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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a picture of my bio children

457 replies

Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 00:03

Had a photoshoot of my bio children 3 months ago and I really want a canvas printing for my back wall, AIBU that my stepchild is not on this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 14:13

Thank you for all your opinions but this will be the last comment before I come off mumsnet entirely.. it's not a very supportive place to be and sometimes motherhood gets lonely but I'd rather be alone in my thoughts than waste my energy defending myself.. quite frankly I dont have enough of it at the moment

OP posts:
Original poster
Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 14:14

Thank you to the people who have been supportive and constuctive in their criticism.. keep doing what your doing you are great Flowers

OP posts:
Quooker · 20/02/2019 14:24

OP don’t flounce, just name change and stay away from the den of iniquity that is aibu. There are some wonderfully supportive people on here.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 20/02/2019 14:34

I agree with Quooker - AIBU never shows MN at its best, and it does have a best side, honestly!

Hope you come back Thanks

funinthesun19 · 20/02/2019 14:59

Op when it comes to stepparenting mn can be a very weird place.
I think if some people had it their way, you wouldn’t be allowed to breathe oxygen unless your stepchild is in the same room breathing it with you Grin That’s the only analogy I can think of as best to describe how ridiculous it gets.

Platypusfattypus · 20/02/2019 15:14

I can’t see the issue with wanting a photo of your children. I would arrange a photoshoot if all children too though and display that also.

BertrandRussell · 20/02/2019 15:17

Right. I have two children. No step-ness involved.
WIBU to go to a photoshoot with one of them and get the picture made into a canvas and display it on the wall-because I have a framed photo of the other on the mantelpiece?

stressedbeyond123 · 20/02/2019 15:17

@Fairy - speaking as a step mum myself, don't let some of these comments get to you, its really not worth it. Regardless of the "name" put on your family, no one here knows your family dynamics but you and your family and they are the ones who matter, not us.

I did post earlier - my advice was put the picture up, its not hurting anyone I have 2 DSC, i have pictures of me, OH (DSC's father) and our child up on the wall, i also have pictures of OH with bio child, oh with DSC, all manner of differences going on our wall....do any of us care, no.

We all know our place in the family home and we are more than comfortable with it. We know we are loved and that's what matters to us.

Put your picture up and enjoy the hell out of it.

on MN no SM will ever be in the right, no matter what they do, so please do not let the haters get to you x

OliviaCat · 20/02/2019 15:20

As a step mum, I'd say don't do it!! I've actually removed all photos of the kids from the house to save arguments as my step daughter counted the individual ones once to work out what was "fair". Just have pics of pets up: you'll love them more unconditionally anyway... :)

Jaxtellerswife · 20/02/2019 15:22

Agree with @stressedbeyond123
This wouldn't even register on my ss's radar.

Whateverfloatsyourboatreally · 21/02/2019 15:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rspu3 · 21/02/2019 15:55

My step mother does that my dad has 5 kids including me they ha e 2 together and there’s a big canvas of the 4 of them in the living room. Every time she gets things for my dad say a mug with a photo she only gets one of her 2. Always thought it was quite nasty tbh she’s been with my dad since I was 5 so it’s not like she has t helped bring me up either.

GunpowderGelatine · 21/02/2019 16:00

@stressedbeyond123 has hit the nail on the head - in MN land if you're not treating your SC better than your bio children you're an abomination. Whereas IRL, children (usually) have 2 happy homes and would barely notice one picture. You're allowed to have stuff for just your kids...but don't tell anyone, we don't want word spreading Wink

crazygolfgonewrong · 21/02/2019 16:17

Since I had my own kids with DH I only have photos of all 4 (2 step/2 bio) up together. I would never have had a professional shoot without them. They can be so sensitive to feeling excluded. I care far more that they feel like a bonded set of siblings than slinging a canvas on the wall with only my two. But I see my stepkids as my kids just stepkids. You really can't give a bigger gift than facilitating the siblings feeling like one group who are loved as such. So no, I haven't and I wouldn't.

exaltedwombat · 21/02/2019 17:47

You want a 'statement' picture. Looks like this one delivers the wrong statement. Sorry.

EllenMP · 21/02/2019 17:48

Stepchild issues like this can be very sensitive. It is so easy to make the child who isn't there all the time feel like a visitor, or a half member. I would get the canvas you want and put it in your bedroom, and try to keep the pictures in the common areas equal in their distribution of children. I know it will feel a little forced to you, but I think it will mean a lot to your stepdaughter. It would also be nice if you can put some baby pictures of her on display. Even if she wasn't part of your life then, she was part of your husband's, and part of the family history. But do get the canvas you want.

ButterscupsRevenge · 21/02/2019 17:58

It's not about have a picture of your bio children is it though, you've already got that. It's about whacking it on a canvas ad pride of place. Have some compassion I guarantee you wouldn't like the same done to one of your babies.

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 21/02/2019 18:02

I would go for it. I would also make sure there are pictures and canvases of SC in your house too. Not just a token picture on the mantel but nice photos of her and the newborn.

Moominfan · 21/02/2019 18:03

It marks them out as different. They couldn't be there and you went ahead anyway. If one of your kids wasn't there would you have gone ahead? Maybe put it in your room, or better yet just have more pictures taken and include the other child. It would be awful for them to be excluded

Kathandkim1 · 21/02/2019 18:09

I have to wonder why you have bothered to ask the question? The overwhelming response is that you ABU and it would be a shitty thing to do. You have made it clear you don't agree with this and you're going to do it anyway. Why ask for people's opinions when you obviously don't actually care?

ShowMeTheKittens · 21/02/2019 18:10

I assume stepchild lives with other parent? If so, is not unkind. I would also put up a picture of stepchild too, for good measure.

FluffySlipperSocks · 21/02/2019 18:11

Just reading this is bringing back memories of how I used to feel when I went to my dad's house. Photos of his two daughters (with his new wife) and literally none of me and my sister. It stays with someone. I would be doing everything in my power to be treating them equally! Sorry

lovemelovemydogs · 21/02/2019 18:44

I think it would be a real slap in the face to your step child (and I think you know that our you wouldn't ask).

Ask yourself how you would feel if that was done to you......

Streamside · 21/02/2019 18:44

I'm a photographer and it's heartbreaking sometimes to see children divided into biological and non biological for photo shoots.It's something that can happen naturally ie:older children can get bored and move away but when a child is asked to move out of a photograph it's awful.

Snuffalo · 21/02/2019 18:45

'my bubbas' ... I just cringed so hard my teeth turned inside out.

I hope the other people in your stepchild's life are less awful than you.

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