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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a picture of my bio children

457 replies

Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 00:03

Had a photoshoot of my bio children 3 months ago and I really want a canvas printing for my back wall, AIBU that my stepchild is not on this?

OP posts:
LadyMinerva · 20/02/2019 00:47

You can do whatever you want but I also believe it could be very hurtful to SC.

I have 1 DC and 2 DSC. I consider all 3 to be 'my kids'.

user1473878824 · 20/02/2019 00:48

She is so little OP. You’re making it clear to her she doesn’t count as much in her father’s life. Because that’s how I saw shit like this at 10. And honestly it was utterly devastating. You’re thinking about it enough as an adult to have started this, imagine being 10 with no real voice and no real emotional intelligence - you know it’s just a picture of your “bio” (sorry I just think that’s such a tell in this) children, for her it may feel a huge shove out of her dad’s life.

beansontoastfortea · 20/02/2019 00:49

@Fairydustsprinkled I think you're right to suck it up... get a large canvas done of ALL of them, they're siblings after all and you never know how much DSC will appreciate being made to feel accepted by you in years to come.

Original poster
Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 00:50

@thedogattacksthetissuebox you sound adorable Hmm

OP posts:
BartonHollow · 20/02/2019 00:50

I get that this is upsetting for you OP that you can't do this but you just can't it's so unfair to that child

In her fathers home that she visits a huge canvas of her siblings in pride of place and other smaller ones of her in a lesser place

It makes a statement

To everyone

But especially her

Shelby2010 · 20/02/2019 00:50

It would be a shitty thing to do.

Big canvas of 2 children with small photo of step child to the side - can’t see how they wouldn’t be be hurt by that. Shows exactly what you subconsciously think their position is in the family even if you are too ‘nice’ to say it out loud.

Remember that your babies will (hopefully) grow up to love their big sister and one day may judge you on how you treated her when they were kids.

user1473878824 · 20/02/2019 00:50

Sorry OP, I’ve just seen your last post. I totally get the maternal tug - I have a step child and they come first, and it’s hard. But also that’s sort of our lot.

Original poster
Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 00:51

@user1473878824 @beansontoastfortea Points well and truly taken on board.. thank you

OP posts:
Schuyler · 20/02/2019 00:52

Just print the photo of the 2 youngest. It doesn’t have to be a canvas,

Halo84 · 20/02/2019 00:52

I think it sends a bad message to the stepdaughter which will resonate with her until adulthood, unless she is very unusual.

Don’t put up a canvas, just an ordinary photo. Have a canvas done with all the children when your stepdaughter is available.

Yes, you are being unreasonable and as a stepmother you should be more sensitive to your stepchild.

Shelby2010 · 20/02/2019 00:52

Anyway canvas ‘pictures’ of photos are tacky. So another reason not to do it.

thedogattacksthetissuebox · 20/02/2019 00:53

I am adorable. My kids are my kids, I don't exclude any of them. I don't call them bubbas either.

user1473878824 · 20/02/2019 00:54

I think @BartonHollow put it really well. Have your photo done as a nice one you can keep. If you want a big photo on the wall why not get one done with all the children, you and DP - a family photo.

Original poster
Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 00:55

@thedogattacksthetissuebox do you teach your children to attack others choice of words and prejudge (username says it all)

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Original poster
Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 00:55

@user1473878824 thank you again i will do this

OP posts:
WarpedGalaxy · 20/02/2019 01:00

Well, there’s your answer right there, your own bloody conscience is telling you it’s not right. Your sister clearly didn’t marry a man who already had children. You sound like a spoiled child, why can’t I have what she has just because I’ve got this inconvenient step-child?Choices have consequences.

This whole scenario leaves a nasty taste to me and the only thing that would make it right would be a picture of equal type and prominence of all 3 children or maybe one of just stepchild on her own.

incywincybitofa · 20/02/2019 01:01

It sounds like you have made a decision- not an easy one for you but a kinder one for all.
I do understand your feelings but I think there are too many other feelings in place for yours to trump this time. Something special just for you of your 2 children would be lovely and I hope you can find a way to get that

user1473878824 · 20/02/2019 01:02

Step parenting is a tough job. I have winged it by thinking of all the things my dad did to me and NOT doing what he did, but my main thing is my SS is my family as much as DP is and that’s sort of the only choice I have. (Which isn’t meant to sound negative!)

Original poster
Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 01:05

@user1473878824 it doesn't sound negative at all just honest and that's why I asked the question. I don't have anyone in a similar situation so it's noted and appreciated

OP posts:
Original poster
Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 01:07

@warpedgalaxy why just the stepchild on her own?

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user1473878824 · 20/02/2019 01:08

@WarpedGalaxy Step child on her own just defeats the whole point of her being included.

Original poster
Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 01:10

@user1473878824 probably just a backhanded dig as if to say well it was acceptable to leave out your non bio child so why not leave yours out

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beansontoastfortea · 20/02/2019 01:11

@user1473878824 it's so hard not to sound negative when talking about step parenting! I live with my dss and it's so hard to get the balance right!

beansontoastfortea · 20/02/2019 01:14

Step parenting can really bring out the worst in even the nicest of people

I think putting a canvas of just dsd defeats the point... it might make her feel special but I think the point is to let her know she's equal and that just because she doesn't live there she's still just as much a part of the family

Original poster
Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 01:19

@beansontoastfortea as much as people are trying to assume I am a bad step-parent on this thread I really do my best and include her in everything we do

I normally always put my feelings to one side and this is another of those instances where I should have

OP posts: