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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister is committing benefit fraud

317 replies

Ellabella989 · 19/02/2019 12:19

My sister has 2 kids and is in a relationship with their father who earns around 50k per year. They all live together in privately rented accommodation (in his name) however my sister pretends to still live with the kids at my parent’s house so she can claim benefits.
They have horrendous debts between them because they live totally outwith their means (2 nice cars on finance, holidays on credit cards, eating out multiple times a week etc. The children are very spoilt with toys and clothes too).

I love my sister but I feel total rage at this situation. I know I should just keep my nose out of it but it all just feels so wrong. AIBU to want to anonymously dob her in?!

OP posts:
Elfinablender · 19/02/2019 13:50

I'm not amoral, immoral or thick.

Confusedbeetle · 19/02/2019 13:51

This is quite calculated fraud, your Mum should be told she could get into trouble and should stop. I would tell my sister that I seriously disapproved and I wouldn't report her, but someone will and she will get Mum into trouble, She could stop it right now, Better than having to pay it all back

Original poster
Ellabella989 · 19/02/2019 13:52

@79 she’s completely and utterly a head in the sand type person. She’ll buy something expensive on her credit card without thinking of the repercussions. She never learns!

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 19/02/2019 13:52

Those of you who would inform the authorities if your sibling had committed benefit fraud, could you live happily outside the social companionship and support of your whole family for your entire life?

If I had to, yes. Because they would essentially be choosing their entitlement to steal from the poor over their relationship with me.

However, my family would not condemn me for doing the legally and morally right thing. They would condemn the criminal who caused the problem in the first place. Because they are not entitled knobs.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/02/2019 13:53

It’s not right to sit back and say nothing though Elfinablender.

Santaclarita · 19/02/2019 13:55

Elfinablender

We will just help ourselves to your bank account and valuables then. It's clearly OK according to you to steal.

Elfinablender · 19/02/2019 13:56

It's academic for me because I have an upstanding family. But I think that a family, that has shown by their actions to be not only comfortable but also complicit in the situation, might not be as understanding as to view it that way Fairenuff.

BlueSlipperSocks · 19/02/2019 13:58

I'd have no problem reporting her. To sponge off the state when she has a partner who works and is able to support his family, and hides the fact they are a family to enable her to steal from the public pot is fraud.

Most decent people work to support their families and live within their own means. If it wasn't fraud we would all be doing it. Your sister, and anyone else who steals from the public pot, deserve everything that's coming to them.

If you choose to have kids make sure you can afford to house and feed them, yourself, without resorting to stealing from the taxpayer. Nobody wants to pay taxes to fund someone else's fraudulent, lavish lifestyle.

It's becoming more and more common these days that people who work to raise their families are worse off than the selfish, lazy, fraudulent "in a relationship but pretend they are not living together, to claim money they are not entitled to.

Benefit fraudsters should be jailed. They do it knowingly. If they were jailed instead of "but it's not the children's fault. What will they do without their mother"? Maybe benefit fraud would cease and genuine claimants could receive a little bit more from the pot.

Blatant thieves don't deserve loyalty.

cheeseypuff · 19/02/2019 13:59

She is committing fraud which is illegal. A crime. If she was breaking into people's houses aided by your mum would you still turn a blind eye? Or cloning credit cards? Financial crime is still crime & there is always a victim. I'm surprised at some of the attitudes on here to this.
If you don't want to shop her (& I can understand that would be hard for you all) then you need to make a supreme effort to try & convince her & your mum that what they are doing is wrong & needs to stop. Help her get debt advice & start living within their means. A poster higher up the thread is right - she WILL get caught at some point & the longer it goes on the worse it will be. Lies catch up with you eventually & it gets harder & harder to continue with them.

Elfinablender · 19/02/2019 14:00

I don't think it's ok to steal, there's some tenuous extrapolation on this thread! I just wouldn't feel personally compelled to be the person that made that call and trigged a shit show of consequences down on my family knowing that I'd be ostracized for my efforts.

Fairenuff · 19/02/2019 14:04

But I think that a family, that has shown by their actions to be not only comfortable but also complicit in the situation, might not be as understanding as to view it that way Fairenuff.

I can live without people like that in my life. It's the victim blaming culture that we live in and I would want no part of that so if my family were like that I probably wouldn't have much to do with them anyway.

I have a close family member going through cancer treatment. She's worked her whole life and now when she really needs some help from the government to see her through the last month or so of her treatment, guess what? There isn't any.

She has a job, she wants to work but she can't because she is sick. Her ssp will stop soon and then it's at least 5 weeks before she can get anything. They can't even tell her how much or if she will get any help at all. In the meantime she has to pay her rent, utilities and food.

But yeah, let's not dob our criminal family members in because, er, well they're family aren't they. That attitude is disgusting.

Theunreasonableone · 19/02/2019 14:05

It's not the fancy food they'd be missing, it's paying it all back in the best case scenario or criminal proceedings in the worst, the stress on the family, concerns about where the DC live if this comes to fruition, the DM being potentially investigated and the whole family knowing the you were the one to bring it to their door.

Then the parents shouldn't be thieving, cheating, lying scumbags then. How dare you blame someone for having some morals!

Isitsixoclockalready · 19/02/2019 14:05

Cheating the system is wrong and I'm not looking at it from the PoV of an outraged right wing tabloid reader but there is a desperate lack of funding from the government and it is sad that some people who are in genuine need will have to struggle whilst there are a (hopefully) minority of people cheating the system.

Santaclarita · 19/02/2019 14:06

Well anyone could commit fraud, pretend to be you and gain access to your account. It's very easy. Help themselves to your money job done. You gonna complain then?

It's the same thing. She is pretending to be something she is not. She is lying to gain access to money she is not entitled to. Where's the difference? Just because it's from the government?

How is she going to know anyway who told the fraud team? It's anonymous. It could have been anyone. Frankly she's got a hard neck to be pissed off about it. "how dare you tell the fraud team that I'm stealing"? How stupid does that sound?

Tara336 · 19/02/2019 14:08

As a taxpayer I’m disgusted by this her debts are not our problem, your not much better knowing she’s doing it and letting her carry on.

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 19/02/2019 14:09

FFS ANOTHER thread ?! Hmm

SweetNorthernRose · 19/02/2019 14:10

I would not hestitate for a second to report her if it was my sister, or any other person. I can't believe people would suggest otherwise! Any fall out is of her own doing, not yours. Tbh I would seriously consider whether i could maintain a relationship with someone who i knew was committing fraud like this.
Actually, what i would probably do is give her an ultimatum - stop what you're doing or i will dob you in. That way she has a chance to redeem herself slightly. It would be the only way i could continue to look her in the eye!

MeredithGrey1 · 19/02/2019 14:10

YANBU

People on here will tell you to mind your own, being a snitch is awful etc. But it's everyone else that is funding them. People like that give genuine claimants a bad name, and are taking funds that they really need.

100% agree.

Purpletigers · 19/02/2019 14:11

Can you talk to her and advise her that if she doesn’t stop someone will probably report her .
On these threads everyone moans about taxes not being paid by companies yada yada yada. The sense of entitlement is astounding. Some companies don’t pay enough tax - I have a green card to commit benefit fraud .
Her children are 5 and 2 , time she had a job to support them or at least lived with the man who helped to make them and let him support them . The number of single mothers in our local primary school who all have multiple children to the same father never fails to surprise me .ots of the posters telling you to butt out,will be doing the same thing as your sister.
She is one of the reasons genuine people are facing an horrendous struggle waiting for universal credit .

Elfinablender · 19/02/2019 14:12

That attitude is disgusting.

That's fair enough, you can think that if you like. I still couldn't bring myself to volunteer information about my sister, putting in jeopardy the well-being of the wider family, including her children, for defrauding the State.

At this point I feel like I should say something along the lines of - especially when large companies dance around tax avoidance on the fringes of legality but, tbh, I think I the first statement stands alone. Perhaps it is an over-developed sense of loyalty but fortunately for you and me, it's not something I have to worry about.

Purpletigers · 19/02/2019 14:14

Please tell me that she at least had a job for a while before having children . She didn’t just leave education, have kids and expect everything handed to her ?

spinabifidamom · 19/02/2019 14:14

Report her. Why should honest working people pay for her to muck up her life?

Elfinablender · 19/02/2019 14:15

How is she going to know anyway who told the fraud team? It's anonymous.

The op already said it would be obvious that she was the one to dob her sister in, earlier in the thread.

RomanyQueen1 · 19/02/2019 14:17

of course YABU she's your sister. I don't know how you could for shame, that's a horrible thing to do. Go tell her what you are suggesting and see how long she wants to know you for. But you won't you'll go behind her back, what a cuntish thing to do.

Wishiwasincornwall · 19/02/2019 14:18

When it came to light my brother was stealing my 93 year old grandmothers pension my mother threatened to cut all contact with me and my children if I reported it to the authorities.

I reported him.

How can people sit there and say that because it is family you should keep quiet?

What if it was a different crime? Would we be expected to harbour an armed robber because they share DNA?