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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

NDN wants to use our driveway for building work - AIBU?

563 replies

NigellaAwesome · 20/02/2019 21:12

Having quickly checked that the thread titled 'Twat Next Door' wasn't about us, I hoped to get hive mind views on our neighbour.

This might be long, but I don't want to drip-feed. For background, we have lived next to them for about 10 years. She's OK, but he is a complete knob. We call him Gobby Gordon. We've had a few issues over the years. The first was when one of their young relatives threw stones at our car repeatedly and caused substantial damage. When I told the wife what had happened, she was very apologetic and said she would pay. The dealer quoted £800 to repair, but I got a contact to do it at knockdown price for £120 + vat. However when I went round a couple of weeks later to let her know how much it would be, the husband arrived round later ranting and raving and threw a cheque at us for £120 but giving off severely. We were a bit Hmm about it, especially since he drove a Maserati and I doubt he would have appreciated the same being done to his car. That somewhat set the tone, but we have pretty much ignored each other over the years, with a couple of exceptions.

Our driveway is between the two houses, and beyond our fence they have about a metre passageway before their gable wall. A number of years ago I arrived home to find a workman on ladders in our driveway doing work on their chimney. They hadn't let us know, and I was shocked to find him there because we have electric gates and he must have climbed over the gates / fence to get in. I almost knocked him off the ladder because I was reversing in and only saw him at the last minute. When I asked what he was doing on my property he was really abusive. He refused to leave, and police were called and I think there was some sort of warning given. Gobby Gordon gave off to my DH about it afterwards, calling us crap neighbours. When we pointed out that he hadn't had the courtesy to ask us beforehand, he said that the workman had rung our doorbell but there had been no answer (no shit Sherlock, we were out).

A few months later I saw the wife and we had a chat. She was ok, and I explained that whilst we were happy in principle with access being given, it needed to be by prior arrangement, and with one of them - not a random builder, talking to us beforehand. This has been the case since for the last few years, and we have provided access on about 3 occasions since then. The wife has always called with us, provided details of the builder, and everything has been fine with minimal disruption.

Last week we were out and we got a call from the gates (gates connect to our phone when they are called). It was a builder asking to get onto our property to look at doing some work. We were out, had no idea what he was talking about, and said it wasn't really convenient. We didn't hear anything more.

This evening we were out again, and got a call from the gates. It was a builder asking if he could speak with us. We were out, but coming back in 15 minutes, so I said if he could hang on we would chat with him. When we got back home, he was waiting for us. He knew our names, and knew a lot about us including what we do for a living (which I'm not very happy about).

The builder said he wanted access to our driveway to build scaffolding on it to rebuild the neighbour's chimney. I was pretty pissed off that I was having this conversation directly with him, and that neither of the neighbours had spoken to us about it. When I told him this, he said that he had never even met the wife, only Gobby Gordon. He told Gordon last week that he needed to speak to us about access, but Gordon hasn't bothered his arse.

When I asked about what needed to be done, he said it would be scaffolded for 7 to 10 days (so realistically likely to be 3 weeks). Our driveway will be out of action for that time, and we have 2 cars that can't be parked outside on the busy road. I'm not thrilled at the prospect of bricks being brought up and down scaffolding which could land on our driveway, our pets, or our children. I'm going through quite a stressful time in work at the moment, and I also have professional exams coming up, so really could do without 3 weeks of building work. There's more, which would be a bit outing, but it was clear from what the builder said that Gobby Gordon had discussed a lot of private information about us - information that we didn't even know that Gordon knew, so that has really, really pissed me off. The builder also laid it on really thick that he had travelled a very long way to discuss this with us. The conversation ended with me telling the builder that I was sorry for his inconvenience, but this was an issue for the neighbours to speak to us directly about, not him, and the neighbours knew the score before they sent him round to discuss it with us. DH feels a bit sorry for the builder, but I just think this is Gobby Gordon being a cheeky fucker and sending the builder round to lay it on thick rather than having the manners to speak to us directly.

This is more a WWYD rather than AIBU. MN WWYD & AIBU re CF NDN?

OP posts:
Mmmhmmm · 21/02/2019 12:05

Well done OP. :)

RandomMess · 21/02/2019 12:07

I would ask for the cost of the previous clean up/damage to be reimbursed prior to looking at his written proposal Angry

HermioneKipper · 21/02/2019 12:08

Well done OP! I think you’re being generous even considering his proposals to be honest. I’d have told the CF to get stuffed. We’ve had some cheeky neighbours in our time and once they’d overstepped the mark there were no more favours from me! Your husband isn’t a weasel at all - people have different qualities and some hate confrontation. Don’t listen to grumpy PP!

justilou1 · 21/02/2019 12:15

You're going to be considering his proposal for a veeeeeeeeery long time - and seeking the opinions of some very expensive professionals at GG's expense, aren't you, OP?

Mia184 · 21/02/2019 12:18

Well done, OP!

I wouldn't be surprised if GG would find a way without having anyone use your driveway!

NannyRed · 21/02/2019 12:19

If he was a nice neighbour this wouldn’t be an issue, but as he is so selfish and entitled I’d have no qualms in telling him “no, that doesn’t work for me”

Mitzimaybe · 21/02/2019 12:19

Thanks to the advice here I was able to say that if they wanted access to our property, before we could even consider it we would need to have our own surveyor, solicitor and insurance company look at it and draw up a risk mitigation plan which would include netting around the scaffolding, use of a waste chute and money in an account to cover damages. I also said I would expect him to cover the cost of those professional fees.

Oh, well done you. Now just make sure your DH doesn't get his arm twisted in your absence. Stick to your guns. GG has gone about it completely the wrong way and is now trying to bully you into agreeing that because the builder is here, it has to go ahead.

It really doesn't.

NicoAndTheNiners · 21/02/2019 12:23

I had chimneys rebuilt many years ago. We have a very narrow path at the side of our house (width of a wheelie bin) then a hedge then neighbour has a similar width path.

It was years ago but from what I remember there was scaffolding but it certainly didn't go onto next door's path. They use the path daily and wouldn't have been able to get round to the back door so I would remember if that happened. Not sure if we just had very thin scaffolding on our part of the path of if they accessed it with scaffolding in the back garden. Chimney is on gable end but I guess you could put scaffolding front and back and a walkway between? Would obviously be more expensive.

I would say no. I might possibly say yes if I could park my cars on their drive for the duration. But what happens if they say that's ok, put the scaffolding up and then refuse your cars? He seems the sort who would do that.

pepperpot99 · 21/02/2019 12:33

Well done OP - make sure you whip GG's arse good and proper Grin

Pinkprincess1978 · 21/02/2019 12:35

Well done op. I too would be the one talking as my DH isn't great at confrontation and can loose his temper rather than get his point across.

Hopefully they will find another way (and don't make a mess) or will do all you ask to you feel happy and secure with them using your property.

stanski · 21/02/2019 12:41

Well done OP!

JuniperBeer · 21/02/2019 12:44

A reputable scaffolder will have full safe systems of work, health and safety policy and a plan of works.
Factors to consider in reduction of risk, could be cordoning off the area, this would reduce the risk from falling objects if there’s nothing or no one underneath it, netting, footing edge boards, and chutes.

If it’s a reputable scaffolder you should t have to ask for extra precautions, they will have already considered them in the erection plan.

burritofan · 21/02/2019 12:46

JuniperBeer is right, I always consider extra precautions in the erection plan.

coconutpie · 21/02/2019 12:48

Well done OP. Oh and when GG comes to you with his proposal, tell him it's not happening. Do not allow this at all. Let him waste his time doing up proposals considering what a CF he has been. Under no circumstances should you allow him any access to your drive. His builder will probably charge him more for more complicated scaffolding if access is an issue but tough shit. His problem, not yours, don't waste anymore time even considering it. Say no, that doesn't work for us.

RebootYourEngine · 21/02/2019 12:49

Well done for standing your ground.

Have the builders left? I would be making sure your dh keeps an eye on what is happening. I can just see the builder doing as he pleases and putting up the scaffolding anyway.

billybagpuss · 21/02/2019 12:54

That’s a fantastic update well done 💐

BrexitIsComing · 21/02/2019 13:00

Well done for standing your ground. Hope they've now realised you're not a pushover.

diddl · 21/02/2019 13:03

But if the scaffolders were there & he was so determined to get the work done-wouldn't he just tell them that they couldn't use your drive & to access another way?

FuerzaAreaUruguay · 21/02/2019 13:05

I agree, coconutpie. You can't ever say yes to a CF cunt.

fizzandchips · 21/02/2019 13:06

Great update OP. The empowerment of MN advice!

NatashaRomanov · 21/02/2019 13:15

Read this thread early this morning, came back to see if there was any more, but was not expecting builders and scaffolding to have arrived!
Well done for keeping us updated. Hope nothing happens during your absence!

ohfourfoxache · 21/02/2019 13:17

Ooohhh he’s a cheeky cunt (fucker doesn’t cut it)

Well done for standing up to him. You just know he was going to do it anyway if you had been away Angry

HeyNannyNanny · 21/02/2019 13:30

Yasss well done OP!!!

Balls to the builder being able to come early. Even if it was for Monday, that's still not enough notice

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/02/2019 13:41

Woman power. 👌👩‍🔧 come closer and I will hit you with my mighty spanner!

NigellaAwesome · 21/02/2019 13:48

GG has just been round to speak to DH. They've found a way to do the work without recourse to our property and are getting additional scaffolding delivered. They are putting up netting, but have said there will be a lot of dust. Builder has agreed to clear up the driveway if there is any mess. DH didn't discuss cars, but we can manage with that.

OP posts:
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