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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister is committing benefit fraud

317 replies

Ellabella989 · 19/02/2019 12:19

My sister has 2 kids and is in a relationship with their father who earns around 50k per year. They all live together in privately rented accommodation (in his name) however my sister pretends to still live with the kids at my parent’s house so she can claim benefits.
They have horrendous debts between them because they live totally outwith their means (2 nice cars on finance, holidays on credit cards, eating out multiple times a week etc. The children are very spoilt with toys and clothes too).

I love my sister but I feel total rage at this situation. I know I should just keep my nose out of it but it all just feels so wrong. AIBU to want to anonymously dob her in?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ellabella989 · 19/02/2019 12:38

@elfinablender maybe read the thread before commenting. I’ve alrwady said I wouldn’t ever actually dob her in but I just feel pissed off about it all!

OP posts:
daisypond · 19/02/2019 12:39

Even if it does impact on your nieces' lives, that is the parents' responsibility. It's important to show that actions have consequences. Family members and friends can still provide some treats for the nieces if they want. But I agree with most people - it's stealing. Stealing from people at large and stealing from you too, as her sister. 50K is a huge salary compared to most people as well.

TulipsTulipsTulips · 19/02/2019 12:41

This would make me so upset. She is committing a criminal offence which puts the entire family at risk.

Elfinablender · 19/02/2019 12:41

I read, I'm just aghast by it even as a hypothetical situation and shocked that other posters would encourage you to do this, as though the social fall-out wouldn't shake the whole family.

Obviouspretzel · 19/02/2019 12:41

Reporting your own sister to the authorities. Feeling a bigger sense of loyalty to the state than your own family. So weird to me. Whether what she is doing is wrong or not. Which it obviously is.

CoolJule43 · 19/02/2019 12:42

Being reported is probably the best thing that could possibly happen to them and the sooner the better.
If they let it carry on the fine and/or reimbursement will be greater.

I would do it as long as I could do it anonymously.

It cannot go on forever. They need to learn to live within their means and take responsibility. Kids need time and support far more than nice things.

PinkiOcelot · 19/02/2019 12:43

That’s bloody disgusting. No wonder this country is in the state it’s in. She’ll be the tip of the iceberg. There’ll be thousands doing exactly the same.
Always the actual genuine benefit claimants who get sanctioned as well! Sickens me!!

Fairenuff · 19/02/2019 12:45

Feeling a bigger sense of loyalty to the state than your own family

Most criminals have family. The fact is that people just don't see benefit fraud as criminal. They have a sense of entitlement.

And their family members share that sense of entitlement. It's the 'I'm alright Jack' attitude. Sod everyone else.

Theunreasonableone · 19/02/2019 12:45

Obviously you know unequivocally that your sister is committing benefit fraud in this way. When the situation is as straightforward as the one described in you OP I cannot, for one second, understand the shouts of "mind your own business". It's utter bullshit! It's everyone's business when the Government (and in turn you, as the tax payer) are being defrauded of millions a year.

oh4forkssake · 19/02/2019 12:45

The benefits helps her to be able to treat them to nice things etc

She should be utterly ashamed of herself. I honestly don't know how people who do this sleep at night.

YANBU OP

RedPanda2 · 19/02/2019 12:45

I really hope they don't blame 'forreners' for taking jobd whilst also stealing money. Because it is theft and you should call her out on it. She needs to grow up and face her debts, get a job and pay them off

Obviouspretzel · 19/02/2019 12:47

@Fairenuff I didn't say that I didn't see it as criminal though.

SpanielEars070 · 19/02/2019 12:47

I'd confront her and say if she doesn't stop, you'll report her.

Give her the choice.

At the end of the day, she's got no moral high ground has she?

Chaffymcchaff · 19/02/2019 12:48

Posters who say 'they will get caught'...not necessarily! I know of two families (distant relatives) that have done this for over 10 years and still haven't been caught. It enrages me too...I've been 'this' close to reporting on many occasions, but know that the fall out for the children will be huge. I'm still on the fence, as I'm brassic and they have the latest everything...two big cars, iPhones, huge smart TVs etc. But I know it's my own demons that make me feel this way...and have a word with myself! One day, with any luck, the authorities will catch up with them though and I can stop 😤 😡

TulipsTulipsTulips · 19/02/2019 12:48

OP have you confronted your sister and does she realise she’s committing a crime that could lead to a prison sentence?

Theunreasonableone · 19/02/2019 12:49

I read, I'm just aghast by it even as a hypothetical situation and shocked that other posters would encourage you to do this, as though the social fall-out wouldn't shake the whole family

Because, when her sister is eventually caught, which she will be, it wouldn't be worse for the children if mum and grandparents are in prison then?

TrickyD · 19/02/2019 12:49

As usual, plenty of posters telling you to keep your nose out.
I always assume they are up to the same cheating, criminal game.

LivingOnAnIsland · 19/02/2019 12:49

Report her. She's taking benefits from people who actually need them.

TulipsTulipsTulips · 19/02/2019 12:50

How does she justify spending taxpayers money on holidays when so many hard working (honest) families can’t afford them?

Fairenuff · 19/02/2019 12:50

I didn't say that I didn't see it as criminal though.

No but you think she shouldn't report the criminal activity.

She is technically a witness to a crime and you think the person is entitled to get away with that crime because they are a family member.

Of course if that person was a complete stranger, you would want her to report them stealing from the needy would you not?

Original poster
Ellabella989 · 19/02/2019 12:51

@tulips she knows 100% that it’s a crime and she’s treading on thin ice with it. It definitely gives her anxiety that she might get caught one day, yet she doesn’t seem to be arsed to rectify the situation in any way.
I try to scare her sometimes by telling her I’ve heard that someone I know has been done for benefit fraud and is in serious trouble. I worry that if I did ever report her she would work out it was me and it would cause world war 3. No one knows what she is up to other than my family members

OP posts:
MissLanesAmericanCousin · 19/02/2019 12:51

Who the hell are you?
The KGB?
Where is your loyalty for Christ sake???!!!!
Shock Confused

BigusBumus · 19/02/2019 12:53

I would report it if it were a stranger - its just massive greed and illegal.

However if it was my sister, I would have a very strong word (a row) about it and warn her that someone will find out and report her in the end.

Obviouspretzel · 19/02/2019 12:53

@Fairenuff I don't think she should do anything, it's really up to her. I just can't understand the mindset of people who would shop their own family members for stuff like this.

Elfinablender · 19/02/2019 12:56

No Grin I'm an ordinary, tax-paying worker who is not eligible for benefits, I don't say "forrinners", and I even voted remain. Sorry to kill your bingo card.