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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be contacted by PIL about this whilst on holiday?

264 replies

Holidayrage · 18/02/2019 21:16

We (me, DH, 3DC) are currently abroad on holiday and have been since Friday. To avoid drip feeding, DH and I both work, DH is full time and I work 4 days per week. I am 21 weeks into a stressful pregnancy, having suffered a partial placental abruption at 19 weeks. As a result I am having to take things very easy. Plus, this is the only chance we will get for a family break until the end of May.

PIL called this evening and apparently want to talk to me about liability insurance. This has nothing to do with my area of work at all, but apparently as I am a solicitor they want to ask me. This has now caused a row with DH as apparently I am being very unreasonable in not wanting to deal with this whilst on holiday. Honestly when I saw the number come up I thought they must be calling with bad news...since we saw them only 3 days ago (the day we left) and are back on Friday anyway.

So, mumsnet jury, AIBU not to want to be bothered on holiday about this?!

OP posts:
PaintBySticker · 18/02/2019 22:06

YANBU. Unless there’s some special reason this is urgent this should have waited and your partner should be on your side.

Leeds2 · 18/02/2019 22:10

Tbh, I would've spoken to them. Just as I would expect OH to speak to my parents if the situations were reversed. If it isn't something you know anything about, and you can't help, just tell them.

MinistryofRevenge · 18/02/2019 22:13

No, they shouldn't bother you on holiday with this; probably shouldn't bother you at all about it, in fact. Isn't there something in the solicitors' rules of conduct about not advising outside of your area of competence? That line always used to work for me - no, MIL, I can't advise on whether your friend has a claim against her uncle's estate, outside my field of competence, get me struck off that would, and who would support your grandchildren then?

timeisnotaline · 18/02/2019 22:17

It sounds like they wouldn’t accept the reasonable suggestion many people have made of ‘sorry not my area I won’t be able to help’. My guess is they’d expect the op to be able to look it up and outline it for them, which i would flatly refuse to do while on holiday. If I’m right, suggest you tell your dh if you call you will say ‘so, not an expert but as far as I can tell you two are a liability and should get insured. Hope that helps! Ciao!’ Or he could call and explain.
Ok I wouldn’t actually say that to my pil. But I might suggest it to dh as a suitable expert response.

Redshoeblueshoe · 18/02/2019 22:25

Turn your phones off.
Enjoy your holiday.

Totaldogsbody · 18/02/2019 22:26

YADNBU but I can't help but feel that given the fact that the stress this is causing you must be bad for you and the baby a 5 minute chat could let you get on with enjoying your holiday and avoid the aggro between you and your OH. I would let my inlaws know that for the rest of the holiday I would be resting and not dealing with matters that can be dealt with when I got back home. I hope you can enjoy the rest of your time away.

GustavoRocks · 18/02/2019 22:29

YANBU. How ridiculous not to wait! If DH wants to talk to them, he can call and say “it’s not DW’s area but she’ll have a look at it once we are back and try to help you out” Or you could send a text to that effect then ignore any response until Friday.

MsTSwift · 18/02/2019 22:33

As a pp explains it’s unlikely to be a “5 minute chat” as it’s not ops area of law it’s unlikely she will know the answer off the cuff on holiday. I would be seriously pissed off - where are their boundaries?

SaturdayNext · 18/02/2019 22:36

All they need to know is that this is not your area of expertise and if they want a reliable opinion they must talk to someone who has the right experience and knowledge. And your husband can tell them that just as well as you can.

Giraffey1 · 18/02/2019 22:38

Why on earth would someone ring you about such a mundane thing while you’re on holiday? Of course you aren’t being unreasonable- say no. Your H is the unreasonable one. You are on holiday to have a break. Tell your him he must speak to pil to say... this isn’t something holidayrage knows anything about so she can’t help you. I will try and point you in the right direction when we get home. I’d also suggest he tells pil not to ring again unless there is an EMERGENCY!!!!

Bowerbird5 · 18/02/2019 22:42

Call and tell them you have no idea it isn't your area of expertise.

I'd be bloody furious to be honest. You are on holiday. Apart from that they are not being considerate to you. I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly.

Fairenuff · 18/02/2019 22:42

Your DH is being unreasonable and so are you really. You could have taken the call and said 'Sorry I can't help you, it's not my line of work'. Done. No need for any drama.

KissHerYouBrilliantFool · 18/02/2019 22:49

I honestly think that refusing to take the call and arguing with your DH about it is more stressful than actually speaking to them for 5 minutes.

GnomeDePlume · 18/02/2019 22:54

For those people saying that OP should have taken the call doesn't it depend on what type of people the PiL are? Are they the type of people to keep it to a quick chat or are they the type who will want to talk the whole thing through in infinite detail?

Is there a risk that any off the cuff comments made by OP will be regurgitated as carefully thought through legal advice?

mikulkin · 18/02/2019 22:57

I don’t really understand what the problem is. I would have called them, spent 5 mins listening, another 5 giving general advice/explaining I don’t know the answer or telling i might know the answer but need to research and will do that when I am back.
You spent more time discussing it, thinking of it and arguing with your DH than time on that courtesy call.
They are not your work, they are family and you can spend 10 min on your family even on holiday.

Fairenuff · 18/02/2019 22:59

It doesn't matter what kind of people they are. She can end the call whenever she wants. Why be so passive and make such a thing out of it. Just say it's not your area of work and if they ignore that and try to talk about it more say 'as I said I can't help you. Have to go now. Catch up with you when we get back, bye' and put the phone down. It's really not that hard.

pallisers · 18/02/2019 23:04

I'd take the call but I'd also think they had no boundaries bothering me about something non-urgent on my holiday and would probably have complained to my dh about it (who would have said "don't bother calling them back, you know what they are like")

I'd be very unimpressed with my dh going into a huff and stomping off because of it though.

Cornishclio · 18/02/2019 23:08

I don't think anyone should be inconsiderate enough to bother even family on holiday unless it is a life or death situation. I would not take the call or respond back. Tell your DH to take a running jump.

BertrandRussell · 18/02/2019 23:10

It depends. If they are elderly and fretting about something then spending 10 minutes putting their minds at rest is the kind and right thing to do. If they are hale and hearty and just looking for free legal advice they could otherwise easily pay for then a text saying that it’s not your area and suggesting someone who could help them could work?

SandAndSea · 18/02/2019 23:30

I think they're unreasonable to call you on holiday (unless it's an emergency or they're forgetful) and your dh is being extremely unreasonable.

I would turn my phone off and leave him to call them tomorrow with the message that it's not my area. (I wouldn't want to set any precedents by calling them.)

I miss phone-free holidays.

2rebecca · 18/02/2019 23:41

I'm a GP and would be unhappy if relatives phoned me on holiday about non emergency medical stuff. I'm on holiday and Im not their GP. This is non emergency work stuff. I'd be more annoyed with your husband though who doesn't see how intrusive and pushy they are being. If you do phone back just say it's not your area you're on holiday and they should maybe see a specialist solicitor.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 18/02/2019 23:42

Its unfair, you've been told to relax after a very worrying time and this is not helping. Maybe text them and copy in DH. "This is not my area of expertise". And then do your best to relax and forget it. I hope you get a chance to relax and enjoy the rest of your break. Best of luck.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 18/02/2019 23:46

Is it just because it’s the in-laws that you don’t want to do it? Or would you briefly talk to your friend/mum/sister?

Iwrotethissongfor · 19/02/2019 00:03

I’m a solicitor too. I don’t think anyone should contact others on holiday with work related queries and a fortiori (😉) when you’re pregnant and you’ve had PA recently. You really need to relax. Apart from anything else talking about insurance is insanely boring and not what anyone wants on holiday. Also the thing with legal questions as PP said they rarely take 5 mins and also people will act on it so you want to make sure it’s correct as giving with advice is worse than giving none. But yes it’ll pull you out of holiday mode and into legal thinking mode. And unless it’s a simple question in your bread and butter area then that means research. Fuck that on your holiday. It’s not even an easy route to recommend anyone else either as they’ll inevitably think they’re shit and blame you (and you’ll worry the person you advised thinks you have rude in laws). I would be firm as I think it’s a rude request, or, at best, self involved and thoughtless. I’d just text them and copy in husband saying not my field can’t advise, going to try and relax now to keep baby happy or something like that. I’d be super pissed off at your husband what’s his behaviour about? Just to emphasise: you have 3 kids and pregnant with a 4th, have had recent placental abruption and are all away on holiday from your job as a sol which you work at 0.8 FTE? No you’re def not talking about insurance thanks bye PIL and DH 👋 🍦

GabsAlot · 19/02/2019 00:07

if your dh knows its not yor area why is he pushing this

i dont think you shold call them back on principle its ridiculous-only once did i speak to someone that wa swhen i was on holiday and it was my mum coz she was ill-its obviously not urgent so tell them all to fuck off