DH says I should complain about this situation to make the airline aware but I am not sure

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Got back from a week away in New York a few days ago.
Me and DH got on the plane the plane had rows four seats in the middle. DH was on one end, me next to him. The seat next to me was free and then there was another lady at the other end.

One of the last passengers on was this very large lady who ended up sat next to me. She ended up taking a good bit of my seat, the armrest could not be out down, she could not get the tray table done. I soon realised that when I put my tray down it was digging into her and every time she moved it was flipping up anyway. So I put it up and left it
DH is quite tall and he did offer to move but I don’t think he would have fit in three quarter of a seat to be honest. We are now just after take off and I can feel my fibromyalgia and begin to kick because can’t move properly. DH pretents to go to the toliet and discreetly the flight attendant asks if there is anywhere I can move to.

The flight attendant says no the flight is full and says the lady should have booked two seats especially as the arm rest doesn’t go down.

I manage to sit for a hour and then I get up and stand in the aisle. The flight attendant asks if I am ok and I said yep I just needed to move for a while.

The inflight drink comes so I sit down and have a drink without using my tray.

When the meal was served I put my tray down as there was no other way I could eat it and I have diabetes so had to eat.

The women then nudges me and asks me to put my tray up and I said no sorry I needed to eat and I can’t do it with my tray up. The women then calls the flight attendant over and complains and the flight attendant says I am entitled to use my tray as I want. The women bursts into tears. My husband offers to swap with her then she can have more room with the ailse but she says she is sitting in her booked seat and it being shamed into moving.
I gulp my meal down and raise my tray as quickly as I can.

By this time I am in agony and on the verge of tears myself and keep having to move into the aisle. The flight attendant takes pity on me and lets me sit in one of the jumpsears till we start coming into land. I was so grateful.

On landing a returned to my seat and the women turns to me and says I have made her feel awful and I have fat shamed her. The guy in front turns around and said it was not my fault and most people would not have been as polite as me. She bursts into tears again.

I have never been so glad to get off the plane.

Two days later I am still in agony as it has triggered a flare and feel awful. My DH says I need to complain and say the airline should have made her book 2 seats. I just don’t know as I know the seats on aircraft are not generous anyway and she could be big through no fault of her own and may not be able to afford to seats in the future.

I am up now in agony and can’t sleep and it’s all going through my mind with me thinking was I horrible and could i have handled things better.

I bloody hate flying

Flights need to decline entry to those who cannot fit within their assigned seat

Yep.

If you travel with a cello you have to book 2 seats. Flying is expensive if you’re a cellist, it’s expensive if you’re obese.

Yes you should raise this with the airline. The arm rest must be down for take off and landing, I would address this as a safety issue. The passanger should not have been permitted to fly if she could not sit in the seat with the arm rest down.

I guarantee the replies sympathising with the passenger are from overweight people - and I say this as someone who is also overweight.

The fact is this woman was extremely rude to the OP. She compromised safety by not being able to put the armrest down and when offered a more comfortable seat she refused. She then expected the OP not to use her tray table to eat her meal. Why should others have to sacrifice their comfort for her? Whatever reason for her being overweight common sense should have told her she either needed 2 seats or an aisle seat. No one should expect others to suffer discomfort because of their situation.

Yes I think she should complain - the airline should have noticed at check in that she wouldn't have fit comfortably into her seat and caused issues for those around her.

YADNBU.

The obese flyer question is one that needs addressing urgently. The FAA standard weight for a passenger is 80kg. I've been seated on aircraft where at least half the plane is over that. There has been at least one crash in the US where overweight passengers meant the aircraft couldn't be trimmed properly, and stalled out.

The more people who raise issues with airlines on obesity, the more likely they are to change the rules.

A passenger could feasibly develop DVT from being squashed on a long flight, apart from anything else.

Interesting - I wasn’t aware that passenger weight had an impact on the safety of the flight, although I suppose logically it would if it were really high.

I remember being charged £200 excess baggage once. I was an underweight and not particularly healthy student with a massive suitcase containing all my worldly goods. I wasnt very happy as the woman in front of me was sitting on the check in belt while we waited for it to open and she weighed more than me and my luggage combined. I always thought the extra charges were to do with manual handling from the ground crew, rather than kg for kg weight.

Next time I’ll eat my suitcase ;)

I had a similar experience recently but luckily there was a spare seat so I could move. I was in the middle seat, my DH in the aisle seat, and the man sat in the window seat was incredibly large, also couldn’t put the arm rest down or the tray table. His leg was spread so far into my space I was twisted round sitting half sideways, there is no way I could have sat like that for a few hours without causing serious discomfort. As it was we had to sit for a while on the tarmac as someone had not turned up, that was bad enough.

Luckily for me the air hostess noticed when doing the checks, and was able to move me - she apologised, and said she had noticed him getting on and was hoping she could arrange for a spare seat next to him.

I would complain, even if only to make them aware. I emailed the airline I flew with to thank the hostess for dealing with the situation, but to question what would happen if there hadn’t have been that spare seat for me to move to. They thanked me for bringing it to their attention and said that they were reviewing their policies and understood that passengers should not be inconvenienced. Not sure if anything will change though.

It sounds like she was incredibly embarrassed

I don't think she sounds embarrassed - she sounds entitled.

She knew she wouldn't fit into one seat, but did not book two

She was given a courteous offer of another seat but insisted on her "booked seat"

She had booked a seat which had less space than some other seats anyway - she could have booked an aisle seat.

She insisted that HER needs take precedence over other people's and wasn't prepared to compromise, even for a few minutes while OP ate a meal.

AND - she made a huge fuss and public fuss about being "fat-shamed"

These are not the actions an embarrassed person. They are the actions of someone wanting a confrontation. I wonder if she's currently suing the airline for not accommodating her, and putting her next to someone who was so "rude"?

There should be a protocol in place for people who are very large, but haven't booked themselves enough space. If she had been drunk or drugged, they would not have let her onto the plane. Had she been in labour, they would not have let her onto the plane. She hadn't booked sufficient space, they should not have let her onto the plane.

It may not be her fault she is fat (but I'll bet it is!), but it isn't the fault of the OP, or any other passenger either. Even if it isn't her fault, it's her problem and she shouldn't be forcing it onto other people.

The ground staff at New York airports are well known for not giving a shit, especially at JFK.
They tell you you can sort seat issues once you are on the plane but that's simply not true. They are passing the buck to the air stewards who can't do anything about it really.

She was lucky you were so polite because I'd have taken loads of photos and video footage of myself squished in the seat and tweeted it the second we landed, complained loudly and complained some more. And like fuck I'd have gulped my meal. Tears wouldn't bother me a lick.

A toddler doesn't take up all the space in a seat but you sure as hell have to buy a ticket for them if you want them to use the space and the flight is full.

Absolutely complain so that the airline put a policy in place.

If you don't fit in one seat, you buy two. That is not fat shaming that's being fucking considerate.

I sat next to a large guy yesterday on a short haul flight. He lifted the armrest up as he sat down and I just put it down when he was in his seat.

I'm 5ft10 with long legs, I need my room too!

But to be fair to the guy I was sat next to he was trying not to take up too much space and in the end wasn't taking any of mine.

I would write and highlight the issues you faced. Ask what their policies are around overweight passengers who are so large they encroach on others space and on arm rests being down on take off / landing.

I'm doubting this happened exactly the way the op describes only because I do not believe that the overweight woman would have declined the offer of the aisle seat.

If she was as large as the op describes, she wouldn't want the aisle seat as people would keep bumping her as they passed her going to the bathroom etc.

I'd complain too. They haven't followed procedure's re the armrest and/or any seat policies they might have. You were far more polite and accomodating than I would have been OP.

OP you were a lot more polite than I would have been.

This flab flow problem has been getting worse for years and the airlines(apart from some internal US carriers), seem loathe to address it.

It’s so unfair to dump the problem on cabin crew.

Definitely write to airline, starting with a request for their armrest policy.

As you have fibromyalgia I think your husband could have dealt with being cramped to save you crying in pain and missing work etc.

She wasn't fat shamed she was ill-mannered shamed and deserved to be. Awful woman. I'd have kept the table down and got the armrest down the second she went to the loo.

If she wasn't happy she could accept the offer of an aisle seat.

Bloody cheek.

I think you should have complained at the time and the cabin crew moved woman to aisle seat so there were a free seat by hee

(by her)

I don't think you were fat shaming at all. Shaming is making comments or actions to try and make someone else feel bad (like tutting or making pointed comments about space). She was expecting you not to eat and then had a go at you for trying to! That's crazy behaviour

I think you should complain to the airline. This is getting so common now it needs to change. It's not fair to make you feel so uncomfortable in a situation that could be avoided.

It seems crazy that you can be fined for going 1kg over on luggage but you can roll up 50kg over a normal weight and take up 2 seats and not be fined! I can see why they are shying away from tackling it as whichever airline brings this in first will inevitably be accused of discrimination and it does seem harsh on those people for whom it isn't their fault (though they could get round this by different rules where doctors letter has said this is the case etc)

IME they should make clear upon booking that you have to be able to sit in a seat 15 inches or whatever wide and if you don't you will have to purchase an additional seat or not fly if one is not available. If it looks doubtful upon check in they can have a seat and ask people to sit in it similar to how you have a box to try and fit cabin bags in. If this fails the flight crew would have to rearrange the flight seats or worst case not let them fly. They would have signed up to this as part of the t and cs

Fundamentally it's not fair to use 2 seats or 1.5 seats that someone else is using and paying for 1

Interesting debate, I'm a large person and I flew recently with TUI. I worried myself sick before hand about fitting into the seat (even though I was travelling with my young son so could have pinched a bit of his seat. I actually spent a long time googling seat dimensions and even emailing and ringing customer services to see what I should do. I would definitely have paid extra for a wider seat if this was available. The thing was there was NO advice available and I hit a complete brick wall. In the end I fitted fine in the seat with no issues but OP I think you should complain because obesity is an issue and airlines need to have something in place to deal with this. Personally I'd have liked a trial seat at the travel agent, like they have in some theme parks. Or a wider seat section perhaps? But anyway, if more people draw their attention to it rather than just putting up with it, perhaps airlines will tackle it.

In Canada, if a passenger is too large for a single seat or if they need to travel with a companion for medical reasons, the airlines are legally obliged to provide a second seat for free. The passengers needing an extra seat have to have documentation of their need, so no-one can take the piss. The cost of this across all airline tickets? 27 cents a ticket.

This is sensible but we won't do it here, because there's an underlying assumption (sometimes correct IMO) that the obese person has brought this on themselves, so why should they be rewarded with an extra seat for free? Likewise attempts to implement a "If you weigh over X you must buy a second seat" will be met with uproar from people who are obese for a reason other than gluttony.

I would complain OP. You couldn't get the armrest down. You couldn't get the tray down. Your documented pre-existing medical condition was exacerbated. I expect you'll just get the standard grovel by reply.

Yes you should complain op. I remember reading about a similar issue with a Virgin flight - ages ago and not on mn. I think the airline refunded her as she hadn't got what she'd paid for!

Iirc the fat woman wasn't sitting next to her husband as he didn't want to be squashed!

long shot: but maybe this is one for the travel insurance?
loss of earnings due to unsuitable seating?

Surely if someone can’t fit in their seat, that causes a safety issue for others sitting beside them in an emergency evacuation. I would have thought the airline would have a policy for this reason alone.