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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be contacted by PIL about this whilst on holiday?

264 replies

Holidayrage · 18/02/2019 21:16

We (me, DH, 3DC) are currently abroad on holiday and have been since Friday. To avoid drip feeding, DH and I both work, DH is full time and I work 4 days per week. I am 21 weeks into a stressful pregnancy, having suffered a partial placental abruption at 19 weeks. As a result I am having to take things very easy. Plus, this is the only chance we will get for a family break until the end of May.

PIL called this evening and apparently want to talk to me about liability insurance. This has nothing to do with my area of work at all, but apparently as I am a solicitor they want to ask me. This has now caused a row with DH as apparently I am being very unreasonable in not wanting to deal with this whilst on holiday. Honestly when I saw the number come up I thought they must be calling with bad news...since we saw them only 3 days ago (the day we left) and are back on Friday anyway.

So, mumsnet jury, AIBU not to want to be bothered on holiday about this?!

OP posts:
Juells · 19/02/2019 07:56

Why is are so many women telling another woman to play nice?

Because it sounds like a storm in a teacup, and very easy to sort out. "Don't know anything about that, sorry, talk to an insurance broker"

CuriousaboutSamphire · 19/02/2019 08:03

Juells I thought OP had said something similar to her DH... who is still insisting she has the conversation with his DPs.

How often should she say that? Why should she have to say it at all? Her DH could have told his parents to wait a couple of days.

Am I the only one who thinks it is odd to ring someone when they are away on holiday?

downcasteyes · 19/02/2019 08:05

This is not a practical issue to do with the PIL and their (unreasonable) demand.

It's an issue with a partner who does not understand that OP has gone on holiday for what sounds like desperately needed downtime. The advice that she is being asked to give is professional advice - i.e. this is her job. It is not unreasonable for her to not want to do this at a time when she is consciously trying to avoid work and get a rest, particularly given the medical and personal circumstances aroudn this break.

I don't know how many of you work stressful jobs, but it's really important to put some effort into getting quality downtime when you do. I used to have an extremely busy role, and I would honestly not ever fully switch off - I'd wake up in the middle of the night, thinking about my 'to do' list or pondering a problem. It was only when I was on holiday that I really got time away. Being asked to deal with even a small part of my job would put me right back into that stressed mindset, and effectively decrease the effect of being on a break.

(Now that I have a much more pleasant and lower stress role, this is much better, and I don't tend to worry about work outside of working hours nearly so much).

To be honest, if the PIL need this that urgently, they should have brought it up before OP went on holiday. If they are that disorganised, that's on them.

Frouby · 19/02/2019 08:05

I would probably have just answered it there and then.

It's not important to the op but it's obviously important to the pils.

It's either a quick question you know the answer to or it's not. Of it's not just say you will ask X when you are back at work. If it's a quick question then answer it.

I get asked all sorts of questions by my family. From everything to Universal Credit, employment issues, health issues, moral questions, questions about pets health.

Not because I am a vet, or a benefits adviser or employment specialist or a healthcare professional. But because I might know a little bit more than them, or because if I don't I can usually refer them to where they can get the right information. There is always someone in any family who is more knowledgeable about stuff, and they get the daft questions.

I don't mind, they are my family and I love them even though they are a pita sometimes.

stopitandtidyupp · 19/02/2019 08:06

Why is are so many women telling another woman to play nice?

Would tell a man or a child to ' play nice ' to it doesn't all have to come down to gender.

Op I understand why you are frustrated I would be too. It will hang over your head until you are back anyway so you may as well deal with it. I also agree your husband is at fault for not casting it off straight away.

BertrandRussell · 19/02/2019 08:08

“Am I the only one who thinks it is odd to ring someone when they are away on holiday?”

Can’t say without more data. If the parents are elderly and fretting then the kind thing to do is reassure them. It’s what happens in families. My dd once rang me in a panic when I was on holiday because she had a problem with her landlord. I presume I should have said “Either wait til I get back or pay someone to sort it out for you. Bye”. Or just not answered the phone.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 19/02/2019 08:10

I presume I should have said “Either wait til I get back or pay someone to sort it out for you. Bye” And as OPs DH was the one who spoke to his parents he could have said precisely that.

Instead he has chosen to make it a burning issue...

downcasteyes · 19/02/2019 08:20

A child or young adult in a panic is not the same as a full grown person with life experience wanting advice on a non-urgent legal issue. But yes, getting children to stand on their own two feet and gradually to face ordinary situations alone after the age of 18 is part of the 'growing up' process of developing resilience and confidence. Of course, exceptional and highly emotive situations are an exception.

llangennith · 19/02/2019 08:30

So, mumsnet jury, AIBU not to want to be bothered on holiday about this?

This is the OP's question and surely everyone would agree that she is absolutely NOT being unreasonable.

BertrandRussell · 19/02/2019 08:38

“A child or young adult in a panic is not the same as a full grown person with life experience wanting advice on a non-urgent legal issue”

What about an elderly person fretting?

BertrandRussell · 19/02/2019 08:39

“This is the OP's question and surely everyone would agree that she is absolutely NOT being unreasonable”

I don’t see how we can possibly agree unless we know the state of mind of the person calling and the urgency of the problem.

NewPapaGuinea · 19/02/2019 08:43

A holiday is a mental and physical break from work and even thinking about work can contradict that. So yes, I agree you’re NOT being unreasonable to not undertake this request.

M4J4 · 19/02/2019 08:47

If you speak to them now you will just be a pushover enabling their behaviour.

BertrandRussell · 19/02/2019 08:52

“If you speak to them now you will just be a pushover enabling their behaviour.”
Or a kind person spending 10 minutes to help a worried family member. It’s all in the viewpoint, really.

Janecon · 19/02/2019 08:54

'Enabling their behaviour' - really?

I can't believe all this angst over a quick phone call.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 19/02/2019 08:56

Thing is it doesnt matter now who rings who as the damage has been done.The OP has had her holiday interrupted and is angry with DH for not telling them to bugger off and the DH is angry with OP for his perception of her being unreasonable so hardly a happy time with this friction gong on....Well done Inlaws....fucked up a days holiday caused bad feeling and marital discourse by being demanding .....meanwhile inlaws will be sat dunking their digestives over morning coffee in the conservatory totally effing oblivious to the ructions they have caused ....sorry OP I feel for you I really do.

pepperjack · 19/02/2019 08:58

How unfriendly are you
You've expended more energy on this thread than having a conversation with them.
Ridiculous

Alsohuman · 19/02/2019 08:59

It’s pretty easy, if you don’t want to be contacted on holiday, turn your phone off.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/02/2019 09:04

As it isn’t the field the OP works in there wouldn’t have been any long and exhausting conversation anyway! The anger is more to do with them ringing. Which is just odd.

3timeslucky · 19/02/2019 09:05

YANBU. You're on holiday. This is not an emergency and will hold til you're back.

And then if you feel you can't help with this, you can explain that it isn't your area of expertise and they should talk to someone else.

oh4forkssake · 19/02/2019 09:07

For those wondering about the flight, since when is it necessary to fly to go abroad? There are things call boats. Oh, and a train.

OP, YANBU. Does your DH continue to check work emails/take calls while he's away? My DH is really bad at switching off. And I confess, other than Christmas I tend to check emails occasionally. Depending on his role, and whether he does, he mightn't take the same view as you. But it's your choice whether or not you take the call, not his, and he's being very unreasonable.

Tixywixy · 19/02/2019 09:07

You're not being unreasonable at all OP. If you gave them incorrect advice as it's not your area of expertise then they'd blame you. Plus I'm sure it's something that can wait. The fact your husband went off the deep end suggests they'll give him a hard time about it, ie they're not easy people. Stick to your guns OP. And tell your DH he should be backing you, not them.

pepperjack · 19/02/2019 09:08

Actually I'd call you a weirdo too
I think this is utterly bizarre

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/02/2019 09:11

I’m surprised the OP went abroad given her recent part placental abruption, however she got there.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/02/2019 09:16

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe Jesus wept you sound absolutely bonkers.