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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be contacted by PIL about this whilst on holiday?

264 replies

Holidayrage · 18/02/2019 21:16

We (me, DH, 3DC) are currently abroad on holiday and have been since Friday. To avoid drip feeding, DH and I both work, DH is full time and I work 4 days per week. I am 21 weeks into a stressful pregnancy, having suffered a partial placental abruption at 19 weeks. As a result I am having to take things very easy. Plus, this is the only chance we will get for a family break until the end of May.

PIL called this evening and apparently want to talk to me about liability insurance. This has nothing to do with my area of work at all, but apparently as I am a solicitor they want to ask me. This has now caused a row with DH as apparently I am being very unreasonable in not wanting to deal with this whilst on holiday. Honestly when I saw the number come up I thought they must be calling with bad news...since we saw them only 3 days ago (the day we left) and are back on Friday anyway.

So, mumsnet jury, AIBU not to want to be bothered on holiday about this?!

OP posts:
PBobs · 19/02/2019 00:11

All these people saying OP should answer the PIL's question - do you all take work questions and calls whilst on holiday? What a ridiculous notion. Just because it's family it doesn't make this a non-work situation. Some of us treat even the most "casual" enquiries around our field of expertise as work questions. OP is on holiday for a week or two I would imagine - are we really saying this cannot wait? Sounds like PILs using any excuse they can to keep in contact with OP and her family. And OP's H is a piece of work.

DishingOutDone · 19/02/2019 00:22

What a pair of entitled twats!

halfwitpicker · 19/02/2019 00:26

Yeah fuck that.

YANBU.

Redcampions · 19/02/2019 00:36

Does your DH usually tell you what to do. After he told me that he had told his parents I would ring tomorrow I would be telling him to F off

Whoops75 · 19/02/2019 00:53

I’m in the ‘ tell everyone to f**k off’ camp.

My in laws are retired with loads of time to fill and often ring for nonsense reasons.
I told dh if he didn’t talk to them about it I would stop taking their calls.....I no longer take their calls.

Roxyxoxo · 19/02/2019 00:55

Can you not just phone them as say it’s not your area? They aren’t unreasonable to ask, just as you aren’t unreasonable to not help.

JennyWoodentop · 19/02/2019 01:15

They aren’t unreasonable to ask, just as you aren’t unreasonable to not help

But a lot of us think they are unreasonable to ask, that's the whole point.

People who work in law, healthcare & probably lots of other fields are always being asked about stuff that's vaguely in their area whether it's because people want favours, mates rates, free advice, want a second opinion if thay don't trust what their GP said etc etc.

For many of those professions there are ethical & liability issues that people don't want to get into if they risk giving advice or opinions on the basis of a "5 minute" chat when they don't have access to all the facts & it's not their specialist field. And as someone said above, it puts you into work mode to even think about these things, and OP is on holiday. It's either not urgent & can wait, or it is urgent & requires someone who is actually there to deal with, not OP on holiday.

Phoning them back to say it's not her area is up to the OP if she wants to - if she thinks it won't go down well & add to her stress or end up being a long convoluted conversation she doesn't want to have, she may not want to phone - she knows them & knows how that may work out. I came in for a lot of grief recently leaving work early for an appointment & someone wanted to ask a "quick question" - I know this guy, there are no quick questions or 5 minute conversations, nothing less than half an hour going all round the houses, so I said no I had to leave for my appointment - a different person I would have spoken to, no problem.

BertrandRussell · 19/02/2019 01:20

It does depend a bit-if they are elderly and fretting then the kind thing to do would be to reassure them.

BertrandRussell · 19/02/2019 01:21

But I never understand why people on Mumsnet are so against helping other people out or doing favours. Particularly when it’s family.

Italiangreyhound · 19/02/2019 01:25

YADNBU. They should leave you alone and your husband should stick up for you.

Plus if it is not to do with an area you know about just say 'I don't know.' 'I really don't know.' 'I still don't know.'

Roxyxoxo · 19/02/2019 01:26

They’re family though, I don’t get it either! I get asked advice because of my job and rather than get angry about it I just say whether I can help or not, and caveat it with it’s just advice don’t hold me responsible. All of this bad feeling for the sake of a few minute phone call, I’m glad in real life people don’t seem to be like many posters here.

Italiangreyhound · 19/02/2019 01:28

The OP is on holiday; when one goes on holiday it must be galling to still be expected to give out advice, even to family.

halfwitpicker · 19/02/2019 01:37

DH often gets calls from people wanting free tech advice. FIL will call and expect him to walk him through stuff online, installing stuff etc. Often calls in the middle of supper. Not just FIL, friends of friends, etc. Pure cheeky fuckery.

He's not tech support though. Or if you do want free tech /legal/medical advice, pay the fee! Same with our OP.

JennyWoodentop · 19/02/2019 01:38

All of this bad feeling for the sake of a few minute phone call

a few minute phone call about a work matter while the OP is on holiday though, while pregnant, having had complications in her pregnancy - is this really what she needs, to be mithered about work stuff on her holiday?

Context is all, the history of her relationship with her inlaws is key. Maybe they are lovely people but old & fretting & a quick phone call to point them in the direction of appropriate advice will calm them down - or maybe they have no boundaries & always find a reason to disrupt OP's holidays & family time & she doesn't want to reward that behaviour by phoning them. I don't know, none of us know, but OP is upset for a reason so why should we assume her reasons are not valid?

Some people are happy to give off the cuff work related advice & some are not. I think it depends on the nature of the work & the nature of the person & neither position is necessarily always right or always wrong! I work in a field where casual advice or "corridor consultations" for friends & family without all the facts is very much frowned upon by my professional body so that is where my position comes from. For some this is territory that has ethical & liability & other risks attached as I said before.

BertrandRussell · 19/02/2019 01:40

So-hang on. Your father needs some help with a bit of tec- and you think the normal response is “No- pay someone”? Seriously?

User2019 · 19/02/2019 01:51

I’m a solicitor and this is my absolute fucking pet hate. I specialise in employment. The amount of times I am asked questions about house purchases. I don’t know much more about conveyancing than your average punter. Why would I?!

Also. Off the cuff advice like that is not covered by my firms policy and therefore I am not covered if I make a mistake. It is a big ask. The PP who said that solicitors will obsess over queries like this is entirely correct.

Also it’s cheeky as fuck. Go and pay for legal advice!

BrizzleMint · 19/02/2019 01:55

This kind of thing is why my phone is switched off when I am on holiday.

Roxyxoxo · 19/02/2019 02:04

Different strokes for different folks- “I’m on holiday, happy (or not...) to talk about it when I’m back” or “it’s not my area, sorry” doesn’t particularly seem like a holiday ruiner.

MardyBra · 19/02/2019 02:22

Which would be shorter:
A) dealing with the enquiry
B) the amount of time collectively spent on this thread?

JennyWoodentop · 19/02/2019 02:28

Off the cuff advice like that is not covered by my firms policy and therefore I am not covered if I make a mistake. It is a big ask

very good point, people who ask for informal off the cuff advice either don't know or don't care that this can be a problem

“it’s not my area, sorry” doesn’t particularly seem like a holiday ruiner.

fair enough, if they will say "oh sorry, didn't realise that" and leave things there, but lots of people won't

So-hang on. Your father needs some help with a bit of tec- and you think the normal response is “No- pay someone”? Seriously?

but there's a limit surely? just how many hours of his free time in the evenings & weekends should her husband spend providing free tech support to friends & family - one hour, a whole morning, a whole day, all weekend several times over ? Surely he gets to decide when enough is enough & it's time for them to pay someone for the job?

JennyWoodentop · 19/02/2019 02:31

MardyBra

well fair enough, but this debate has come up over & over again - people who are plumbers, builders, in IT etc etc being expected to provide free services in their own time for friends & family. I think it's an interesting discussion even if we have strayed past the original point!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/02/2019 06:05

All those saying “fuck that” type of thing, would you honestly have the same stance if it were your own parents wanting to ask something?

Why on MN are in-laws viewed as non family? I don’t see that in real life thankfully.

Sweetpea55 · 19/02/2019 06:11

The part that irked me was that DH told them that you would ring them the next day. Even though you said you didn't want to.
If be giving him the big F OFF

PenelopeFlintstone · 19/02/2019 06:14

It wouldn't bother me. I'd just ring them if it's knowledge you already have. Maybe no if I had to go looking for the info, though.

You might need them to babysit down the track too.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 19/02/2019 06:19

They're all selfish dicks, your PILs and your stupid DH.

I would call them tomorrow purely to tell them that you will deal with it WHEN you return, as there is almost zero chance that it cannot wait until then, but IF it's that urgent, then here is the number of a solicitor who actually deals with such things. Since you are on holiday, you do not have access to your normal resources to find out anything about it and it's not something you normally do, so sorry, so sad, too bad, good bye.

Honestly though, I'd be more angry with your stupid husband for thinking his parents' request for info is more important than you having a relaxing time and taking care of you and your baby. Dick that he is!

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