Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a picture of my bio children

457 replies

Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 00:03

Had a photoshoot of my bio children 3 months ago and I really want a canvas printing for my back wall, AIBU that my stepchild is not on this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 12:56

I think the people who run mumsnet revel in these kinds of threads

Some of my posts have been deleted and I was contacted by mumsnet about them but its ok for others to personally attack me and nothing is done about it (the posts are still there even though I have reported them) says it all really

OP posts:
funinthesun19 · 20/02/2019 13:01

Yanbu. Of course you’re allowed to have a nice picture of your own children! As a mum that will be special to you personally.
I’ve not read the thread and don’t know if anyone else has suggested this, but one day you could have another photo shoot of all of them together.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 20/02/2019 13:02

@Quooker nobody thinks you should stay in a miserable relationship but if you choose a partner who already has children then the child has to come first

Original poster
Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 13:03

@sweeneytoddsrazor and mine second according to many.. got this loud and clear

OP posts:
Original poster
Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 13:03

@funinthesun19 thank you

OP posts:
Quooker · 20/02/2019 13:05

Not to the detriment of subsequent children.

OP you will never be in the right as a SM on MN.

hardyloveit · 20/02/2019 13:08

I don't think it's a bad idea? Try and arrange another photo shoot for when dsd can be included - you will get some nice ones as the baby will be bigger and moving more.

When my youngest was born I didn't have any pics of her up for ages but had canvases up of the oldest one. It's only recently like 2 years later that I've finally put some up of my youngest.

As long as you have some of your step child up and possibly plan another shoot or even get a canvas done of the three of them from a normal photo you have?

WatcherintheRye · 20/02/2019 13:11

I may even get a canvas still and also one of sc with youngest, last thing I want to do is hurt sc which is the reason I asked for opinions

Post by op p11, I think? To all those still crying unreasonable, shitty and worse.

Also, having RTFT, you'd think a modestly sized canvas, a caring step-Mum and a 'brilliant' (op's word) sd were actually a full wall-sized mural, Cruella de Vil, and Cinderella.

Such is the power of MN vitriol. Grin

kierenthecommunity · 20/02/2019 13:11

I like the picture wall idea, experience with ablended family. Then you can have e wry variation of family pictures you like without the big statement, as they’re all equal Smile

Glitterbaby17 · 20/02/2019 13:15

I think you’re being given an unfairly hard time. I think it’s fine to have the photo of your two up, especially if you’ve got other photos of SC with other kids. In bedroom is a nice idea. Maybe for father’s Day get your DH one of all three of them? But you and your wants count as well x

sweeneytoddsrazor · 20/02/2019 13:19

Not 2nd @Fairydustsprinkled but equal.

Quooker · 20/02/2019 13:22

@sweenytoddsrazor you said the sc has to come first, the implication being everyone else’s feelings come second.

BertrandRussell · 20/02/2019 13:25

“if you choose a partner who already has children then the child has to come first”

No. The child has to come equal.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 20/02/2019 13:26

The children come first the adults come second.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 20/02/2019 13:28

When I said the SC comes first I meant before the adults. Kids should all be equal.

lazyarse123 · 20/02/2019 13:31

fairy I apologise for the comment, it was unnecessary. I just find this kind of dilemma upsetting as there really is no need for it. I was a sc many years ago can you tell.

AliceLiddel · 20/02/2019 13:33

I would feel uncomfortable with this to be honest. Take out the "step" and they are all your children. This is how I would treat the situation. I would have waited for the shoot to be honest, or take step daughter at a later date and have her photoshopped in by the photographer. But I would not feel comfortable having a canvas of only 2 of my children. I also feel it would maybe make her feel an outsider to the baby if she is not included in these things.

This is coming from a half sibling and stepchild.

MrsBobDylan · 20/02/2019 13:34

When you can afford it, just get a photo shoot with all the kids, then stick that one up on the wall and the ones you've already had done.

I don't think it's a huge problem.

Waveysnail · 20/02/2019 13:37

Of course you can have a picture, just not a great bloody canvas on the wall excluding step child. It's just wrong and mean

Motherofcreek · 20/02/2019 13:38

Rebook another shoot with your step kids.

As a stepchild that was kept out of a family shoot I was really hurt. My horrible step mother then took a picture of me with my eyes closed, it was a horrible picture and put that up when my grandmother complained!

It's perfectly natural to want a pic with just your kids on but you chose a man with other kids so your going to have to at least look as if your 'blending'

Original poster
Fairydustsprinkled · 20/02/2019 13:41

@lazyarse123 that's ok thank you for your apology... just felt so attacked and have lashed out myself a little too at unneccessary comments.. its only natural

I have quite tough skin normally but last night after been kept up all night by my baby and reading responses I was an emotional wreck and just burst in to tears sat on the floor of the bathroom at 3am.. situations can be hard sometimes (I don't want pity I know we all have things going on)

Thank you again Smile

OP posts:
Quooker · 20/02/2019 13:42

No. The child has to come equal.

But their not equal, a lot of people are insisting they have to be more equal. It’s perfectly normal to have a picture of one or some children, they don’t all have to contain every child.

Quooker · 20/02/2019 13:44

They’re

Kerantli · 20/02/2019 13:46

I don't think it's bad, but I'm also sort of equating it to the picture my grandma had up on her wall of her family (so my mum, dad, me, my exP, my DS1 and my brother, along with cousin1 and his ExP, my uncle, aunt and cousin2, and grandma herself)

Since that photo there has been three more great grandkids (cousin1 DD, my DS2, brothers DS. Neither DS2 or cousin1DD made a comment on "why are we not in these photos?" (Bros DS is too young to talk) that I know of, but if they had, they would probably been told "It was something special that we did at the time"

So personally, I say go for the canvas, if you get asked, you get asked, and will be able to put fears out of their mind that you don't want them, you just wanted something special for you/your children.

And you said yourself, you could get another set done with your step-child at some point in the near future.

youwantathingamibob · 20/02/2019 13:54

I'd put the picture up where you want and then try to arrange another time to get more pictures done with DSC and put one of those up next to it. Or wait until you can go back then put the picture up at the same time.

I have way more pictures of my DS up than my DSC - but tbh that's mainly because they won't let me take their picture! I have a whole wall in my dining room that's a collage of pictures of 'the family' but in all honestly it's mainly DS, a few of DSC with and without DS and maybe one or two with me and DP in. They don't seem to care and helped me choose from the small selection of photos we had of them but only liked a couple of their young child photos, a few of the pictures are their school photo ones I put in just so there were more of them. Having said that - I have a massive canvas on the opposite wall of them all on DS's first Christmas.