even if she’s rather heavy on the knees!

BertrandRussell · 21/02/2019 15:45

Just had the loveliest of hugs with my 18 today on his way out to his first legal pub crawl........

Petalflowers · 21/02/2019 15:46

My eldest son is not a hugger, whilst the younger will hug. Probably early teens. We’re not a cuddly family.

Original poster
M3lon · 21/02/2019 15:46

bert well it probably beats what you might have to do for him when he returns!

OP posts:
StroppyWoman · 21/02/2019 15:46

My 19yo lad loves a hug on the couch while we watch a movie. 13yo daughter still sits on my lap when she's feeling down

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/02/2019 15:47

YesQueen
Same here. Then my mother complains she is never given hugs. Well guess what? You’re too late to the party if you want them from me. You needed to give me them growing up.

Original poster
M3lon · 21/02/2019 15:48

boswell Its already like that for us too...I sit down...DD sits on/next to me!

I bloody love it!

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 21/02/2019 15:49

“bert well it probably beats what you might have to do for him when he returns!”

Cunningly, I arranged before he was born to live in the back of beyond to save myself from that very eventuality-he’s going back to his mates!