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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be contacted by PIL about this whilst on holiday?

264 replies

Holidayrage · 18/02/2019 21:16

We (me, DH, 3DC) are currently abroad on holiday and have been since Friday. To avoid drip feeding, DH and I both work, DH is full time and I work 4 days per week. I am 21 weeks into a stressful pregnancy, having suffered a partial placental abruption at 19 weeks. As a result I am having to take things very easy. Plus, this is the only chance we will get for a family break until the end of May.

PIL called this evening and apparently want to talk to me about liability insurance. This has nothing to do with my area of work at all, but apparently as I am a solicitor they want to ask me. This has now caused a row with DH as apparently I am being very unreasonable in not wanting to deal with this whilst on holiday. Honestly when I saw the number come up I thought they must be calling with bad news...since we saw them only 3 days ago (the day we left) and are back on Friday anyway.

So, mumsnet jury, AIBU not to want to be bothered on holiday about this?!

OP posts:
blackteaplease · 19/02/2019 06:21

I wouldn't ring back if it was my ILs or my family. Holiday time is for me, my dh and my kids to spend relaxing time together without stress. The only interruptions should be for emergencies.

I would send one of the suggested texts up thread and then forget about it. If your dh pushes for you to help, he can do the research in his own time. Or, it can wait til you get back.

PenelopeFlintstone · 19/02/2019 06:22

people want favours, mates rates, free advice
but this is her husband's parents, her children's grandparents - not some vague acquaintance trying to cadge free advice.
Weird.
And I love talking to my friends when I'm on hoiliday. Is it supposed to be sacred no-friends time? I'd hate that.

user1497787065 · 19/02/2019 06:24

What is the big deal? Just speak to them, deal with it, forget it.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/02/2019 06:24

It’s no wonder there’s so many of you with problems with your PILs if this is how you are.

Some of you come across as really angry, get it into perspective what was actually asked here.

blackteaplease · 19/02/2019 06:25

@PenelopeFlintsone that's exactly what I want from a holiday. No contact with the world and a total break.

Springwalk · 19/02/2019 06:26

Of course they should wait!

Unless it is an absolute emergency they shouldn’t have rang you at all. Dh is being completely U

Relax op, put your feet up and turn off your phone.

Springwalk · 19/02/2019 06:29

greatduck some of us need to fully relax and not be on call to the whole world 247.

A holiday is the one and only opportunity to check out. The quickest way to burn out is not to know when to stop.

We do the same at weekends as well greatduck, not just holidays. And it is amazing to be liberated. Try it some time.

PersonaNonGarter · 19/02/2019 06:30

OP, does your DH work full time?

Holidays are so critical. I would be so put out in your shoes. Offering advice like that won’t take 5mins. What were they thinking. Text them saying you don’t know about it.

snitzelvoncrumb · 19/02/2019 06:30

Maybe say let me look into it, and I will get back to you. Then tell your dh you need a minute to do some research and you can spend an hour on here.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/02/2019 06:47

A text back saying something on lines of “sorry PILs but can’t help with that as it’s not my field, see you soon” would have sufficed, DH could have typed the message for the OP if needed!

Janecon · 19/02/2019 06:50

It's one call half way through the week; they're not calling you repeatedly. I'd just give them a quick call back.

FinallyHere · 19/02/2019 06:52

Wot @AnneLovesGilbert says

Have you asked him why his parents and their stupid problem is more important than his exhausted pregnant wife getting an essential break?

No excuse for disturbing you on holiday, especially with something that is not your area.

As for what DH thinks he is up to, offering your advice rather than saying, Im not sure, Ill ask and see whether... to set the expectation.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 19/02/2019 06:56

If you have a colleague who can help them out with their insurance query, I'd ask colleague if it would be ok to give their details to your inlaws

I wouldn't even do this TBH.

The only good reason for disturbing someone's holiday is death or disaster.

In fact, not always then either. NDN asked us to look after their three cats when they went away which we were happy to do. One of them, very elderly, died. We didn't contact them even though we had an emergency number, because it would have ruined their hols - it's not as though they could have, or would have wanted to probably, rush back.

We did wait in until they returned so that we could tell them before they went in and found him missing.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/02/2019 06:57

Have you asked him why his parents and their stupid problem is more important than his exhausted pregnant wife getting an essential break?

The dramatics are laughable! Get this into perspective, a few minutes speaking on the phone isn’t going to impact on the OP’s “exhaustion”.

There will be a back story I bet behind all of this.

Juells · 19/02/2019 07:00

I'm surprised the OP risked flying abroad for a holiday when she'd had such a recent medical scare. I'd be afraid of being stranded in an emergency :(

BertrandRussell · 19/02/2019 07:01

At least this thread will serve one useful function. It’s proof of the awful way some (note I say some) women treat their in laws.

Weirdwonders · 19/02/2019 07:02

You spent longer poster this on Mumsnet than it would to speak to them and say ‘sorry, that’s not my area of expertise’. You can’t be that exhausted.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/02/2019 07:09

Yes I’m surprised the OP had the all clear to fly too.

anniehm · 19/02/2019 07:10

Unless it's urgent, as in they are being sued it can wait until you are back or he should send an email/text with the question which is less invasive. However I suspect he forgot you were away when he dialled, it's easy done only remembering when you answered

rookiemere · 19/02/2019 07:44

Oh lord I would hate this.

My DPs sometimes stay in our house when we're away and as they are elderly call at the slightest whiff of something that they aren't sure about. Most surreal moment was trying to talk them through opening the stair gate ( for dog that was at dog sitters) which I'd already shown them whilst being shouted at by french cinema man - was in cinema foyer as we'd had the temerity to go out and watch a movie whilst on holiday.

I know it sounds horribly mean, but we deserve a holiday too and the right to switch off. In ye olden days before mobile phones your PIL would have had to either wait until you came back or asked someone else and somehow they'd have coped

gudrunandtheseeress · 19/02/2019 07:47

Perhaps conversations have been had off stage and DH has either suggested or agreed to them contacting you about this.

Does DH have any particular interest in what they are trying to find about?

AuntieCJ · 19/02/2019 07:48

I really don't get why you are so angry about this. Just say you'll help when you get home. Your poor DH.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 19/02/2019 07:50

Crikey!

Why is are so many women telling another woman to play nice?

I can't imagine many men happily taking such a phone call whilst on holiday abroad

Come to think of it I can't imagine that many people would even consider making that phone call in the first place!

Whoops75 · 19/02/2019 07:51

Polite but firm treatment of inlaws/management of inlaws Is necessary when they don’t think of anyone else.

Unless it was an emergency which it doesn’t appear to be then it is very entitled cheeky fuckery from them and the op is right to prioritize her holiday.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 19/02/2019 07:51

I really don't get why you are so angry about this. Just say you'll help when you get home. Your poor DH. Possibly because 'poor DH' has insisted she deals with it more immediately!