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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be contacted by PIL about this whilst on holiday?

264 replies

Holidayrage · 18/02/2019 21:16

We (me, DH, 3DC) are currently abroad on holiday and have been since Friday. To avoid drip feeding, DH and I both work, DH is full time and I work 4 days per week. I am 21 weeks into a stressful pregnancy, having suffered a partial placental abruption at 19 weeks. As a result I am having to take things very easy. Plus, this is the only chance we will get for a family break until the end of May.

PIL called this evening and apparently want to talk to me about liability insurance. This has nothing to do with my area of work at all, but apparently as I am a solicitor they want to ask me. This has now caused a row with DH as apparently I am being very unreasonable in not wanting to deal with this whilst on holiday. Honestly when I saw the number come up I thought they must be calling with bad news...since we saw them only 3 days ago (the day we left) and are back on Friday anyway.

So, mumsnet jury, AIBU not to want to be bothered on holiday about this?!

OP posts:
RomanyQueen1 · 19/02/2019 11:51

I couldn't cope with your husband OP, you have problems there, he's a right arse.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/02/2019 11:52

Not only would I not call them I'd now point blank to assist them in anything. Punishment for being so dam excited entitled and rude

It looks like the OP has more sense than you after all. As if you’d punish family for that.

BertrandRussell · 19/02/2019 11:57

I can only hope people get this stuff out of their systems on here and actually behave like normal human beings in real life!

stillworkingitout · 19/02/2019 11:58

I hear you. They shouldn’t have called, your husband is being unreasonable, but they have called now, and if it were me I would just try and deal with it quickly (if possible). If it’s a long thing then I’d just say that it needs to wait until you return.

My FiL often asks me (what I consider to be) really bizarre questions about legal things (not a lawyer), tenant issues, building problems. Last time they were here he was asking questions while I was busy in the kitchen. I was kind of answering while doing other things. My DH actually stepped in and suggested that I didn’t know the answer and that it was strange he kept asking me random stuff. I just thought it was a strange attempt at making conversation. My FiL’s response was that I’m the only one who ever gives sensible answers and good advice about anything and once again I’d given him a really good idea. I was a bit taken aback as we have quite a formal and frosty relationship. Maybe he does like me after all, who knew?! So maybe this is similar, maybe that even though it’s not your field they think you’re the best person to trust. Would be better if they didn’t disturb your holiday though!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/02/2019 12:00

Lets hope so! Some of them come across as unhinged.

pictish · 19/02/2019 12:00

Contraception you sound a real peach. Hmm

Dotty1970 · 19/02/2019 12:04

BertrandRussell

I can only hope people get this stuff out of their systems on here and actually behave like normal human beings in real life!

definitely thisGrin

downcasteyes · 19/02/2019 12:07

I have the opposite perspective: I can't believe you lot think it would be OK to ring your DIL on holiday, while she was trying to get a rest from a difficult pregnancy! Either the matter is urgent, in which case it requires someone who actually has legal expertise in the area (which OP does not, she said that above) or it is not urgent and it can wait.

Bet you lot end up like those embittered Gransnetters who just can't understand why DIL doesn't want to see them with the grandkids.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/02/2019 12:29

Ouch nasty person downcasteyes!

All the OP had to do was text them to say sorry not my field, her DH could have typed the bloody text for her!

Contraceptionismyfriend · 19/02/2019 12:44

Cheeky fuckers have to learn boundaries the hard way.
Someone who would bug a HR pregnant woman on a well needed holiday for such a trivial manner need to learn fast and hard.

Her DH is being a twat as well.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 19/02/2019 12:45

But DH didn't do that did he?
He threw a strop. Put OP under more stress and demanded she call the next day.

Alsohuman · 19/02/2019 12:50

It's all been sorted now with minimal drama and OP has her feet up.

lboogy · 19/02/2019 12:51

Yanbu. Who wants to use their brain while on holiday! That's why you've gone on holiday in the first place .

BertrandRussell · 19/02/2019 13:02

So, contraception, should I have done the same to my adult dd who rang me to help with a landlord problem while I was on holiday? Or is it on,y pils who are cheeky fuckers when they need help?

Contraceptionismyfriend · 19/02/2019 13:22

How urgent was the problem?
This was not urgent in the slightest.

oh4forkssake · 19/02/2019 13:27

@Holidayrage glad to hear the problem has gone away and that you're getting to relax. Very best of luck for the rest of the pregnancy - look after yourself.

cansu · 19/02/2019 13:30

It is a phone call. It won't cause you Any exhaustion. I am sure your in laws have on occasion helped you at slightly inconvenient times.

BertrandRussell · 19/02/2019 13:31

“How urgent was the problem?
This was not urgent in the slightest.”

A) how do you know?
B) problems can seem very urgent if you are old and fretting. And no, I don’t know if they were. But neither do you.

FinallyHere · 19/02/2019 13:31

Do some people reading and posting on these threads honestly not understand the different between doing something kind for an elderly member of the family (make cup of tea, give lift, pick up some shopping) and giving professional advice, outside your own liability insurance or that of your employer, and without an engagement letter or its equivalent?

But long before you consider what is being requested, I would never offer someone else's help, least of all DH's, without checking with the person in whose gift the offer lies.

In this instance, the 'DH' has all the pleasure and kudos of offering help, without being in any position to deliver and then gets in a strop when thwarted. Ye gods.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 19/02/2019 13:38

A) how do you know?
B) problems can seem very urgent if you are old and fretting. And no, I don’t know if they were. But neither do you.

Maybe it appeared urgent. At which point I would say I'm on holiday if it's an emergency contact someone professional.

It doesn't matter if they're an old fretting person. They can still learn that holiday time is do not disturb.

BertrandRussell · 19/02/2019 13:50

“It doesn't matter if they're an old fretting person. They can still learn that holiday time is do not disturb.”

Fuck me, that’s a shitty attitude you’ve got there! Good luck with that.

downcasteyes · 19/02/2019 13:56

It's not a shitty attitude. Just because someone is older doesn't mean they are less responsible for maintaining emotional control, does it? They are still, presumably, compos mentis adults? Just because I am feeling a bit anxious about something does not give me a right to ring everyone in my address book/disturb friends and family on holiday/demand that the timescale of my emotional reaction is more important than everyone else's day. Behaviour like that is massively selfish and self-centred!

If the PIL aren't compos mentis adults who are capable of emotional control, then presumably they are in some kind of care.

Uptheapplesandpears · 19/02/2019 16:33

Bertrand you have this completely wrong. However elderly and vulnerable they might be, as this is not OPs area, then nothing other than a 'this is not my area' in response to a request for legal advice is appropriate. Perhaps the details of a specialist if she knows one off the top of her head, which is by no means certain. I'm a solicitor and I don't. But there is no way she should be offering reassurance in relation to an area of law she doesnt practice. That would be completely irresponsible. You sound ridiculous saying this is an example of how badly some women treat their in laws. What it actually shows us is the lack of understanding some people have about profession conduct regulations.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 19/02/2019 16:37

Why the hell is it shitty?

An elderly relative is not my responsibility! I have two kids. I'm pregnant with my third and if I am on holiday (AL 3 Days to go!!) you had better believe that I am on no fuckers beck and call!
If someone called me and said my much much loved Nanna was in hospital I'd be on the first flight back.

But if my 86yo Nanna who often gets worked up over absolutely nothing called then I'd be telling her to calm down it's not important and I'll deal with it when I get back.

The ageism on here is disgraceful. They're old so obviously can't respect social norms or boundaries.

BertrandRussell · 19/02/2019 16:40

“I’m really sorry, that’s not my area. Try X- she’ll be able to help you”

Incidentally, the OP seems to have been perfectly happy to thank them through this thing that she “knows nothing about” this morning. How incredibly unprofessional of her.