Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH says I should complain about this situation to make the airline aware but I am not sure

303 replies

Redcampions · 17/02/2019 23:33

Got back from a week away in New York a few days ago.
Me and DH got on the plane the plane had rows four seats in the middle. DH was on one end, me next to him. The seat next to me was free and then there was another lady at the other end.

One of the last passengers on was this very large lady who ended up sat next to me. She ended up taking a good bit of my seat, the armrest could not be out down, she could not get the tray table done. I soon realised that when I put my tray down it was digging into her and every time she moved it was flipping up anyway. So I put it up and left it
DH is quite tall and he did offer to move but I don’t think he would have fit in three quarter of a seat to be honest. We are now just after take off and I can feel my fibromyalgia and begin to kick because can’t move properly. DH pretents to go to the toliet and discreetly the flight attendant asks if there is anywhere I can move to.

The flight attendant says no the flight is full and says the lady should have booked two seats especially as the arm rest doesn’t go down.

I manage to sit for a hour and then I get up and stand in the aisle. The flight attendant asks if I am ok and I said yep I just needed to move for a while.

The inflight drink comes so I sit down and have a drink without using my tray.

When the meal was served I put my tray down as there was no other way I could eat it and I have diabetes so had to eat.

The women then nudges me and asks me to put my tray up and I said no sorry I needed to eat and I can’t do it with my tray up. The women then calls the flight attendant over and complains and the flight attendant says I am entitled to use my tray as I want. The women bursts into tears. My husband offers to swap with her then she can have more room with the ailse but she says she is sitting in her booked seat and it being shamed into moving.
I gulp my meal down and raise my tray as quickly as I can.

By this time I am in agony and on the verge of tears myself and keep having to move into the aisle. The flight attendant takes pity on me and lets me sit in one of the jumpsears till we start coming into land. I was so grateful.

On landing a returned to my seat and the women turns to me and says I have made her feel awful and I have fat shamed her. The guy in front turns around and said it was not my fault and most people would not have been as polite as me. She bursts into tears again.

I have never been so glad to get off the plane.

Two days later I am still in agony as it has triggered a flare and feel awful. My DH says I need to complain and say the airline should have made her book 2 seats. I just don’t know as I know the seats on aircraft are not generous anyway and she could be big through no fault of her own and may not be able to afford to seats in the future.

I am up now in agony and can’t sleep and it’s all going through my mind with me thinking was I horrible and could i have handled things better.

I bloody hate flying

OP posts:
ChariotsofFish · 18/02/2019 08:41

Every time I’ve sat next to a man as tall as OP’s DH, he has encroached in my leg space. OP was always going to be cramped sitting next to him anyway. Fine, make the obese woman book two seats, but make the 6’4” man book two as well.

RandomMess · 18/02/2019 08:45

If people don't complain then there is little incentive for policy changes at the airline!

AngeloMysterioso · 18/02/2019 08:45

Perhaps one solution would be to ask passengers to enter their widest circumference measurement when booking flights? If it’s above a certain figure then they’re required to book a second seat?

Burlea · 18/02/2019 08:51

Surely at check-in the airline representative would be able to see the size of this lady, known that the plane was full and realise that someone would be squashed. They should of denied her boarding and advised her that she needed to book 2 seats.

tirisfalpumpkin · 18/02/2019 08:51

That’s not a bad idea, as it would cover broad, muscle-bound and obese people alike.

JustTwoMoreSecs · 18/02/2019 08:51

How horrible for you OP.
In your situation I would have insisted the armrest stays down. If the lady couldn’t find then she can’t insist it is up and it would mean insisting you let her use your seat
She was trying to shame you with her «you embarassed me«, by booking just one seat and planning on using yours as well she was counting on you being polite. CF!

Bobaboutwhat · 18/02/2019 08:52

This is a ridiculous situation surely! If there are policies in place which state that the armrest and tray should be accessible without obstruction and that a passenger should be able to sit comfortably in a seat without taking up room in the seat next to them, there should also be procedures in place to ensure that this happens! It seems that the onus is put solely on the passengers to make the decision whether they need an extra seat or not and if it turns out that they did need two seats its a case of “oh well”. The question of a passenger feeling ashamed shouldn’t even come in to it - they either need an extra seat or they don’t for health and safety reasons and the comfort of ALL passengers. Airlines should be proactively ensuring this...unbelievable that they aren’t!

goingtotown · 18/02/2019 08:55

What do you want the airline to do?

billybagpuss · 18/02/2019 08:59

It doesn't have to be a complaint but an email for feedback purposes would highlight an ever increasing problem for the airline.

I'm overweight and would be mortified if I put someone in the same situation as the OP was in. I do however fit within the confines of the seat.

Buddytheelf85 · 18/02/2019 09:00

The thing I’m most puzzled about in this situation is why someone that size would have deliberately chosen a window seat.

TacoLover · 18/02/2019 09:00

If the tray in the seat next to the larger woman wouldn't even go down, surely she must have been pretty obese? And so it would have been obvious that she wouldnt fit in one seat? I agree with PP, if you're using two seats then you should pay for two seats.

ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay · 18/02/2019 09:08

Absolutely complain. As soon as she boarded the crew should have seen she couldn't fit in the seat and should have been removed from the flight. It's harsh but safety rules have to be followed.

Notwiththeseknees · 18/02/2019 09:08

I would write to the airline. She has been completely unreasonable and it is easier to guilt you if she is 'sad'. The ground staff should have realised when she checked in, the gate staff should have noticed and the cabin crew should have picked up on it as she would have had difficulties getting down the aisle. No need to fat shame, just a polite word and off load her & her bags. She knew she was too big to travel in a single seat and was a CF. The problem is that off loading her to a different flight that had space for her would have delayed the flight and airlines do not like missing their slots, leads to additional costs and poor punctuality statistics.

However, that is not your problem. Your problem was that you were at increased risk of a DVT whilst being squashed against her, your flight was uncomfortable, your facilities compromised and the memories of your trip spoiled. I would definitely complain.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 18/02/2019 09:10

When the meal was served I put my tray down as there was no other way I could eat it and I have diabetes so had to eat.
The women then nudges me and asks me to put my tray up and I said no sorry I needed to eat and I can’t do it with my tray up. The women then calls the flight attendant over and complains and the flight attendant says I am entitled to use my tray as I want

This is the bit that got me. Entitled much????

Definitely complain.

winsinbin · 18/02/2019 09:24

Reading about people booking two seats on a plane has made me think. I fly a lot and often on budget airlines so booking two seats would often be affordable and would make a long flight more comfortable as (although I am quite small) I would have more room to move or put my feet up. But how does it work? Presumably I’d have to check in twice using the same passenger and passport info? But flights are regularly overbooked and if I could only scan one boarding card through security the airline might assume the other unscanned seat wasn’t needed and give it to another passenger. Does booking two seats only work if you fly with a traditional airline and check in at an airport where you can talk to ground crew and ensure they know the situation?

Roussette · 18/02/2019 09:27

She sounds a horrible woman. If you are that big, surely you would do e everything you could to alleviate inconveniencing the person next to you.... like moving to the aisle seat offered.

I don't think there is anything you can do at this stage OP. You handled it as best you could whlst on the flight.

I had similar equally awful but only a 3 hour full flight thank god. A seriously huge man in shorts next to me who is sweating cold sweat continually and had all these sores on his thighs/legs. They could have just been mossie bites, but they looked absolutely vile. I have never shrunk into an airline seat so much as that flight.

BoringPerson · 18/02/2019 09:27

The thing I’m most puzzled about in this situation is why someone that size would have deliberately chosen a window seat.

More puzzling is that the check in staff didn't reassign her seat at check-in. She must have been very overweight.

It odd. Dealing with very overweight passengers is not an unusual situation for check-in staff 😕

Namechangedbecauseiwantto · 18/02/2019 09:28

Op, YADNBU. I can't believe some of the posters on here. It sounds like you were a bit too reasonable tbh, and she sounds like she's either very entitled, or was extremely embarrassed by her size. The airline should have offloaded her as it was a safety issue. Definitely complain, and ignore all the people on here who are defending her.

blueskiesovertheforest · 18/02/2019 09:29

winsinbin that's a good question - on budget airlines you're often not guaranteed to get seats next to one another... Also you might get into an awkward discussion if the airline staff want to move someone into your second seat because they have been seated next to an overweight person, or a manspreader, or a creepy or stinky guy...

JustOneShadeOfGrey · 18/02/2019 09:33

ChariotsOfFish - tall people can’t help being tall! Why should they pay twice for their flight than the more vertically challenged passengers??

Obesity is completely different.

I’d definitely complain. It’s time airlines did something about comfort for all passengers - mainly for passengers who should have to be uncomfortable because of another passenger’s size! But they should also ensure their policies on fitting into seats are clear!

Getting back to height though - DH and I do try to book extra legroom but it’s regularly already booked up. By small people!! But I never judge (not much 😂) because there could be other reasons why they need this extra space. Not all disabilities or reasons are visible.

Gooseygoosey12345 · 18/02/2019 09:36

She sounds awful. I would definitely make the airline aware. She should have booked two seats, and if she can't afford to then I'm sorry but don't travel. You didn't fat shame her at all and were more polite than I would have been. And it really can't be claimed as fat shaming when she made YOUR journey which you paid for uncomfortable. Even if she has a medical problem which causes her to be that size she shouldn't be so self entitled about it!

nakedscientist · 18/02/2019 09:36

Complain.

Maybe airlines should stop putting profit before comfort of passengers and make their seats a bit bigger. Most people could do with more room on the average flight.

If people complain then they may be forced to do this.

Lalliella · 18/02/2019 09:40

OP you should definitely complain. The airline needs to be made aware of situations like this. It’s completely unacceptable that you were put in the position you were in.

And the woman next to you sounds vile. “Fat shaming” my (large) arse. Yes you’ve got the right to be as fat as you want but when it affects other people you’re being unreasonable and to call you out on it is reasonable. Book two seats or stay at home.

And the poster who is hmm about fibro is vile too. Hope you get it and find out what it’s like, you won’t be so hmm anymore.

Ellie56 · 18/02/2019 09:49

Whereareyouspot's outrageous "hmmmm about fibro" post has been deleted. Good.

Peridot1 · 18/02/2019 09:50

Buddytheelf85 - she wasn’t in a window seat - they were all in the middle seats of the plane - the rows of four.

OP - I would definitely write to the airline. I suspect the other passenger deliberately booked the seat she was in in the hopes of having the seat next to her free. However when she was checking in it should have been clear to ground staff that she wouldn’t fit. Not an issue if the seat next to her IS free but if it’s not they need to ensure that she can sit safely and thenoassenger next to her can sit safely too. There definitely needs to be a policy in place. This is happening more and more - especially in the US.

She must have needed a seabelt extender surely? And it’s also an issue that the airline crew didn’t notice that the armrest was not put down. They normally check.