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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be contacted by PIL about this whilst on holiday?

264 replies

Holidayrage · 18/02/2019 21:16

We (me, DH, 3DC) are currently abroad on holiday and have been since Friday. To avoid drip feeding, DH and I both work, DH is full time and I work 4 days per week. I am 21 weeks into a stressful pregnancy, having suffered a partial placental abruption at 19 weeks. As a result I am having to take things very easy. Plus, this is the only chance we will get for a family break until the end of May.

PIL called this evening and apparently want to talk to me about liability insurance. This has nothing to do with my area of work at all, but apparently as I am a solicitor they want to ask me. This has now caused a row with DH as apparently I am being very unreasonable in not wanting to deal with this whilst on holiday. Honestly when I saw the number come up I thought they must be calling with bad news...since we saw them only 3 days ago (the day we left) and are back on Friday anyway.

So, mumsnet jury, AIBU not to want to be bothered on holiday about this?!

OP posts:
areyoureallysaying · 19/02/2019 16:40

Get over yourself!
How much energy does it take to simply have a little chat on the phone and explain that its not really your field but maybe you can have a look when you get back.
I haven't read all the thread because the Mumsnet "hate inlaws /parents" thing really boils my blood!

Contraceptionismyfriend · 19/02/2019 16:42

Because I would consider it rude to even bring this non issue up when I was on holiday!
Especially if I was at risk of losing my baby.
I'd be even more curious at DH for making promises on my behalf.

Italiangreyhound · 19/02/2019 16:44

areyoureallysaying

"How much energy does it take to simply have a little chat on the phone ..."

Maybe just too much, when you are on holiday and are pregnant "...stressful pregnancy, having suffered a partial placental abruption at 19 weeks..." and they saw you a few days ago and will see you again in a few days.

areyoureallysaying · 19/02/2019 16:44

Its awful for the OP to be in a position that she may lose her baby.
However a quick phonecall will not make that happen and would have actually caused probably less stress than ignoring it and getting worked up by reading all the posts on here

Contraceptionismyfriend · 19/02/2019 16:46

I'd have sent a text. I am not dealing with to this now call me when I'm back

No stress. Very simple boundary.

Uptheapplesandpears · 19/02/2019 16:47

That assumes the OP knows someone whose area it is and who she feels is worth recommending bertrand, which is not a given. Even if she does, she shouldn't really be telling someone that a particular professional will be able to help them, as that's not an assurance she can give.

areyoureallysaying · 19/02/2019 16:47

Yep text could work if they use texts (my mum wouldnt have a clue)

ReflectentMonatomism · 19/02/2019 17:39

It's also remarkable how the elderly who are often to be found complaining about mobile phones (terrible, don't have one, don't leave it turned on, people are so rude these days, I have a box by the door and everyone has to leave theirs there, whatever happened to conversation) are also very quick to take advantage of people having mobile phones that are turned on when it comes to contacting their relatives.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/02/2019 17:42

Bertrand you have this completely wrong. However elderly and vulnerable they might be, as this is not OPs area, then nothing other than a 'this is not my area' in response to a request for legal advice is appropriate

Which is what the OP should have either said on the phone last night/got her husband to tell his parents that/or texted the message to them.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/02/2019 17:44

Because I would consider it rude to even bring this non issue up when I was on holiday!
Especially if I was at risk of losing my baby

Are you honestly saying that the phone call could put the OP at risk of losing her baby?

Alsohuman · 19/02/2019 17:50

It’s not in the slightest remarkable that “the elderly” (new species?) call people’s mobiles when they insist on being available at all times. There have been numerous complaints about being called or texted when in labour. Turn the bloody phone off if you don’t want to be disturbed.

Uptheapplesandpears · 19/02/2019 18:00

Yes I would have got DH to say this too. Texted if they text.

Original poster
Holidayrage · 19/02/2019 20:04

Just to say that my in laws are not elderly or in any way vulnerable, which would be a completely different ball game. They are both recently retired professionals in their mid 60s and in full possession of all their faculties.

I would of course have no problem talking to them on any of the 340 days a year we are not away, it just feels very intrusive to be contacted on holiday, particularly in the current circumstances.

OP posts:
babybabybaby1 · 19/02/2019 21:24

@Holidayrage
Only chance we will get for a family break until end of may
Well aren't you lucky. Some of us get a night away together per year (if we're lucky)

areyoureallysaying · 19/02/2019 21:30

Holidayrage
Intrusive? really ?
That's a word I might use if it was work trying to contact me, but they are your family !

IHateUncleJamie · 19/02/2019 21:41

Wow. There are some really snippy judgy arses on this thread. The OP asked a question; she did not ask for holier-than-though-nonsense about how unkind she is, how her poor frail elderly in laws might be fretting, whether she should have gone abroad, how she travelled or is she entitled to have a bloody holiday in the first place.

Bertrand, you banging on about whether you should have ignored your daughter is just whataboutery. You are a parent; it’s your job to help your child in an emergency. That is not the same as the OP not wishing to be disturbed about trivial insurance questions by her 60-ish PILs on a matter that could have waited. They are not the OPs children and she has herself and her own DCs to look after.

All those banging on about kindness and insisting quite nastily that the OP is hugely unreasonable clearly have relatives who are thoughtful and don’t trample over boundaries (lucky you) OR are massive CFs themselves and don’t think it’s thoughtless to disturb people on holiday to ask work related questions. There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries and people should respect these.

OP next time I suggest a cruise where no CFs can get hold of you unless it’s a REAL emergency. 😆 Anyway, wishing you all the best with your pregnancy and hope the rest of your holiday is lovely (and peaceful).

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 19/02/2019 21:42

But family trying to contact her about WORK, not about family - really not much different to work trying to contact her, because it's making her have to THINK about work.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 19/02/2019 22:02

Family should be the FIRST people to respect basic boundaries.

cuppycakey · 19/02/2019 22:06

YANBU OP

I would send a quick response saying "Not my area,no idea, sorry" and then block the fuckers.

ToPlanZ · 19/02/2019 22:21

Babybabybaby1 - what has the infrequency of your holidays got to do with the OP's problems? Comes across as very bitter and resentful. Some people get to have more holidays, some less. It doesn't mean that those who go away two, three or more times a year should have a rubbish time just because they've had the temerity to have more trips away than you does it!?

Hi OP

Some really mean comments on here. Your in laws were rude. They know you are sick and should be resting. They didn't ring up for a jovial chat, they rang up to talk about work, forcing you back mentally into work mode. They didn't know how long it would take to discuss it or how much further research it would take (for all those saying oh it's only a five minute chat). If they are professionals then they should absolutely, clearly understand that you have a higher duty of care as a solicitor and that giving off the cuff advice, well simply isn't advisable!

Frankly your DP should have said, we're back in a few days, Holidayrage really does need to completely rest, we'll talk to you once we're back. Instead you've had your holiday disturbed, which is irritating, then your partner compounded the stress by throwing a strop.

I dearly love my in laws but because I'm capable they do make constant demands on my free time (which is very limited anyway), but to be fair to my DH, he does try to intercept these and sort at least some of them out himself. However even they would blanch at ringing up mid holiday for something that wasn't urgent.

SaturdayNext · 20/02/2019 07:14

Well aren't you lucky. Some of us get a night away together per year (if we're lucky)

So what? It's utterly irrelevant to anything to do with this thread.

Bahhhhhumbug · 20/02/2019 08:09

they asked me a very technical question about liability insurance and contractual clauses, about which I had literally no idea. I (politely) talked it through with them
I don't understand, if you had no idea how did you talk it through with them. Surely should have just been a quick'l have no idea'. Have you spoken to your dh about boundaries, because he trampled all over yours telling them you would ring when you'd said you didn't want to, how dare he.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 20/02/2019 08:21

Yes it’s very contradictory. How do you talk through something that you have no idea about and isn’t in your field?
Why the OP didn’t explain this I don’t understand. Just bizarre, especially after starting a thread due to your outrage along with the apt NC. Odd.

Snugglepiggy · 20/02/2019 08:37

Sorry Holiday rage.I really hope you get to relax and your pregnancy goes well.But you must have spent more time on this thread reading all the replies than a quick chat with your ILs initially to say it's not your area of expertise and after your holiday you will get them a contact that can help.Do you like your ILs,would they help if you got stuck with DCs.?
My FIL got a bit demanding after retirement in that he would phone if his computer played up etc and expect it DH to sort it .But on balance he was a good man,and a lovely grandpa.Very generous to us in many ways.You get what you give.
They shouldn't have rung you on holiday,but it's your DH you seem angriest with.For the sake of if the stress free holiday you want try to let it go now.

Fiveredbricks · 20/02/2019 08:45

Yanbu OP. Some of the replies on this thread are outright bizarre and some are clearly on the halfterm sherry.

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